Hope springs eternal
Some unsophisticated parents inadvertently form causal behavioural links within their children. The bell rings and Pavlov’s dog salivates. The bathwater splashes and my youngest son runs at the speed of light, screaming like a banshee.
Once these associations have been formed, it can be very difficult to unlink them. Repeated exposure in tiny, but ever increasing increments, can eventually be successful.
Even now, his first response is always a protest, but that may just be because the suggestion of a bath is also a transition. He is hard wired to resist transitions.
In this particular instance I have no option. I remove him from the scene of devastation and plop him in a bath of warm water. He's too exhausted to resist. I leave his father in charge of the other two and the clean up operation after junior's spectacular, technical vomit performance. I should like to pull rank and claim that I am the mistress of delegation, but it truth it’s more that he is a better team player than me.
Junior lies in the water semi inert. I park myself on the bidet, the closest point of contact and wait for him to calm down. For many children, an upset stomach is often caused by eating something that has disagreed with them. In this particular child, a neophobic one with a diet of 17 foods, I know that nothing new or dodgy could possibility have entered his system, either deliberately or accidentally. I must mine for details and turn the situation to my advantage.
His silence is entirely predictable as 'ill' usually means that his body has to concentrate on other things, rather than speech. After a while, his feet start to show interest, as toes are so much safer than fingers. He taps the different surfaces, tentatively, especially as he has to ensure that his head remains above the water line, cannot get wet. After a thorough preliminary investigation, it is safe for his fingers. His fingers repeat all the taps that his feet have just made. “Dis is hot, dis is hotter and dis is dah hottest,” he announces with reference to the faucet fitting. His eyes travel back to mine, a ‘check in’ that allows me to bask in a brief moment of joint attention and referencing back. “I like because it is dah smooth too.” For the first time in four years I forgive my spouse for spending a fortune on European bathroom fittings.
“So …….I was thinking.”
“Wot?”
“Why are you ill?”
“I dun know.”
“Maybe it's all the licking you've been doing recently?” His open eyes match his open mouth, as he concentrates.
You may be familiar with the oral fixation stage of development in babies. They mouth everything, nothing is safe, everything is covered with drool. Some babies skip this stage completely, or do it later, sometimes much later. Some little people with oral defensiveness, avoid almost all textures and tastes. These are often the same little people that skip the 'mouthing' stage. When such a person begins to lick things, a parent, or at least some feeble minded parents, might be tempted to turn a blind eye. Some feeble minded parents, who secretly delight in this mis-timed development, believe that it may be socially inappropriate but a delayed development is infinitely better than no development at all. It would appear that blind eyes result in tummy upsets.
“Can you remember what you've licked today dear?”
“Um…..no.”
“'No' you haven't licked anything or 'no' you don't remember what you licked?”
“2.”
“O.k. lets start with when you woke up. What did you lick when you woke up?”
“Dah mirror. I play snailses.”
“Lovely! Good remembering.”
“I licked it until is was cleaned.”
“Great!” I debate what bacteria might be on the surface of double mirrored doors in a bedroom, or at least the first four feet from carpet to tongue height? He sits in the bath water. Each arm extended. He mimicks the diving surfacing motion of a dolphin with each hand until the dolphins’ noses collide in the centre. As they crash he grins with satisfaction. He shares his success with me as his eyes meet mine. He repeats the diving in a ceaseless loop of perfection because OCD tendencies are stronger than other tendencies. If the dolphins mis-time their aquatics he curses, “barnacles! barnacles! barnacles!” and begins again, but the eye contact is more rare and precious than any metal on the planet. Barnacles, can be a difficult swear word to pronounce. Every time he swears incorrectly, he changes to his alternative, “fishpaste! fishpaste! fishpaste!” which of course is also difficult to pronounce. It must be frustrating, not to be able to swear to your own high standards.
“What did you lick next, when you came downstairs perhaps?”
“Er……I be licked dah window.”
“Ah.”
“But I stopped.”
“Why did you stop.”
“It be freeze my tongue. I like lick dah warm fings.”
“Ah, lovely. What next?”
“I be finded a warm fing.”
“What warm thing did you find?”
“Ella.”
“Oh! You licked your sister?”
“Yes. But then I bited her coz she said 'no lick me!' and she be dah shout and dah loud and she hurted my ears wiv dah noise.”
“Oh dear!”
“She…… be taste nice and……..salty.”
“Well if you eat your sister you won’t be a vegetarian any more,” I tell the child who doesn’t eat vegetables.
“What I am be?”
“You’ll be a canni……er…..um…. a carnivore, or maybe just an omnivore.” Om, om, om.
