Pick your poison with care
There are many disadvantages to being partnered with a man of Italian descent.
Two of the more obvious disadvantages are pasta and pizza.
Without the wish to become too highbrow, in genetic parlance, this is a bit of a double whammie, as these loathsome menu choices also find favour with 3 of my four children: a dominant gene no doubt.
In my limited experience , if a restaurant commonly provides pasta and pizza, they rarely serve fries. Currently, the only food on any menu, that my youngest son eats, would be fries. Hence my current research project to find the restaurant that served all three items. My studies are hampered due to the three persistent phrases that my son perseverates upon: ‘responsible, responsibull, responsiball,’ ‘shake your booty’ and ‘Egg nog, epilogue.’ I hope that at least one of them is merely seasonal. These phrases whirl around me in a continuous stream as I hunt the internet for the perfect restaurant.
As we are in the heart of Silicon Valley, this should not be too much of a trial. I should point out that there are a wide choice of cuisines available to suit nearly every palate. There are any number of curious combinations such as steak and shrimp, served on the very same plate. I kid you not. This is the land where an entre is the main course, rather than an appetizer, but maybe that’s just to punish the French? It is also the land where individual salads are served in dishes the size of a washing up bowl. If you would like a pound of cheese on your pizza, no-one will give you grief. If applesauce can be a starter, there is no cheese board available to finish up a meal. Anything is possible out here, but I defy you to find a pizza with an anchovy on it in the whole of this land. How can a whole nation hate anchovies and yet have also invented Caesar salad? Thus it was, that before too long, I found the perfect place.
Once we were installed in the perfect place and placed our orders, I took my youngest, fries eating son, to the stalls. He is still at the tender age where it is not safe for him to visit the bathroom alone. His privacy or other people's, is of no concern to him. Whilst I have never had cause to climb the walls in a stall, I expect that it would be possible. Mind you, if I were only 6 years old, that might be a bit more of a feat as there is the height to wall ratio. To make the feat of climbing the walls of a stall even more challenging, it might be an idea to attempt to reach the top of the stall wall in under a second. Do you think that might be possible?
Well I am here to tell you that I witnessed just such a feat, with my very own little eyes. If I had blinked I would have missed it of course, but I didn't miss it because the scream that he uttered was enough to puncture an ear drum. But I suppose that's only to be expected if you're not expecting a random event, such as a toilet that flushes automatically.
If by any chance, you happen to be the woman in the next stall from us, let me take this opportunity to apologise to you, without reserve. I assure you with my hand on my heart that there was nothing personal in his remark. I can barely imagine how I would feel myself, were I in your unfortunate position. You had already left by the time I had managed to persuade him to come down from his perch. I too would have been surprised to find a small boy’s head hanging over the top of the wall. He really isn’t a peeping Tom. He had no interest in your business, really. Would it help if I explained that he has no volume control, he always bellows? Would it have been any better if he has whispered “shake your booty!”
Probably not.
November 18th, 2007 at 12:46 am
OMG / lol – how I can relate. I frequently take my daughter and some of her friends to the big city and do you think we can find a restroom without automatic flushing toilets? They are the undoing of NT kids as well as our more sensitive children. I have found a solution –
POST IT NOTES
I never leave home without a pad of post-it-notes in my purse. I dole them out to the girls as we approach the restroom with instructions to put them over the red light and take them off when they want to flush.
Frog also has no volume control, but he does have a very interesting array of ear-drum piercing sounds. I fear for the pickle jars when we are at the supermarket.
Thanks for the new link; I’ve updated it on my blog.
November 18th, 2007 at 1:27 am
Automatic flushing toilets? Is pushing a button that hard nowadays?
He scaled it in under a second? That is quick. Do you think he may have an interest in rock climbing when he is bigger?
November 18th, 2007 at 4:33 am
oh i so remember all this! my son had a terror of urinals for the same reason. in line with the psychologist’s advice we made a sticker chart. each time he managed to go into a men’s loo, even if just inside the door, he got a sticker. as we have to have a picture of whatever it is we are working on, on the sticker i had to get hold of a picture of a urinal. his father (known as aspie dad in these parts) refused to have any part in taking photos in a mens loo. so i had to brave the mens to take a picture of a urinal which i then had to make into stickers. well you can imagine…
the upside is he can now pee into them and has indeed perfected peeing into the infrared beam to make them flush…
November 18th, 2007 at 5:57 am
Oh God. I probably shouldn’t be laughing so much about that…
November 18th, 2007 at 6:15 am
I wonder how they pick phrases. Joey usually picks things that either he is feeling uncomfortable about, or that he feels very comfortable about… or complete nonsense (which I suspect feels good in his mouth). This week we have “Eat your breakfast and leave!” (from the school cafeteria routine), WAAAAAit a minute! (Form Cars) and a nonsense string. Usually I can identify what words originally made the string, but I haven’t deciphered this one yet. Lots of motor-mouth this week. But then, its so much better than the silence…
November 18th, 2007 at 6:18 am
I am so glad you post these things! I know some of what to expect (the unexpected) and now I know what to carry with me when Connor has trouble with the automatic toilets.
I shouldn’t be laughing either, but that is so funny. I don’t know how I would react to a little guy looking at me over the wall yelling “Shake your booty!”
November 18th, 2007 at 6:25 am
I had a toddler boy about 3 crawl under the partition into my stall once. I just laughed and laughed and laughed. I couldn’t stop laughing long enough to turn him around and push him back under to his HORRIFIED mom– she had to reach under and drag him back by the ankle.
