Do not pass go
We chat in the car on the way home from school.
The boys chant their respective repetitive phrases, one sotto voce, one at 50 decibels, but we're used to that kind of competitive perseveration.
“So tell me the best bit about today then, so far of course?”
“We had a visitor come and read us this book thing.”
“Innernet! Innernet! Innernet!”
“Batteries not included. Batteries not included. Batteries not included.”
“Oh really. Which book?”
“I dunno.”
“Innernet! Innernet! Innernet!”
“Batteries not included. Batteries not included. Batteries not included.”
“But you liked it?”
“Not really.”
“Then why was that the best bit of the day if you didn't like the story?”
“Innernet! Innernet! Innernet!”
“Batteries not included. Batteries not included. Batteries not included.”
“Coz it made math short.” Typical
“Do you have much in the way of homework tonight?”
“Yeah. Tonnes and I don't know how I'm gonna get it all done with these two.”
“Oh they'll quieten down a bit once we're home.”
“Innernet! Innernet! Innernet!”
“Batteries not included. Batteries not included. Batteries not included.”
“They're better!” she warns with a hint of menace. I watch her in the rear view mirror as she glares at each of them in turn, a loaded and meaningful stare, the eye ball to eye ball kind that only big sisters can do effectively.
“You're both gonna have to shut up right. D'you remember? Got it!” I notice that they both cover their mouths with their hands at the same time, as if some secret message has passed between them that I am not party to.
“Got it!” she repeats, just to be on the safe side. Muffled mutterings of 'no, no, no,' spittle out between their fingers.
“What's that dear?” I prompt, hoping that someone might just give me a little clue as to what is really going on.
“It's a new rule.”
“A new rule? What new rule?” Who is making up rules without my permission? I am the only rule maker and campaign manager around here.
“If you're too loud you go to jail.”
“Jail? That seems a bit draconian?” I'm amazed that the trigger word 'jail' hasn't set them both off into meltdown land.
“Well it works,” she pouts. I check in the mirror again. I'm not sure if fear is a good method of behaviour modification? Their eyes are like saucers.
“Even so, we need to ere on the side of truth.”
“It is true.”
“Who says it is true?”
“The new baby sitter.” Hmm. I did think that it was much quieter than usual when I returned from the dentist yesterday. My mouth was in no condition to have the usual de-brief session with an adult, as to the goings on during my hour and a half's absence. The peace does not appear to be quite so mysterious afterall.
I picture him in my minds eye, the new baby sitter, roped in at short notice. A jovial young man, quick to laugh with an effusive smile. I wonder if he realized that his sense of humour might be different from theirs? A literal mind can be a tantalizingly tortuous thing.
December 2nd, 2007 at 11:43 pm
Literal mind – my son’s horror the first time he heard me say – I need to go keep an eye on the pizza.
And perseverative phrases? – twenty five thousand dollar pyramid, twenty five thousand dollar pyramid – you can tell how long ago that was. Isn’t the pyramid worth much more these days?
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:00 am
Well, but she is a quick study!
Charlie: “Gong Gong Po Po Gong Gong Po Po Gong Gong Po Po Gong Gong Po Po” — what can I say, he likes my parents?
I think we could all learn that big sister look.
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:58 am
If it works….
December 3rd, 2007 at 5:04 am
Oh, the literal mind – the trouble it causes me when I’m not on my toes! (yes, even that statement could be a problem!)
xx
December 3rd, 2007 at 6:51 am
Oh me.. 1st I want to LOL at big sister and the eye ball to eye ball look… OH I have seen my Princess do that numbers of times.. But I also feel your pain with the literal mind. My 2nd child Mr Man use to take EVERYTHING so literal. He ended up with the nick name Mr Literal. As he has gotten older he doesn’t do it so much any more but when he was younger he use to get so scared or would cry and cry over stuff that was said, even stuff that wasn’t said to him.
I hope your babysitter didn’t scare the boys too bad.
December 3rd, 2007 at 7:32 am
That’s funny! And it brings me back to the days when my son (16) was about five or six and my sister telling him there were Fish Police to keep him from putting his hands into the fish tank at the dental office she worked in. It did work….xo
PS–it’s been a longgg time since my shorthand days, I’m going to make a fool out of myself and gues..’you can feel’?
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:38 am
Kids: Driving parents to drink since Cain & Abel.
This was seriously funny and I couldn’t imagine the surprise of some unsuspecting soul who has yet to be exposed to a literal mind. Ha!
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:48 am
oh the joys of literal minds paired with figurative speakers….could be most interesting. seems as if big sis really knows how to capitalize on all this too. lol
thanks also for the nice matters award. very kind of you
December 3rd, 2007 at 9:00 am
The struggle not to take everything literally here by Maizie is huge.
Friends and family who have a hard time “getting” that can sometimes drive me a bit nuts.
December 3rd, 2007 at 9:09 am
Back from me big birthday weekend. Your daughter is just fabulous. Giving them the eyeball. Literal minds indeed. Not sure I even want to go there.
December 3rd, 2007 at 9:10 am
From the posting, it seems as if there was no meltdown? Then maybe they better understood this particular association?
