The Ancient Mariner
Where is my compass when I need it?
Or should that rather be a sexton? Or a map?
But I have learned one new thing; anxiety is contagious, or should that be infectious?
My older son's obsession with the passage of time has grown to gargantuan proportions. I am unable to field his constant question, 'how long until electronics?' Nothing distracts him from the passing seconds displayed on the timer. He carries it around with him and glances at the figures with every breath. I'm not sure if I'm anxious or just plain ratty at the harassment, but I do know that it's not healthy for either of us.
We will both be arithmetical athletes if he keeps up at this rate. There are insufficient seconds between the seconds, for me to give any attention to my other children and responsibilities. It is only possible to read a couple of words or part of a line about “Your Anxious Child,” which means that I am no closer to finding an appropriate coping strategy for any of us. “It's taking too long” he wails, interspersed with “how many minutes until electronics? No, no, no, I mean how many seconds?” He will wear out his vocal chords if he keeps twanging them in the manner. They're not used to such exercise.
I am in the midst of circular thought patterns myself, when it dawns on me that another cause of concern is that he has also failed to play with his electronics for the last few days. When the designated time, 5:30 p.m. finally arrives, instead of pounding off to grab one of the coveted toys, he ambles around listlessly. After we've started our bedtime routine after supper, it occurs to him that he has missed 'electronics' time again. I am uncertain how this turn of events has come about?
If we spend another 24 hours like this, I might as well book my spot in a padded cell. There again, that might give me a few minutes to read, learn, strategize and come up with some kind of new campaign, no matter how inadequate it eventually turns out to be. How can he have so many words and yet I have none, or at least not the right ones?
As the timer starts beeping he dashes to my side to wave it around in a storm of ecstasy, “it's 5:30, it's electronics time, at last! I thought it would never come! I'm so glad that's all over with.” He deflates into the sofa with a sigh. “Now I can relax, that's so much better.”
His fingers turn the pages of one of the manuals to one of his games, as he studies the pictures and instructions.
“Um…..aren’t you going to play with your…Gameboy…..or something?” I offer tentatively now that he appears to be at peace.
“Nah!…..whatever,” he adds with all the charm of a teenager. Whatever! Whatever? Don’t you ‘whatever’ me matey! We have endured an entire day, second by second, and now all we have is ‘whatever!’ I am unfamiliar with ‘young people speak,’ but even I know that this roughly translates to ‘it is a trifle of no consequence.’ Where is all this ‘young people speak’ coming from? ‘A trifle of no consequence’ does not match today’s experience. I am completely mystified, a condition which I believe is rapidly becoming my new status.
Much later, when I tuck him into bed at eight, he realizes that another 24 hours has passed, during which time he has failed to play any electronics.
We have turned into a family of rampant, racing radicals, not the free kind.
Pass me the monkey nuts, I need to re-energize before I fall off my wheel.
September 9th, 2007 at 12:18 am
Poor Maddy! That particular obession can be truly maddening and hard to break. Nearly 13 years and still trying. Thankfully, I’m no longer poked in the ribs at 5 a.m. to be rudely awakened to cries of “Iz time!” instead of “Good morning, mom.” I rarely knew what it was time for. Watching the hourglass timer used to calm him, until the day he dismantled one to count the grains of sand and see if there wasn’t a way to hasten the flow… Best wishes for the latest campaign and may you deliver your son’s soul from Kronos’ grasp.
September 9th, 2007 at 6:02 am
We are having issues with the rationing of “electronics” in our household as well. I had thought we would cut them out completely during the day with schoolwork beginning, but I am finding my little junkies deserve some kind of reward mid-day after the morning marathon of working. That helps them hold out until the evening. I need to find more reinforcers!
September 9th, 2007 at 6:08 am
When my son perseverates over things, sometimes I just put my foot down and tell him, “Enough, we’re not talking about that anymore.” Then I move him onto anotehr topic. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. And since I’m sure this is something that you’ve probably already tried, all I can say is that I can totally empathize with how crazy-making it is. Hang in there.
September 9th, 2007 at 6:16 am
My dev peds (2 of them.. IMO the first one doesn’t count) both said not to plan my day at home. That it will feed the OCD. IBI/ABA told me I had to … that was one of the things I never caved on and they didn’t like.
I have OCD problems with time with the eldest but I won’t feed it, I won’t sympathise with it either.
I have a few other suggestions and will email them to you. Right now I need to go and get my sitter.
S.
September 9th, 2007 at 6:58 am
Oh goodness, Maddy! That is worse than the proverbial “Are we there yet?” isn’t it? Your hamster talk reminded me of this clip on You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXRH50fvHWA
I think you’ll relate!
September 9th, 2007 at 7:55 am
Oi! Am having my own problems with time… Haven’t I graduated yet? When am I going to graduate? Etc. I am making myself crazy. Driving myself into despair. I’ve had to stop and tell myself, in so many words, “Enough. Be here, in this moment, now.” I don’t know if it will work, the looking ahead habit is so hard to break. My thoughts and empathy are with you both. Wish I had solutions for us all! I look forward to hearing how things go from here.
September 9th, 2007 at 8:20 am
I have no words of advice. I have no idea what I would do. Sorry, not much help :S I hope you can figure something out soon though!
September 9th, 2007 at 8:28 am
I am so sorry! This kind of thing drives me crazy! However, I know you will come up with a plan to deal with it! Can you give him a ticket every morning to spend his electronics time whenever he wants to? Then maybe have his tickets “expire” at some point. I don’t know if that will help. Let us know what you come up with.
September 9th, 2007 at 5:57 pm
The waiting is so hard.
I wonder who it is harder for.
September 9th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
I think Bonnie’s on the right track. Maybe it will break his pattern if he has his electronics time when he chooses it (or maybe at any point in the afternoon). Once he’s used it for the day, its done.
Of course, you will have the chain reaction effect of your other kids wanting electronics time other than at 5:30…
Sometimes breaking the pattern for a short time can help, though.
September 9th, 2007 at 8:31 pm
I was so excited today. I have always limited television, believing that there is so much more to experience in life. After watching two shows my daughter got up and turned off the tv without any prompting … I was in shock and do not expect it to occur again
Waiting is tough.
September 9th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
Now this is something. I have seen the same kind of tremendous anticipation in Charlie for something and then, when the time is (thanks the stars) up and the desired thing proffered, he walks away from it, Mr. Casual. Sometimes I think the waiting is all.
Or maybe we all just have a lot of albatrosses around our necks.
September 10th, 2007 at 5:03 pm
Just words of “I understand” and “hope it gets better soon”. Funny how autism is thought of as the silent diagnosis…my Aspie son is verbally relentless, and loud, and often confused and confusing. Many days I am not certain if it will be he, the severe ADHD/bipolar or the CP child that finally does away with my last brain cell.
But then the good days and good times follow the insane ones and somehow in the end…it balances out…before we begin the bad again.
Take care, hang on.