Apply that!

There's no nice way of putting it really, so I'll be blunt, frank and to the point. Pointless is precisely what they are! They have no useful purpose in life. Our lives would be so much better without them really when you think about it for a moment or two. Apart from anything else, they just take up too much space, to say nothing of the ghastly effects that they have on the environment. All things being equal, I would have to say that when all's said and done, we ought to simply ban them and oh how so much better the world would be, to say nothing of the quality of life.

I'm in a strong position on this one as we completely ignored ours for three years, didn't so much as even say hello to it. Well you wouldn't though really, would you? I may be a few eggs short of a clutch but they would definitely cart me off in the wagon if they found me talking to a dishwasher. To be fair, I was prejudiced against the appliance due to it's colour. Who in their right mind would have a Avocado green kitchen? But that's American's for you in a nutshell. [translation = that should be a stone under the circumstances, an avocado stone that is to say]

Since we are all too familiar with a least a hundred reasons why dishwashers should be banned, I won't enumerate them here, merely concentrate on some of the more obvious drawbacks. The first of these would be space, or lack thereof. I can think of at least a thousand things that would better fill that hole, than a useless dishwasher. [translation = tiny galley kitchen]

The second obvious reason, is that they don't actually clean the contents of the dishwasher, merely spread the mess more finely over every item and then bake it on hard for an hour.

The third reason, and last for our purposes, would be dependent upon other adult personages that share the same household as you. Some grown up personages, feel the need to wash every item prior to putting it into the dishwasher. These same personages wash each item with one gallon of flowing water per piece. [Translation = 160 “fluid ounces” rather that 128 “fluid ounces,” as the “Pilgrim Father's” mislaid a bit on the way] This, of course, is known as overkill. Why wash what is already clean?

I am glad that we have managed to reach a democratic consensus on this matter. We should now turn our attention to the issue of the environmentally safe disposal of the banned items. However, I can hear a noise in the kitchen and I shall return shortly to conclude.

I enter the kitchen.

“What on earth are you doing?” I splutter rhetorically.
“I am not dah earf I am dah boy!”
Typical, fell right into that one.
“You look very wet,” I suggest to my tactiley defensive son.
“I am not wet. Er… I am wet. I am clean. I am do dah cleaning of dah fings. All dah fings are being very cleaning, er …clean,” says my OCD hygienist.
“So I see.”
I see a small wet boy, who has removed every item of his wet clothing. He stands on a wet step, at the sink that is overflowing with water and enough soap suds to carry off a good advertisement for bubble bath. There probably are some things in there, but they're hard to discern amongst the foam and froth.
“Usually…..we use the dishwasher to wash those things.”
“I am knowing it but dah dishwasher is bad.”
“Why is it bad?”
“Because when dah fings are coming out of dere, dey at hot and I cannot be using dem when dey are hot.”

That of course, would be the fourth reason.

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