The yolk's on me
The are a few basic principles to adhere to when it comes to speech delays. First and foremost, language should be simple. Few words to aid comprehension and communication. Initially, this may be just learning one word. Ideally the first word for an autistic child to learn would be 'yes.' As often as not, the first word they learn, just like other children, is 'no,' or maybe that's just mine.
As the years pass, more advanced skills should be acquired by the parent. One of these, a hesitant one for some, is to try and correct errors. It's a hesitant step because when words begin to flow a parent may not want to risk drying up the creek.
One technique that I thoroughly endorse but rarely put into practice, is to repeat whatever the child says back to them, in the corrected format. Hence, when a child says 'give duck me,' the parent repeats 'give the duck to me,' perhaps with a please thrown in for good measure. Only a couple more words. Perhaps a different timbre and emphasis. I could also add some volume control, if I really wanted to ice the cake.
Strangely, I find that rather than adopting this technique, their speech corrupts my own brainwaves, so instead of correcting them, I copy their mode of speech, by accident. Oddly, I find that other people, intelligent people, fall into the same trap, but I have no idea why?
Actually, that's not quite true in this particular instance. In this situation my brain is confused because my son is voluntarily having a conversation with someone. He has not been prompted and forced to use his social skills. He has initiated a conversation himself. He is interested in talking to her. He asks pertinent questions with the correct preposition. He doesn't assault her with a monologue about Pokemon. He remains relatively static.
They are all the kind of questions that anyone might ask when they meet someone new, anyone except my boys, until recently. Many young children ask inappropriate questions, often related to their own interests or perspectives, but if those viewpoints are more obscure, the questions can be disconcerting: 'do you like Oddish or Turtwig?' 'do you have a chair made of Platinum?' 'Is Pirelli your favourite?' Such questions come out of the blue without preamble or context. They are a great advance.
Prior to the question stage, you have the 'random statement' phase. The child wants to connect but doesn't know how? When language is difficult, the result can be startling: 'I am a Triceratops,' 'Charmeleon is a fire type,' ' Goldfish are the bestest.' At first, as a parent, your heart stops beating when they make their first attempts at contact. The realization that they're trying to communicate is frozen by the oddity of their delivery.
Fortunately, it is my experience, that the majority of people are open hearted and patient. There is some hidden clue in the human psyche that allows people to take a breath, tune in and give a moment of their attention to the messenger, if not the actual message.
My chum chats to my child.
“Who you are be?”
“I be…..um, I am Mary.”
“What you are be?”
“I be….er I mean….I am a lawyer.”
“What it is being, dah lawyer?”
“A lawyer is being…..a lawyer is someone who…..helps people with the law.”
“What it is be, dah 'law'?”
“The 'law' be…….is a set of rules. Everyone has to follow the same rules or it wouldn't' be fair.”
“We be good rules in dis house.”
“Oh good.”
“Are you be good or are you be bad?”
“I be…..we try to be good in our house too.”
“Is it be jail?”
“Is what be….is what jail?”
“Your house?”
“No, I don't live in a jail. We have an ordinary house just like you.”
“Our house dun bin ordinary.” I have an uneasy feeling.
“No?” Perhaps I should terminate this conversation or change the subject?
“Our house dun bin extraordinary.” Oh dear! What on earth is he going to come up with now?
“Really. In what way?” Her lawyerly cross examination techniques begin to scare me.
“Our house……….it is dah secret?” Secret! I should try and shut him up? Perhaps he'll just revert to some pleasant irrelevant Pokemon facts?
“I don't know, is it a secret?” she entices. Please don't let it be a secret? Where's the pause button? Can't we talk about dinosaurs or Thomas and his rabble? I am homesick for the old days.
“Er……no, I don fink it is dah secret……our house dun bin extraordinary because dis is dah Cape Cod house and……..we are not live in Cape Cod……..we are be live in San Jose! Get it?” He roars with laughter and collapses on the floor to roll around in a galaxy of guffaws. This is probably the very nearest he has ever been, to a joke.
November 4th, 2007 at 11:03 pm
More or less unrelated, but a twin of the Fisher Price houses pictured above are, at this very moment, covered in Disneyland Scotch tape in my brother’s bedroom.
(Also, a tip. Buy stock in Scotch tape. It’s his Thing…he buys at least two rolls a week. He’ll make you a million dollars, I swear.)
November 5th, 2007 at 12:57 am
I pick up people’s accents very easily, so no doubt I would be talking his language as well… : )
November 5th, 2007 at 2:16 am
I am like jac, I pick up accents easily and have to make a conscious effort not to sound like I am mocking someone. I would probably end up speaking like him for a day afterwards.
