Update Your Insurance Policy
Some people take a very deterministic approach to autism, sometimes fatalistic, but there’s one thing that we’re sure of, the diagnoses isn’t static, more like quicksilver.
I ensure that they are all occupied and engaged with their snacks before I try to unload the shopping, but one of them is persistent.
I ignore him as I don't want to be distracted. There are few guarantees in life, but I know that frozen food will thaw if it is left any longer in the boot of the car. I'm fairly confident that he doesn't know what he's talking about anyway. When it comes to the subject of 'England' I'm sure that I know more about it than he does, because he is American. There is something about his insistent tone that needles my nerve endings.
“No. It is English. I sure!”
“Yes, dear.” I placate him, anything for peace as I haul in bagfuls of groceries. He is so close to me, just like a cat that entwines your legs determined to be fed. I need an insurance policy to ensure a secure future, or at the very least, that we can make it alive until bed time.
We are in a very narrow spot, the spot between the car and the junk in the garage, a little pathway that leads from the car door to the kitchen door, perilous. Why does he do it? I want to stop everything and explain, 'look at me! I'm buried in groceries! I'm not asking you to help but could you just either shut up for a nano second or move your body out of the way, I'm happy with either?' Part of the reason I don't do this, is because flowing speech still has novelty value, for me at least. Also it would definitely be mean and would certainly hurt his feelings, as well as the risk of meltdown factor in a confined space. Another reason that I don't take remedial action, is that just for once I'd love to complete one simple task rather than leaving every single little thing half done.
I try not to think of all the papers laid out in the office, the medical insurance claim that is so overdue, or the presents to be wrapped, the endless list of things undone. I don't really want to have a little chat with my non-verbal son about something trivial, off beat and of no importance to anyone else on the planet, except him.
All I want is to get the groceries unpacked whilst my brain works out what on earth to make for supper. I need two minutes to think of something for supper. Why didn't I think of something for supper whilst we were actually in the supermarket? Because they were all there with me, which meant that I was incapable of any kind of thought. Why didn't I think of what to make for supper before I went to the supermarket? Because they were still all there at home with me too. No nano seconds of free brain time have been available to me for four consecutive days.
How can I ensure that their nutritional needs are met if I am unsure of just about everything. For two pins I'd drop the lot and run screaming from the house just to find those two minutes of peace, but my path is blocked in both directions, boy in front, door behind. I was never good at hurdles as a youngster and I see no reason why this lack of athletic ability should have improved, now that I am in my dotage. A sure sign that I am well and truly trapped.
Two years ago I would have given a pint of blood for eye contact like this. Another pint for just a scrap of that attention. I’d have drained myself dry to be on any subject other than trains and dinosaurs, but now I am feckless, fickle and feeble.
I fear I am suffering from a severe case of cabin fever and very low on reserves. We may yet be reduced to eating twigs, especially if the chef doesn't wake up and smell some caffeine. But there's no stopping him.
“I sure! It is English,” he persists.
We bumble and tumble our way back inside the house. I sit on the floorboards in the kitchen, weary and defeated, surrounded by overflowing, split and ragged grocery bags. I give up and give in.
“What is English dear?” I submit to doing what I should have been doing in the first place. When will I ever just do the right thing at the right time?
“Dah packaging.”
“What packaging dear?”
“Dah packaging on dah bottles.”
“What bottles dear?”
“Dah bottles dat are yurs, er, dah Ensure bottles.”
I look at the six packs, my insurance of continued health if not growth.
“They look pretty ordinary to me.”
“Dey come from England?”
“No we just bought them at Lucky's.”
“Lucky's buyed them from England?”
“No they weren't imported…..I mean no, they're American.”
“I am beed certain!”
“Certain? That’s a new word!”
“Sure! I am beed sure and certain too!”
“What are you certain…er….sure of?”
“Dat dey are have dah English name?” My brain is numb. I have no idea what he is on about. He can now recognize 'blank' when he sees it. He takes pity on my slow brain.
“In England dey say 'ENsure.' In America we say 'INsure.'”
Yup, that's right, there are no guarantees with anything these days.
November 29th, 2007 at 11:43 pm
“No nano seconds of free brain time have been available to me for four consecutive days…..
For two pins I’d drop the lot and run screaming from the house just to find those two minutes of peace”
I’m running with you!… just had 3 days (been enough for me), and now counting the seconds til I can think, or at least breathe on my own!!!
PS – Gotta love the English bottles!
xx
November 30th, 2007 at 1:14 am
I hope you get some time out tonight. Then again, with kids, you never know what will happen.
November 30th, 2007 at 1:20 am
Oh Maddy, that was me tonight too. Diva was out of the house for 3 hours and Frog was getting tired, so I thought I might try to get something done – some advocating for DIVA this time (the mean old librarian at school misplaced the book Diva turned in, spent all of 30 seconds looking for it, then told Diva in front of the whole class that she had not turned in the book and it was now overdue and she needed to take an overdue slip to her mother – sensitive Diva that she is there was hyperventilation, sobs, and Drama galore all through Thanksgiving break). Frog decided he needed to swing and mommy and only mommy could push him just right and it had to be right now – with the clock ticking, because it was time to go pick up Diva. So, instead of doing what I should have done, I said “Not now, you make the swing go or go get Daddy” . . . I got to add a tantrum to my list complete with removal of all his clothing in protest and refusal to move off the living room floor to get his PJ’s. Not exactly the “bedtime ritual†they advocate in all those books.
Love your little guy’s persistence and attention to detail – and picking up on your “blank†look . . . that’s some social cue reading! Too bad it always has to happen when it’s time to think about dinner ;0)
November 30th, 2007 at 5:30 am
What a wonderful and hilarious description. He’s out-smarting you you know. On a more serious note; get yourself some time alone. Seriously, if you have to duct tape the kids to the other adult in the family and run away screaming…do it!
