A Fallen Woman

On the whole, my campaigns start with great enthusiasm. I think this stems from my goldfish mentality, in that I always forget that most campaigns are pointless, fruitless and ultimately, a failure. Does this do anything to dampen my resolve? Not initially, but that's because of the goldfish memory. I always think that this time it will be better, we will succeed and surprise ourselves.

I await such surprises with caution. Nevertheless, despite my impending surgery, I collar spouse to share my latest brilliant idea. I need his input to confirm that this time we are surely onto a winner. I wait until all small people are asleep, whip out the carrier bag and insert the batteries. I have to wait many hour until he returns from work in the wee hours of the morning. I try and remember that he is awake and alert and I am……..neither particularly.

“What do you think?” I beam, waggling the device before him.
“What do I think about what?”
“This! Look! Let me show you. You pass your hand under the magic eye and voila!” An annoying little tune accompanies the dispensation of a large dollop of soap into the palm of my hand. “Here, smell! It's 'Tangerine' scented! Can you tell?”
“Pooh, what a niff! It certainly honks something cronic. What's it for?”
“It's a natty little automatic soap dispenser to encourage them to wash their hands. I think they'll like the tune.”
“Exactly how much did you spend on this natty little device, or the putrid soap for that matter? What a colour! It looks like baby barf!” I pout, a gesture that is difficult with the new all super powerful braces wires. “You're not impressed then?”

I ask rhetorically and unnecessarily.
“Well. It's a bit of a gimmick, isn't it?”
“It will pay for itself is saved soap!”
“In about 349 year and 25 days!”
“Did you do that in your head?”
“Ignoring the battery isssue!” [translation = number one household crime against the environment]
“It’s therapeutic.”
“How?”
“Acclimatize them to different smells?”
“Just means that they’ll never go near and never wash their hands again.”
“You don't think they'll like it?”
“Depends how you define 'like?'”
“A five minute wonder?”
“Five second! If you're lucky.”
“I'm an advertisers dream aren't I?”
“Don't be too hard on yourself old girl, you're just collateral damage to a diagnoses or possibly just normal or frivolous, take your pick?”
“Financially challenged.”
“Well in the red!”

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