One step forward, two steps back. I suspect cross contamination shortly.
Post script – after five baths in five hours, after five further incidents of illness, someone submitted to having a wet head. Oddly enough, I now seem to have inadvertently linked ‘baths’ to ‘cure all.’ Baths made him feel better, not well but better, cleaner, more relaxed. So it appears that we have no further need for the medical profession. There again, it is far more time consuming to bathe than to provide a Bandaid, and not quite so portable. Come to think of it, excessive bathing might feed into the OCD cleanliness nightmare. Maybe I should just stop thinking.
I am happy to swim in the wake of at the slowest little life boat in the convoy, doggy paddle of course. Woof!
November 25th, 2007 at 11:33 pm
I think we’ve had one of those springy hope things installed here for so long that it is starting to rust…… (because the glass is seen as half-full around here, always…..).
In whatever “state” I get my boy to bathe, the end result—a Clean Boy—-is good. Who says the “gut” doesn’t know—-some ancient Greeks thought it was the seat of the soul.
November 26th, 2007 at 1:05 am
Hmmmm, my son makes snail trails too….but he doesn’t lick. He likes to spit and wath it run down the mirror. We have never been able to determine why. He also can’t seem to stop doing it.
And the mere suggestion of a shower in our house leads to an amount of shrieking that would lead one to believe I had asked him to remove a kidney without the aid of anesthetic.
Is it wrong that I found it sweet that he thought his sister tasted nice?
November 26th, 2007 at 1:12 am
A bath is definately less portable that a bandaid. I hope he feels better soon.
November 26th, 2007 at 3:16 am
I hope that sickness doesnt make the rounds!
Hope he feels better soon!
November 26th, 2007 at 3:57 am
We’ve just got through the licking – thankfully!
Couldn’t take much more of the licking of faces!!!
November 26th, 2007 at 4:30 am
Maybe he licked my blog? We had vomiting last week…
FIVE vomits in one night is very bad. You have my sympathy.
November 26th, 2007 at 5:34 am
“Some unsophisticated parents inadvertently form causal behavioural links within their children”
Hmmm…perhaps this is why my toddler girls scream like maniacs and run around like chickens with their heads cut off whenever I turn on the vacuum cleaner. And their not even the neuro atypical ones.
Our cure all around here is a wet paper towel. I don’t think I could handle all the baths that would be required at my house to cure what ails the kids! Good luck!
November 26th, 2007 at 6:41 am
I, too, thought it was cute that he licked his sister. I bet she didn’t think so though.
A previous commenter mentioned spitting on the mirror and watching it. Patrick does that everytime he’s in the bathroom. I suppose now when I’m washing the mirror I’ll be thankful he’s not licking stuff. Oops, correction. He does lick the inside of his window in the truck and then he wipes it around.
November 26th, 2007 at 7:40 am
I must adopt “Barnacles!” as my new curse word. My son is extremely oral, too. He licks doorknobs, mailboxes and lamposts, etc. I have packs of wipes and Anti-Staph spray at all times; might as well make a holster and wear them on my hips. When will it ever end?!
There IS an art to conditioning! Our bathtime is now relax time in the Epsom salts.
November 26th, 2007 at 7:53 am
my son avoids baths like nobodies business, but my little girl loves ‘em. water is really soothing to kids, it’s the getting in that’s tricky for some. conditioning is really tough to break and begin.
November 26th, 2007 at 8:09 am
Ah yes, the joys of echolalic profanity- thank you Spongebob.
We too, are going through a new bout of licking. The phase has been revisited a few times- I am wondering this time if I can get a new food into him by rubbing it on my arm? Hey- I might be onto something here…
November 26th, 2007 at 8:22 am
This was just lovely to read. I’m sorry he wasn’t feeling well but I could just imagine being there with you. Excellent writing.
My kids use the Spongebob curse words, too
November 26th, 2007 at 8:31 am
You have lovely narrating skills. I actually had an image of the exchange between the two of you. What a precious thing to share!
And its true – baths do cure all.
November 26th, 2007 at 8:45 am
I feel tired remembering bath time struggles. I hope he is feelign better soon. You write beautifully.
November 26th, 2007 at 8:47 am
My youngest loves baths. I never thought of the licking of mirrors and windows as “snallses”. I usually see lip prints on my bathroom mirror that’s about the height of my youngest. Ah, the bandaid is the cure-all of owies in this house, then the baths.
November 26th, 2007 at 9:31 am
Thinking too much is a curse. But it rsults in such delightful posts.