November 30th, 2007 at 5:49 am
Charlie’s first therapists were from the upper Midwest and Las Vegas (the latter therapist was in the Twin Cities for school). Our current ABA consultant is from New Jersey and, after observing Charlie at a meeting, she said “Is that a Minnesota accent he’s using?” Our kids really know how to listen.
As for being caught in tight places—-I’ve too often had to do the type of acrobatics where I had this dripping load of clothes that needed to go straight to the wash in my hands and was somehow maintaining some sort of contact with a boy in need of a bath _fast_ and not close enough to the bathtub!
November 30th, 2007 at 6:24 am
bless his growing mind he is making connections. how exciting. now, i pray you have more than a few nanoseconds so your own mind can be recharged and makle some refreshing connections. i can remember being stressed enough to go donate blood because somehow the opportunity to lay still on a bed for 15 minutes and then be given donuts afterward was worth having a large bore needle rammed into my vein.
November 30th, 2007 at 6:37 am
I’d give a pint of blood for a conversation like that!
I’d also give a pint of blood for two minutes outside the house on my own. Hey, take two if I can have a lie down and donuts like lime..
How long until I’d run out of blood?
Clever little poppet he is, isn’t he
x
November 30th, 2007 at 7:21 am
Well there’s some higher order thinking for you! Yes, I often pine for moments to myself…
November 30th, 2007 at 7:38 am
I have found myself in a similar state. I have prayed and made deals with the devil so that my son would talk and ask questions. Now that he does, sometimes I think I am going insane because he asks me the same questions at least one hundred times an hour. It’s beautiful and painful at the same time! Overall though, I’ll take the incessant questions over the silence any day!!!!
November 30th, 2007 at 8:06 am
How clever of him! Jack ponders words in just that way.
As for you… I wish I could come watch the kids so you could take some time for yourself. It’s so critical.
You wrote so vividly here. I could picture the scene exactly.
November 30th, 2007 at 8:08 am
Here’s to hoping for some me time for Maddy
November 30th, 2007 at 9:18 am
Well, he got ya on that one!
Why is it that kids always need to hang on your leg when you are carrying an armload of groceries. I always try to coordinate bringing the groceries home with when my hubby might be coming home for lunch. I absolutely detest bringing in the groceries.
In my not so finer moments I have said, “Can you see I am carrying groceries, your brother, my purse, and the diaper bag? MOVE, PLEASE!”
November 30th, 2007 at 9:43 am
Oh, that is awesome! I know it was frustrating for you… but I love it!
November 30th, 2007 at 9:49 am
again, logic rules! wish I had some to help me out some days. It all makes sense once you figure it out!
November 30th, 2007 at 10:35 am
It makes perfect sense!
November 30th, 2007 at 12:35 pm
Working at one of those rather stuffy business concerns that use formal language, I can vouch for the fact that even in the U.S. we use the word Ensure in many of our documents. /grin
November 30th, 2007 at 1:05 pm
You just have to sit and listen to them don’t you. How else can we catch up and understand their incredible intelligence.
Crystal xx
November 30th, 2007 at 2:00 pm
yep. dat be English.
November 30th, 2007 at 2:02 pm
my most common line:
uhhh…do i look a little busy??
November 30th, 2007 at 2:45 pm
I can never ever shop for food with Maizie. Unless I have like one thing to buy. My brain does not work with her asking me questions and screaming that her legs hurt. Argh!
November 30th, 2007 at 2:51 pm
So he was encertain about the Ensure? Or Sure about the Incertain? Or … I lost track!
Very sweet post. You have the patience of … um … of … of someone who has LOTS of patience!
November 30th, 2007 at 3:13 pm
He is really coming along, which is good, because he can start taking care of you before they ship you off to the funny farm.
Seriously, you have fantastic kids and they have fantastic parents.
Love you
Suzy
November 30th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Oh my god, you both are brilliant.
November 30th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
isn’t it funny how we wish so hard for something, then nearly go bonkers trying to deal with the new skill? I think it is just another way for me to experience guilt..in case I haven’t had my daily dose already. Wishing you a nanosecond…we are having tater tots and chicken…maybe an apple?
November 30th, 2007 at 5:47 pm
You are sounding tired Maddy but your little fella is going great guns!
November 30th, 2007 at 8:32 pm
[...] 2007 at 3:31 (Coping strategies, Love & acceptance) This old poem of mine is posted for Whitterer and all the other mums and dads out [...]
November 30th, 2007 at 8:35 pm
How smart of him.
I hope you get time to think soon.
November 30th, 2007 at 8:44 pm
It must be the time of year. Both patience and time are running short. A woman down here walked out on her fiance and 2 kids 6 weeks ago, just left. Now, I was putting money on the fiance killing her. But they found her, under a tree, reading the Bible, 6 weeks later. She didn’t want to go home. Questions abound. Good thing you aren’t good at hurdles I guess
.
November 30th, 2007 at 9:21 pm
It’s hard to stop and think for a minute when the kid’s brains obviously don’t stop!
Very smart kid!!
Hope you get a moment to yourself. Sounds like a good time for a pre-bed long hot bath.
December 1st, 2007 at 6:55 am
Just when I’m on the brink of running, Rosie will burst out with something that stops me in my tracks. I think they can smell the desperation…
December 1st, 2007 at 2:25 pm
Hope you were able to get some quiet time at some point
He sounds like a very observant and curious kid.
December 2nd, 2007 at 3:45 pm
You are an amazing woman… I am only too familiar with the brain-shut-down phenomena that occurs with too much stress/stimulus and no down time. I hope you’ve been able to aquire some for yourself.