Line up your ducks Old MacDonald
Sometimes you're too close to it to notice.
The patently obvious is ignored by my radar.
The reports from school tell me important information that fill in some of the gaps, but I fail to note the duplication at home.
Habituation has set in, not particularly for them, but for us, the parents. We're so used to the squalking, bleating and rooster noises that we hardly hear them any more. Ear plugs are unnecessary as we just tune out the 'white noise' of his mouth, as well as all the clicks, clucks, sucky and blowy noises.
They used to be irritants, now they are more of a semi musical accompaniment, a back drop or wall paper to our daily existence. I imagine, that if you were unfortunate enough to a secure the desk next to him in the classroom, you would have little chance of concentration. We need to address this.
Answer comes to me like a flash of lightening, because I am an American. The quickest solution is probably the best one. The strategic placement of a six inch strip of duct tape. Unfortunately we have to fall back on less immediate methods of assistance.
To understand just how all pervasive this noise machine is, I can give you a little snippet, as examples sometimes help. The noises take precedence over words. They're easier to produce and require no thought. It's usually a far more accurate response than searching around the word bank, identifying the right one and then verbalizing it, all of which is terribly time consuming. It is also very hard work. Even if you go to all the effort of finding a word or two and speaking them aloud, attempt articulation, the dim witted adult that you're talking to, doesn't get it. How frustrating is that? If adults fail to respond appropriately, or if you the child are under pressure, it's much easier to just make noises. Part of the benefit of making those noises, a by product as it were, is that you actually feel better just by using them, like a little steam release valve of pent up emotion. The judicial use of squalking can actually aid word production, once the excess pressure is dissippated. Almost a win win position.
I need to remember, that when the rooster crows and nods his head towards the cereal box, although I know he wants me to open it, instead of obeying, I need to prompt or wait for him to find his words. This might seem unkind, but people in the general public are not going to make the same connections that I am able to make, especially if it's not a box of Kellog's cornflakes.
I think it's difficult to understand this fizzling down to the lowest common denominator. If you can spell, write and know the meaning of 'compromise,' why would someone like that find it so difficult to ask a simple question like, 'please can you pour some cereal into my bowl,' or alternatively if that's too difficult, skip the words and actually do the pouring yourself?
The answer to that question differs slightly for each of my sons, involves several different steps and theories, all of which would take far to long to explain here.
It's enough to know that this is the nub of the problem from their perspective 'too difficult but if I squalk I get results.' This isn't so very different from any other child’s response in my humble opinion. The key for me, is to remember correct my own behavioural response. This old dog, must learn a new trick. I must not react like Pavlov's dog.
And less of the ‘old’ thank you.
October 18th, 2007 at 10:50 pm
Sometimes I just call my guy “squeaky”—-we were on the playground with some younger kids and the “noising” commenced. I shrugged—-as it was, the other parents were both speaking other languages (than American English).
Old MacDonald had a corral of lovely, “different” little guys and gals……
October 19th, 2007 at 12:05 am
my son’s noises have reduced as he has got older – they used to relate to whatever the current obsession was, so when he was a lorry they would be the vacuum brakes, when he was a gun they would be shots etc (all of which made us jump till we got used to them!)
at my son’s school they have an exceptional needs department (a purpose built one with low sensory impact – no plumbing noises and soft lighting!) for the kids who aren’t coping in the classroom and quite a lot of the autistic kids are there from time to time. they adopt the same approach you suggest – the non-verbal kids need to sign that they want something and the verbal ones have to say it, even if it takes a while. because its such a safe environment it seems to work for them.
October 19th, 2007 at 3:19 am
Our kids are so cleaver in training us without us actually noticing!
October 19th, 2007 at 5:02 am
Joey uses words for white noise- they just have only vague, tangential relationship to teh situation, and are repeated at high whine until the results ensue. Learning that language is an effective tool, even if it takes work and time, is really difficult- even for non-autistic kids.
October 19th, 2007 at 5:59 am
My eldest and I went through the process and now the little one and I are. No words, no get. And that includes if we are upset about something. I’ve also been pedalling conversation. Asking him if “he’s sure”. “Mom’s turn” for the swing when I know he wants it, trying to get him to say “My turn”.