November 18th, 2007 at 6:58 am
haha, the toilet flushers besides being automatic also sound as though they are somehow connected to the hover dam with their sheer power
November 18th, 2007 at 8:58 am
LOL! Climbing to the top of the partition wall in fear is totally excusable! I remember my kids freaking out at the automatic flushing toilets – because they sometimes flush before you’re done. Now the Littlest American seems to think that ALL toilets flush automatically and we have to remind him that he does need to remember to flush. We know when we find nasty surprises in the toilet that he was the last one in there!
When I did lunch duty at school last year, one of my jobs was to supervise the girls as they washed their hands before lunch. There was one who had to be watched carefully because she was always very curious as to what the other kids were doing in the stalls. She would crawl under the partition, and there would be great screams from the other girls: “Mrs A – she’s doing it again!” I’m not sure that she ever really understood why it was not OK, but she did eventually seem to learn that she shouldn’t do it.
If you are ever visiting the East coast, we seem to have quite a few Greek-run (!) pizza places that do also serve fries.
November 18th, 2007 at 10:16 am
Maddy,
You did it again….I laughed out loud. Any kid within earshot always asks, “What’s so funny?” How can I explain your column to them?
By the way, when my son was three, he was evaluated by the Special Education Early Development program. When he was done, the social worker asked me, “Who is Pepper Johnson?” Pepper Johnson was a linebacker for the Detroit Lions. Daniel was and is football obsessed. Whenever she would ask him a question, he would answer with Pepper Johnson. I guess it’s better than ‘Shake your booty.’
Anne
November 18th, 2007 at 10:40 am
That is pretty funny! Public restrooms are always an adventure. Maizie now insists on going in alone and gets locked int he stall, unable to get the lock undone. Argh! This alwys seems to happen when she needs lots of help in a messy way!
November 18th, 2007 at 12:03 pm
I now go in, make sure the flush is “o.k” and then am allowed to leave.
And Mexico is responsible for the Caesar salad; we’ve just taken to it with a vengeance.
November 18th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
If you read my post today you will see the similarities in our children’s thinking! I am quite sure they do not embarrass us for the sake of it!
Crystal xx
November 18th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
OMG, choling with laughter over here! Shake your booty, indeed!
November 18th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Oops, meant “choking”…NO idea what “choling” would mean! LOL
November 18th, 2007 at 4:59 pm
Hilarious! Hubby was reading over my shoulder and he thought it quite a laugh as well. Patrick has been known to stick his head under a stall door to see if anyone’s there or ask if they’re “almost done”.
November 18th, 2007 at 5:02 pm
Oh, I love it! Those automatic flush toilets are the bane of my existence. It takes an intense negotiation process with many reassurances of safety before we can enter a public restroom for fear of those terrible devices!
November 18th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
Oh Maddy, you brighten my day and make me feel normal!!!
November 18th, 2007 at 6:04 pm
Ah, Maddy. I do not mean to punish you for stopping by my blog and commenting, because, truly, I do appreciate it. But there was your name in a big spotlight as I cast about for a victim for a “random tag meme” — and, well, tag, you are it. Hope it’s not too painful!
November 18th, 2007 at 7:05 pm
“Shake your booty.”
You know, it could have been *a lot* worse.
November 18th, 2007 at 7:56 pm
First of all, I love anchovies!!!!
Secondly, my son hates the sound of a public toilet flushing. If he has to go in one when we go out, he says over and over again, ‘no flushing mommy’ ‘we don’t have to flush’. I feel bad not flushing, and with the dreaded automatic ones, it’s really not possible, although the post it notes are a great idea.
November 18th, 2007 at 8:09 pm
I would have laughed my head off if I found a 6 year old peeping over my stall. How on earth did he manage to get up there? I am impressed. See all that therapy really does pay off:)
November 18th, 2007 at 8:43 pm
Ah, yes. The toilet flushing.
Wait. You’re in California?
November 18th, 2007 at 10:38 pm
hehehehe I would totally start giggling if I were to have found a “peeper” hahaha
November 18th, 2007 at 11:06 pm
I think a visit to NJ is in order—Pizzaland here. Sometimes, even with fries.
November 19th, 2007 at 9:24 am
*hehe* – this made me laugh out loud. Thanks for coming over to my blog, I enjoyed coming to yours
November 19th, 2007 at 2:05 pm
OMG- I am laughing my “booty” off. The visual just hits so close to home!
November 19th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
Lord have mercy…..that is hilarious…
November 19th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Thanks for the comment (which I shall reply to on my blog), and I wish you well with this blog and your work with Autism, Maddy.
I like the Spider-Man picture.
Russ:)
November 19th, 2007 at 6:41 pm
ROTFLOL — I have a little one in my pre-K class afraid of the toilet and I had no idea, when I reached over to flush, that it would precipitate him climbing my body and standing on my head while shrieking like a banshee. My hair has pretty much grown back in.
November 20th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Pisser
(Geddit? Hehe).
“Shake your booty” or “shake your botty?”
November 20th, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Great story (although probably not so fun for you).
As far as your menu search, when I was in Italy earlier this year, they would serve french fries ON your pizza if asked (a favorite of the nieces I was visiting). It solved a similar conundrum of theirs.
Thanks for visiting my blog, btw.
August 8th, 2010 at 10:01 am
LOL – That is an one sided viewpoint. I am not sure I disagree.