Full of potential
It’s not an interview.
It’s more of an on site evaluation.
The new potential baby sitter is of course foreign.
This means she is far superior to the local version, where children are parked in front of the telly as soon as you leave the house.
I watch her reactions carefully, and completely ignore the antics of my children. Her arrival is timed perfectly. My youngest son is in full level 10 meltdown because his chores are incomplete and electronics time is therefore delayed. I am tempted to capitulate and create a good impression. He flails on the floor at full volume at the outrageousness and unfairness of my rules. “I am dah hate you, bad, bad, bad!” he shrieks. I sequence the other two young people through their ‘greeting new people’ steps, although it is difficult to hear anything at all with the screamer in tow.
I explain a few basics as we step over the riling body of my youngest. Her eyes are wide but she not on retreat. “He’s a bit of a drama queen,” I mention in passing. I explain pertinent facts to assist her and the simple evening routine, tidy toys, clean teeth, wash face and hands, put on your pyjamas, which I expect exactly matches the routine in 99% of American households.
I am in mid sentence as junior bolts for the door, or rather bolts for the chair that elevates his diminished stature, that permits him to remove the deadbolt and bolt into the garden to the street.
We retrieve him. “I hate you! You are bad bad bad. I am go!” He marches through the house in the opposite direction with the determination appropriate to a monarch.
“Does he say that a lot?” asks the baby sitter.
“Every day,” I reply.
“Wow, I thought it was just me?” she wavers. “I mean, my 9 year old says that all the time!”
I look at the new potential baby sitter with more warmth. We are all parents and sometimes it’s hard to work out what is autism and what is typical?
I race after him and the baby sitter follows my steps just in time to witness his contact with the button that opens the garage door to facilitate his escape. An alternative route to adoption.
“Sorry there’s so many doors,” I whimper, “he’ll be just fine if he get to ‘electronics.’ I just need to guide him to that point.”
I have already explained the significance of electronics. I know that she gets it. I can see it in her eyes, in her body language.
Every so often, some kindly parent takes pity on me. I thought I knew about girls but boys were a different species, a species I knew nothing about. Generous people throw me balm and help recalibrate my brain. Just yesterday I was in mid moan to a pal:
“Geez Madz! Get over yourself why don’t yah! My boys piss on the walls and floor all the time! That’s not autism!” I resist the urge to kiss her manicured toe nails for the unwarranted gift of a seductive dose of sanity.
Stumble it!
November 2nd, 2007 at 1:15 am
I think it would be hard to know what is usual for kids and what isn’t. I think we are all learning as we go.
November 2nd, 2007 at 3:02 am
I, too, get regular reality checks from folks with NT kids. I sometimes find myself doing a quick stroll down memory lane to see if my 3 siblings, numerous cousins and friends acted the same way. Most of the time, the answer is a resounding “Yes”, but the age, duration and intensity are very different. Looks like you’ve got a wonderful babysitter in the making. Hope it works out well.
November 2nd, 2007 at 3:04 am
It is hard at times to differentiate between what is ‘autism’ and ‘typical’. In fact I find it refreshing when the supposed ‘typical’ makes mine look angelic! I guess kids are simply kids.
November 2nd, 2007 at 3:36 am
Yes! As you know my son has his fingers in his ears constantly….i just have to remind my self what teenagers listen to thier mothers!
November 2nd, 2007 at 4:02 am
Glad you have your pal to point out what’s typical some times.
I don’t have kids, but sometimes aren’t kids just kids?
Love the photo Maddy!
Love,
Suzy
November 2nd, 2007 at 4:55 am
Oh Maddy I am there with you! I have know idea sometimes what is the autism and what is the age sometimes, especially when all my experience had been with girls.
I do know his current love of saying “NO!” to everything is age appropriate.
November 2nd, 2007 at 5:39 am
What is autism and what is typical? The sixty-four-thousand dollar question, no? I think it’s as someone else said, the intensity and the duration are key. Sounds like the babysitter is a keeper. Good luck!
November 2nd, 2007 at 5:48 am
Ah, the joys of ‘bolting’. Your blog brings back memories! Good job for sticking to the no video games. I probably would have caved. Don’t you love it though when some well meaning people try and point out that something your child does is “not” autism and is totally normal and you are sitting there thinking, “Are you kidding me?” Do you know what I mean. Like, not sleeping through the night. yes, totally normal…but not sleeping through the night for eight years straight! Yeah right.
November 2nd, 2007 at 7:23 am
Oh God, Maddy, so funny. Okay, that babysitter is GOLD! And yes, we forget all of the time, that not all of this behavior is autistic! I LOVE LOVE people who bring me back to that reality.
November 2nd, 2007 at 8:12 am
I too get reminders of “normal” from friends. But then I have to bite my tongue - HARD - b/c the next thing I want to say is “Your kid doesn’t have any developmental delays and you ALLOW it????”
How did the babysitter work out??
S.
November 2nd, 2007 at 10:13 am
It’s hard to be the unyielding general; that babysitter may be just the ticket for you . . .
November 2nd, 2007 at 10:13 am
Yep to all of it. My first son is NT and I have a lot of trouble identifying what is autism and what is normal behaviour…and I have the two in front of me to compare. We’re all feeling our way around here. I also have to say that sometimes “normal” behaviour is something I’m glad my boys don’t always exhibit.
Sounds like a fantastic babysitter.
November 2nd, 2007 at 11:23 am
Wonderful post!
I agree with Leanne as well- Jaysen is now 6, and his extent of bad words has been “stupid” and “fart”. And delayed language is always a bad thing?
November 2nd, 2007 at 3:39 pm
I have trouble differentiating between autistic and typical quite often these days.
Crystal xx
November 2nd, 2007 at 3:51 pm
Sounds like a great babysitter; I had one that ended when I came home and DS said, “Guess what mom, I got to watch 3 movies!” Yeah. My non autistic son is on year 5 of not sleeping through the night. I’ll let you know if we get to 8. He did sleep through from 2 1/2 to 3 and then we moved. Not sleeping is a dirty little secret; no one wants to admit it, but it’s more common than you think.
November 2nd, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Normal is so overrated!
I often question how normal it all is and I am left wondering why I would waste my time questioning it.
How the babysitter works out. Someday I really should leave my kids with one … Like “normal” people do.
November 4th, 2007 at 12:38 pm
Wow, does this babysitter do east coast, too!?
She sounds like a gem.
So many times I struggle with the question of what is “normal” behavior. I have no other child to compare and my sister only had girls (who are now teenagers). Sometimes I tell myself it doesn’t even matter; it’s just Nik being Nik.