November 5th, 2007 at 3:25 am
It’s one of those times when you feel like you’re teetering on the edge of a cliff face – that moment of being delighted at the level of conversation and communication that is taking place but at the same time feeling pure fear at what might come out.
(It would be interesting to calculate the amount of time that a parents breath actually stops for during moments such as these – sometimes it feels like forever!)
November 5th, 2007 at 4:57 am
Classic… Our children always surprise us.
Excellent. cheers kim
November 5th, 2007 at 4:58 am
Oh my God, he’s a riot. I laugh at my own jokes too!!!!
He’s always thinking…his way.
There’s a lot of creativity going on there.
Love
Suzy
November 5th, 2007 at 5:45 am
Awwww… I had one of those Cape Cod FP houses when I was little. Right now, it is at Grandma’s, filled with “baby” dinosaurs. We’re working on teh concept of other places with Joey. Actually, I think what we are working on is getting Joey to use language to express the idea that other places exist other than right here, right now. the idea that there is another place, which is not here, called “Cape Cod”, for example. Joey has been other places, and can kind of talk abotu the farm, the beach, the pumpkin patch… I think this concept is supposed to be connected with maps and stuff in the required kindergarden curriculum. So that’s my long-winded, me-me-me way of saying: wow! Your little guy is coming right along! I’m impressed!!!
November 5th, 2007 at 5:52 am
Are you a fly on my wall. You must be, except Patrick’s first joke was one from Raffi, about a bannanphone being a phone with appeal/a peel. He also collapses on the floor laughing at himself.
November 5th, 2007 at 7:24 am
That’s fantastic! (Jaysen tries to make jokes, but it hasn’t worked out so far) It’s good you gave him a chance to talk it out- I probably would’ve stuffed his mouth full of Goldfish at the first mention of secret!
November 5th, 2007 at 7:53 am
That’s great!! What a giggle! Bubba tries so hard to connect with people. His newest thing is to say something or do something with his face centimeters from the other person’s as always and say, “Is that funny?” “Um, no, you just spit in my face.” they usually say, and then he hears it more as a command and does just what they said, with vigor… “spit in [their] face.” Ugh. I have to be short for Bubba to get the point “Sit now.” “TV off.” I sound so mean, but if I use the articles and filler words he just hears “blahhh blahh blahhh.” So now Moosie is becoming verbal: “ehweeohl [cereal] now” – “nowah muhlk [milk]” – “yeths boom [spoon]” and I think hmmmmmm. Apraxia or mom is a very poor language model?
November 5th, 2007 at 8:10 am
That’s a wonderful joke. But the secret part . . . very scary.
November 5th, 2007 at 8:23 am
HAHA! Thats great!
I find that I pick up Connor’s language and repeat it even when he is “over it.” For exaple he use to say “Su-per-per man.” He says it normaly now and I still say “Su-per-per man.” only to be scolded by my daughter.
November 5th, 2007 at 2:06 pm
I know what you mean about picking up their language. I do this with my daughter and when we lived in Jersey I had some Russian friends and would talk with their accents without knowing it. It is interesting how language development varies from child to child. I waited a long time before correcting Maizie’s speech too. I did not want to discourage her. She used to be very sensitive to how she talked.
November 5th, 2007 at 2:48 pm
Matt’s 11 and his favorite word is still no. It’ll never go away
November 5th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
Kid humor. Sometimes the fact that they think it’s funny is way funnier than the joke itself. You gotta love it.
November 5th, 2007 at 6:41 pm
Your kids don’t miss a thing! I think he has mastered the art of humor. Smart boy.
November 5th, 2007 at 7:42 pm
Great joke!! Our kids “Get it.” No doubt. Just have to coax their potential out of them. And there are lots of ways to do that. My Gianna’s syntax has suddenly blossomed. She’s using pronouns! No longer the “Bob Dole says” of her classroom I’m proud to say. Well, at least some of the time. I love progress. Keeps a mom going. I will think of your guy every time we cross the Bourne bridge onto the Cape. Cape Cod.
November 5th, 2007 at 9:04 pm
Wow! What an awesome conversation. Very clever guy you have there! I find myself talking like my son, or at least thinking to myself the way he speaks. My sister’s son couldn’t quite get the sentence structure right when he didn’t want to do something. Instead of saying, ‘i don’t want to go to school today’ he would say ‘it’s never orange mittens’, meaning, he did’t want to put on his coat and mittens and go to school. If he doesn’t want to eat a sandwich, he will say ‘it’s never sandwich’. I always thought that was really great problem solving, and we have all adopted that term in our own language, in my family.
November 6th, 2007 at 8:03 am
ha ha! that is the best conversation! way to go, bud!
November 7th, 2007 at 11:25 am
That was priceless! Very wry humor he’s got there. I see the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, eh?