It’s coming. SLOWLY!!! The eldest spoilt me with his speed at picking things up. But… Thurs night we got a perfect spelling test and he wrote the words out at school (I blogged it)… Maybe it’s coming not as slow as I thought.. and it’s Mom that needs to hurry up.
S.
October 19th, 2007 at 7:17 am
Connor has me trained so well that sometimes it can be a real struggle to remember to get words or sign from him.
October 19th, 2007 at 7:41 am
Sometimes the tail does indeed wag the dog. This has been something we’ve actively been working on and I still sometimes go back to my old “trained” ways.
October 19th, 2007 at 8:18 am
Leah would never make any noises. I was the only one she talked to and it was so low even with her right up to my ear she was hard to hear. With others she would just stand there. No clicks, grunts or pointing. One lady who kept her when I had to go somewhere would hold out things to her until she took the one she wanted. If she wanted something from someone with me around, Leah would tell me and I would have to tell them.
October 19th, 2007 at 8:50 am
We are in the same boat right now. We have gotten so used to just doing what we know he wants, even though he hasn’t attempted to say or sign anything. It’s hard to train yourself to do such things! It would be so much easier if the kids would just do it
October 19th, 2007 at 9:00 am
It is interesting to get notes from the school and see their perspective. Last week, I got a bus referral for my son. It reported that “he would not obey and his mother had to remove him from the bus and he fought her”.
Now, I was there, but I wouldn’t say he was fighting me! He was very resistant to being led off the bus, because one of the kids had spit gum in the aisle and he didn’t want to step over it.
I’m just so used to compensating that I forget it’s “atypical” and unusual. Then again, even my typical kids have to be trained to actually SAY please and thank you, not just smile and look cute!
October 19th, 2007 at 9:06 am
Everyone is trained by their kids in one way or another, autistic or not.
October 19th, 2007 at 9:59 am
Kaeden pretty much does it all on his own rather than asking. We preach that he must ask when he wants something, but 90% of the time I hear him busy getting his own drink or food. And teh little noises, yes, we have those as well. I haven’t quite gotten to the place where they are white noise…some days I can’t stand it, with all that clicking and the hitting things on other things to create a thump, thump, thump…and other days, I can just take it all in stride.
October 19th, 2007 at 11:21 am
Hey, I am good at this one, I can wait forever as my son dances through his noises and signs. What I am not so good at, is drowning out the sqwaks, shreaks, and semi musical cords screamed at me through out the day. Not quite wallpaper for me, but hopefully one day I will learn how to tune it out:)
October 19th, 2007 at 11:36 am
I think I will view this as a cuationary tale for our household! Nik is on teh cusp of those non-word sounds, grunts, squeaks, squeals, etc. It is SO hard not to anticpate and filter. In our efforts to help smooth the way for our immensely challenged child, are we in fact setting up greater barriers for the longer haul? Thanks for this food for thought, Maddy.
October 19th, 2007 at 1:23 pm
Thank you so very much for your comment. Vocalizations is such a tough spot. The little guy I work with does have words, but they are few and far between and hard to understand when he does use words. He has a device, but rarly uses it. Yes communication is most certainly a priority of mine. Its nice to see someone working through the same things. I shall be adding you to my blogroll if thats ok
October 19th, 2007 at 1:38 pm
When I lived in Germany with my parents and my sister we would hear bomb noises going off all the time and it would rattle the window. After a while I quit noticeing it. My grandma came to visit and mentioned the sound and I wondered what sound until she told me.
Sometimes it is so much easier to just give my son what he wants before he says it because it takes twice as long.
October 19th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
I think all parents can be guilty of this. I know I am on a lesser scale. I have to refocus and make sure my preschooler is using her pleases and thank yous and not just grunting for what she needs or wants.
October 20th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
I can make really good rooster sounds. My parents had a chicken farm for a few years when I was 12. All the roosters were very confrontational, but I think they just liked to ham it up a little. So I let them chase me around in order to let them feel all defiant, the way they like to feel. I had a good laugh…
I don’t have autism or any children at all. I just thught I’d comment on this great li’l blog and tell you about my rooster connection.
Thanks for the post maddy!