November 26th, 2007 at 10:06 am
Oh, don’t stop thinking. Your neurosis help the rest of us realize that we’re normal!
November 26th, 2007 at 12:04 pm
I went through years of the vomiting situation with Leah. Unfortunately, it had nothing to do with licking and still flares up on occasion.
November 26th, 2007 at 12:24 pm
Does he remember everything he licked? Really, that’s quite clever in itself. He is obviously licking for a purpose. Amy puts everything in her mouth, even if it’s been on the floor.
Crystal xx
November 26th, 2007 at 12:25 pm
Oh boy, I hope this post refers back a week or so ago whenyou said you had several ill ones at home! Did you ever decipher a cause?
Nik doesn’t lick, he bites. All the wooden drawer pulls that he can reach have teeth marks all over them! Sigh… He even bites his shoes to help anchor them to pull them off his feet. YUCK!
November 26th, 2007 at 1:15 pm
lol I was shocked just a wee bit to think that Mr Clean doesn’t like the bafftub. /grin
November 26th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
There is never a dull moment over there. I’m gagging just thinking about it…just not good with bodily fluids. It has something to do with the kids’ stomach flu of ’01…I still can’t eat salsa.
November 26th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Our kids will have the best immune systems after what all they put into their mouths! It always surprises me that the OCD need to be clean doesn’t stop the sensory need to taste….
November 26th, 2007 at 2:34 pm
sorry, but I really had to laugh out loud at the sister licking!!!!
November 26th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Baths are great when there is nothing else to do but something must be done.
November 26th, 2007 at 5:02 pm
We too have to go through the ‘what did you lick’ questions. Sigh… I guess it is wonderful that they have excellent memories.
When I get my permanent email I want to talk to you about your 17 food diet.
November 26th, 2007 at 6:12 pm
“…a delayed development is infinitely better than no development at all.” I’m going to remember this and quote it often during parent/teacher conferences.
November 26th, 2007 at 8:52 pm
Oh, don’t get me started on oral issues… we have been fighting them my son’s whole life. I swear I say “hands out of your mouth” at least 5000 times a day. As far as Pavlov, my son goes into a tisy everytime I break out the pots, and pans. He can not understand why he can see and smell the food, but can not eat it.
November 26th, 2007 at 9:40 pm
I’m so sorry he’s been ill- both for him and for you. We have the same oral issues here at the pond. We’ve been very fortuante that Frog’s immune system is made of steel. When he does get ill, I can only imagin what he’s gotten into. I guess, home schooling, I’ll be privy to all that is tasted. He’s recently added spitting to his routine. I don’t know which I say more during the day – no mouth or no spitting. Baths are another story – he would live in the tub if we let him.
Good health to you and the rest of the family!
November 26th, 2007 at 9:51 pm
My boys would say that licking a sister is definitely illness inducing!
Fortunately for me they love the bath.
November 26th, 2007 at 10:40 pm
My son couldn’t be bothered with his sister long enough to lick her!
Since he’s grown I don’t remember all the ‘quirks’ he had, but most are gone or well hidden now. His not being autistic but somewhere on the spectrum – I can relate to some of this, it’s incredibly magnified for you. You seem to deal with it wonderfully and find the humor in it all. I keep saying it but my God I wish I had blogging when Andy was little!
November 26th, 2007 at 10:47 pm
As ever, I am completely pulled into the moment with you, which means I’m thanking your husband, too, for his bathroom fixture choices, if they included the bidet. Needs a softer seat, though.
I’m glad the bath monster has been defanged.
November 26th, 2007 at 10:52 pm
I hope your little guy feels better soon. I dread the day J gets sick. It’ll last most of the school year. I remember the struggles of getting him to bathe when he was younger. Now it’s a struggle to get him to take a shower every day.
November 27th, 2007 at 6:49 am
We are starting with the licking around here though he never really has had an avoidance with anything in his mouth. Most times it seems the licking is cleaning a spot off to bite.
November 27th, 2007 at 8:30 am
Rosie detests taking a bath. Until she was 5, it was sort of like trying to stuff a cat into a sack. Now, she showers. Hates it, but she does it.
She is a gnawer, not a licker.
I love that he finds his sister salty. Chuckle.
December 12th, 2007 at 3:57 pm
i have bitten my nails since i had teeth and i am sure this has been the cause of my cast iron stomach. my boy used to have to eat the whole of whatever he started and on one occasion had eaten the whole of a can of black olives (aged about 3) when he threw up in the bath. he never touched them again although it became clear afterwards it was a tummy bug…
October 12th, 2008 at 12:00 am
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