Naughty Nicholas
The names have not been changed to protect the anonymity of the players.
“Stop it Nicholas!” he barks at a sandy haired little boy. My boys look at Nicholas and stop doing what they are doing.
“Not like that! Here do it this way. Are you listening to me?” Nicholas isn't listening. My boys are listening. They are both unusually quiet, uncommonly still.
“Geez you're so dumb sometimes. Squeeze the red button why dontcha?” Nicholas doesn't squeeze the red button. Nicholas' Dad helps Nicholas' thumb squeeze the red button, “there. See? That's how you do it.”
“Ouch!” squeaks Nicholas. Two additional 'ouches' echo, but Nicholas' Dad doesn't notice. I think I dislike Nicholas' Dad, but say nothing. I say nothing because one of my sons is wrapped around my ankles and I'm carrying a six and a half year old, the epitomy of an over protective and incompetent parent. We wait. It will be our turn soon. I remind myself that we all have bad days. I would not like anyone to closely observe one of our bad days. I remind myself that we are enjoying an exceptionally good day. Lucky us!
I am surprised that my boys are waiting so patiently. I am also surprised that they appear to be watching with close care and intense attention.
One of my boys learns by observation. He will watch whilst somebody else does a task. He'll watch again, and again, and again, until he's ready. When he's ready he will make his first attempt. He rarely gets it right the first time. No-one is allowed to help him. He will scream uproariously with each attempt until he finally masters the new skill.
We watch and learn.
“Give me that,” snaps Dad, as he wrestles the controls from Nicholas. Nicholas pulls a face, so do my boys. “Enough with the attitude!” snarls Nicholas' dad. I shift the weight on my hip a little as Nicholas looks at me with a clear blue gaze. I smile a bit, then I remember that my teeth are no longer off limits. I flash him my enamel with a glint of retainer. He smiles back. “Pay attention Nicholas or you'll never learn anything.” His head snaps back to his dad. “Don't' you know it's rude to stare at…. er……. people!” I glance away because I suspect that I am blushing or blanching.
“Mom?”
“Yes dear.”
“I am stare at people?”
“Oh no, I don't think you ever stare at people, at least not that I've noticed.”
“I am rude?”
“No, not rude.”
“We are have a turn?”
“Yes, we shall soon.”
I think perhaps Nicholas' dad overhears us.
“Come on Nicholas. Lets give these guys a turn, you're no good at it anyway.” Nicholas' dad pulls Nicholas from the seat and moves off to another exhibit. My son unravels himself from my feet and tiptoes cautiously onto the empty, warm seat. My other son slowly and gently slithers down from my hip and steps tentatively towards the same seat. It is very quiet. Their two little bottoms shuffle a bit to make room for each other.
“O.k. let see if we can get this thing to work,” I offer, seeing as how I am a poor teacher in the technology department. Two little faces turn towards me. They are not smiling even though they now have the opportunity to exploit their time and enjoy the activity that they have waited for so patiently.
“Mom?”
“Yes dear?”
“Nicholas' dad is naughty.”
It's not a question, it's a statement.
By other parents, such as myself have committed greater “crimes.”
How do you spread a little luck and rats to the “theory of mind?”
September 8th, 2007 at 12:10 am
My blood boils on reading this and then I remember to my shame that I’ve sometimes been a “Nicholas mom” but almost never in public. This is an excellent example of how not to do it. Your reaction was great, as always and the little fella appreciated it. Most of all, your sons showed empathy and perception. So much for Professor Simon Baron-Cohen and the “Theory of mind.”
September 8th, 2007 at 4:42 am
Indeed.
September 8th, 2007 at 5:07 am
Hooray for your boys. They seem to have intuitively picked up what was going on and showed real depth and understanding. Yes, my friend, you must be doing it up right over there. I am truly sad for Nicholas and hopeful that it was simply a bad day for his dad and not his true nature.
September 8th, 2007 at 8:06 am
That is so sad. I know that I have been upset with my children before, but, um, that is just wrong. But, it is good that your boys picked up on it! They recognized the behavior and were able to put it into words. Nicholas’ dad was VERY naughty….
September 8th, 2007 at 8:16 am
Hi, I commented on your first blog and just found this one! This blog loads super fast!
You have one smart, observant youngster! Nicolas’ dad is very naughty!!
September 8th, 2007 at 8:41 am
Us parents, we really need to get re-educated ourselves……fortunately we have our kids!
September 8th, 2007 at 10:41 am
I loved this! Your boys were acutely aware that this isn’t how you treat a child! We all winced reading it. We’ve all been less than patient with our kids at times, but reading this I had to wonder, if he treats Nicholas like this in public, what the heck does he say to him at home? I think it is a testament to the love and acceptance in your home, that this whole scene made your boys uncomfortable. They know that to belittle a child is wrong. That’s a life lesson they will never forget!
September 8th, 2007 at 11:02 am
Josie said it best…that your sons knew Nicholas’ father was being “naughty” (milder than I would have called it, but…) IS a testament to the love and acceptance at home. How sad that Nicholas doesn’t seem to have a parent like you! Hopefully it was just a bda day for the dad, but my instinct says otherwise. Very sad.
September 8th, 2007 at 11:50 am
Yep, Josie said it for me too. When you wrote what your son said in response to the situation all I could think was “bless his little heart”.
September 8th, 2007 at 1:25 pm
and we sometimes think our kids aren’t listening or don’t really “get” everything that goes on around them…
September 8th, 2007 at 3:22 pm
How proud you must be of your boys!
September 8th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
Doesn’t it just make you want to scoop up Nicholas and tell him he’s smart and great and all that? It makes you wonder how Nicholas’ Dad was raised, what kind of a home he came from to think that that’s the way to talk to a child. Sounds like there’s a bigger story there under the surface. Glad it was a good day for you and yours though!
September 8th, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Now I think that parent needs a time out.
September 8th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
I agree with Michelle. I wanted to give Nicholas a big hug and tell him he is a delightful child and other encouraging words. Life is hard enough without dad bringing you down. I’m willing to bet dad’s childhood wasn’t full of encouraging words or actions from his parents.
Love your blog, your writing. I can identify with much.
September 8th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
You are much more equitable than I to even consider giving Nicholas’ dad some slight leniency.
I KNOW I dislike him.
I know I very much like the moments with you and your boys.
September 9th, 2007 at 6:05 am
Nicholas’s dad sounds like a real jerk. Being irritated with your kids, sure, it happens, but he was just being plain mean. And good heavens! It was over a game! Who cares if the kid doesn’t get it – not like he’ll never lead a productive life because he can’t mash some buttons! That makes me mad. I yell at my kids more than I’d like to, but personal attacks and insults are off limits. And it’s wonderful that your boys recognized the wrongness of it.