Just put them back in your cakehole
Some people do it. I do not. There are many purposes for teeth, most commonly to assist in the task of eating, but some purposes should be banned.
One of those purposes would be using your teeth to help you open things, such as packets and packaging. Who wants to be handed an open package all covered in someone else's spittle? I can do without that kind of help. It's a filthy habit. It's a dangerous habit, you could hurt your teeth, or your jaw, or accidentally swallow the chard that your teeth have shreded. No. I'm sorry, but that's one function that should be strictly off limits. I cannot imagine where anyone would acquire this deviant habit from, as I certainly do not qualify as a model in this particular department. Even though my teeth do join now, they haven't for the last 46 years, so it certainly wasn't me! My reputation is untarnished, although the teeth could probably do with a buff.
We fight our way through the fist session of homework of the new school year, one of the most tortuous periods of the day. This period, that should take approximately 10 to 15 minutes, expands into a two hour marathon. My scrambled brain recognizes that I need a new campaign and certainly a new approach to the Bedlam that I am forced to witness and participate in.
I clutch a sharpened pencil in each hand to pass over to the next child that either hurls a pencil or breaks a pencil, from my box of nearly a hundred sharpened pencils. I need to instigate a 'be kind to pencils' campaign forthwith. My youngest growls and worries a pencil in his teeth. Another tip breaks off and his sister intervenes, “don't do that dingbat, yu'll poison yurself, they've got lead in em!” He drops it like a hot poker and grabs another, rips off the eraser to ram in his mouth.
“Don't do that dear, you'll break your teeth!” He refuses to relinquish the pencil so I nip into the kitchen to dig out a more suitable biting instrument, as I have already mortgaged my soul to the dentist. He drops the pencil on the tablecloth in a pool of drool. Poor pencil. Poor teeth! I look at the end of the mangled pencil, eraserless with the mental cap crushed with the tiny indentations of baby teeth.
“Is dah washing machine difficult to break?”
“Um…..not really. Why do you want to know?”
“Is it be broken in dah earthquake?”
“Probably not. It's made of metal.”
“I thought it was made of dah steel.”
“Oh er ..well yes. I suppose it is.”
“Steel is dah strongest.” I wish I had a copy of the school curriculum. I need to know if it's earthquake awareness week or whether they're learning about different building materials or both? My knowledge of raw materials is limited to the 'animal, vegetable or mineral' variety, although I used to know a great deal about coal.
“My teef are being dah strong!”
“Indeed.” We both examine the all too visual evidence, crayon carnage.
“I fink my teef are dah earthquake poof!”
Another retrofit mouth?
September 18th, 2007 at 12:39 am
i worked out how to deal with the homework-ruining-a-whole-evening thing. i told the school we could not cope with it, not with mike being ill and me being off my head, and that it was wrecking our lives.
the sensible people at my son’s school have stopped setting it. now my son works better at school (there is a whole thing about schoolwork being in the wrong place at home which my son can’t cope with – there is a lot of literature to back this up) and we have a good time at home. voila!
September 18th, 2007 at 12:49 am
Ah I hate homework time!! I think its more stressful for me then the kids!
September 18th, 2007 at 3:05 am
Well I for sure hate homework.
Thank goodness, this year, the kids teacher sends out “packets” at the beginning of the week to be done over the course of a week. She has Noddys “modified” so he does not have to do as much or as in depth as the other kids. Also, she stated very clearly that 20 minutes a night was enough for anybody–kids or adult. She said that she is tired after school, so she knows the kids are too.
I still hate it because, with Noddy especially it is a fight! Niles will do it and NOT turn it in. I have been over this several times with the teacher already “Niles is afraid to turn in home work!” I do not know the source of this apparent neurosis but it is there. She must seek it out! He has it done!My Niles chews endlessly on pencils and gets nervous and eats crayons and erasers…and I mean he makes a snack out of them. Ah well, he likes paper and cardboard too. Yes, I have had him to the doctor. He just tells him to stop. Gee whiz…..on and on……..
September 18th, 2007 at 5:28 am
Connor will eat crayons simply because of the waxy feel, he likes candles as well. I wonder if all that chewing on pencils is helping them to sit still and concentrate?
Don’t get me wrong it is gross and bad for the teeth. I’m just curious what the input is for folks who do it.
September 18th, 2007 at 6:18 am
I shudder at the thought of homework next year. Patrick will absolutely not appreciate his school life mixing with his home life (especially daddy time).
Ew on eating pencils though.
September 18th, 2007 at 9:43 am
Hey you! Just following up on your question about the blog awards from last week — Do feel free to borrow the code and bestow them upon deserving others.
September 18th, 2007 at 10:26 am
I came across some pencil toppers one time in an OT magazine that were “chewies”. They were a soft, yet durable plastic that the kids could chew on while doing homework… I can try to find them again if you think you might be interested
September 18th, 2007 at 10:41 am
From the photgraph, I wondered if perhaps you had snuck a puppy home from the shelter the other day!
September 18th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
How I wish schools would just ban homework. It often ends in shouting (me) and sulking (him). And he’s a chewer too, pens, pencils, erasers, any and everything except his nails. What he doesn’t chew, he shreds. A large plastic paperclip he can bend and twist as he does his homework has been keeping him happy lately.
September 18th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
I’ve got to learn to stop opening things with my teeth… awful habit.
September 18th, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Hey, when did you stop by to photograph my pencils? Homework is a group project here. I am now relearning multiplication and introducing my daughter to the times table. Beautiful thing, memorization. No need to think about everything all the time! We wouldn’t have any pencils left…