Looks like daughter #2 is taking this and running with it…..
December 3rd, 2007 at 9:19 am
Oh, she’s good. Picked right up on that didn’t she? And no meltdown ensued? She’s got a knack that one, obviously.
December 3rd, 2007 at 9:41 am
OMG on the competitive perseverance – I only have ONE that does that. You. Are. A. Saint.
December 3rd, 2007 at 10:15 am
repetitive phrase
“that brown sheep is very black”
(shrug- no idea where he got it)
and…hmmm.
slightly off subject
some tricky phrases/figures of speech for literal minds, just visualize:
“i’ve got my eye on you!” (ewwwww)
“the proof is in the pudding” (huh???)
……….
“people in glass houses shouldnt throw stones”-
always seemed like a no brainer for me-imagine all that broken glass, very unsafe. my husband explained what it meant to me…
December 3rd, 2007 at 10:36 am
Hahahaha! The Elder still says “Choose the correct symbol” or “Click on the Help Button” and today ever since a poop disaster in the Belk parking lot with The Younger, he’s been saying “Poo Poo on my Seatbelt” over and over.
December 3rd, 2007 at 10:36 am
I was a big sister… I guess that I shouldn’t take her side in this… but… um… yeah. I can understand
December 3rd, 2007 at 10:56 am
Haha! Jaysen tells me to “go to jail” when he’s mad at me.
Love that they both covered their mouths at the same time!
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:00 am
My lesson from this? We need a big sister in these here parts. Ugh. Moosie’s weirdest repeat was “No ma ma Pat die.” I think I’d rather hear about batteries!
(http://miscthing.blogspot.com/2007/10/superstitious.html)
The best literal thing ever was when Bubba kept jumping on cracks on the sidewalk and then quickly looking at me. It took me a few times to ralize what he was doing… “Step on a crack, break your momma’s back….”
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:39 pm
*giggles at “Innernet! Innernet! Innernet!†and “Batteries not included. Batteries not included. Batteries not included.â€
It’s the perfect time of year for both lines after all.
December 3rd, 2007 at 12:49 pm
That’s one my kids haven’t used on one another yet. Must keep it to myself.
December 3rd, 2007 at 1:02 pm
I so relate to this….I’ve got a big-time echolaier!
December 3rd, 2007 at 1:22 pm
Oh, I love it. My boys have their phrases. Drew’s is more like a sound, but Blake says, “Don’t uh hit, Don’t uh hit!” I guess because he has heard me say “Do not hit!” over and over to him, and he has tweaked it to suit his liking.
December 3rd, 2007 at 2:14 pm
Geez, the poor baby sitter can’t get away with anything! lol
December 3rd, 2007 at 3:14 pm
Your car conversation made me laugh! The repetition has KayTar written all over it. Today in the ped’s office waiting area she kept saying “Stupid beagle! Stupid beagle!” over and over. Sigh. I assume she got it from Charlie Brown, but my memory is not nearly as sharp as hers and that is only a guess.
December 3rd, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Maddy, so does it strike you as acute ASD torture if I tell my food struggling child that if he doesn’t behave the police might take him away from me where he’ll be forced to eat things like soup and hamburgers?
No!!! No soup and “hamurgers”!!!
December 3rd, 2007 at 5:00 pm
The photo: So. Darling.
December 3rd, 2007 at 6:41 pm
I can’t stop smiling. This reminds me so much of how Y & J interact.
December 3rd, 2007 at 7:10 pm
My mom once told me “if you have to go to the bathroom that badly, go in your pants.” She only told me once. Ah, the joy of parenting a literal thinker. Poor you, two.
December 3rd, 2007 at 7:27 pm
Literal mind can be tortuous indeed…
The enjoyment of the lesser evil{ boring story} is funny! I guess all the kids see it that way!
December 3rd, 2007 at 8:55 pm
I do NOT know how you do it. You are one impressive mom!
Just dropping by to tell you I got your contest entry and to say hi!
December 3rd, 2007 at 9:00 pm
I love the way you write.
Love it love it love it.
Just found your blog a couple weeks ago, and I read every day.
December 3rd, 2007 at 10:23 pm
How can you remember the entire conversation! I just love that you’ve written it down. That picture is so cute and captures that moment so well. I understand that literal mind from the way my brother understood things! Thanks for sharing
December 4th, 2007 at 4:56 am
Your ENTIRE family is amazing.
Love you daughter.
She knows how to work it…..
Love you
Suzy
December 4th, 2007 at 6:45 am
Gotta love the literal mind.
)
December 4th, 2007 at 11:33 am
Well, those literal minds not only create fun for us, they create fear for themselves. The fact that my Mac takes every word literally is the most difficult thing to convey to others.
December 4th, 2007 at 11:33 am
Well, those literal minds not only create fun for us, they create fear for themselves. The fact that my Mac takes every word literally is the most difficult thing to convey to others.
BTW, I’d like to hire your daughter as my sitter.
December 5th, 2007 at 8:20 pm
I love this! Too funny. Poor little guys.
I work with students with autism, and once in a while wish I could command such silence.