ESL – English as a Foriegn Language
Speech delays are curious things but speech pathologists are there to help. Progress can be speedy when an enthusiastic parent gets on board with the programme. Other parents, lesser mortals, can sometimes be the harbingers of doom.
………..
He sits on the throne. I lean on the door jam, awaiting the director of services to direct. I pull at the handful of wadded toilet paper, waiting. This of course is the perfect time, to have a chat, whilst he is immobile and without distractions.
“So…..isn't that so much more comfortable now that Daddy's replaced those tatty old loo seats?”
“Tatty? Tatty? Tatty? What it is be dah 'tatty'?”
“Oh, well sort of old, discoloured, a bit manky.”
“Manky? Manky? Manky? Man? Key?”
“Oh dear, um well just not it very good nick.”
“Nick? Nick? Nick? What it is be dah 'nick'?”
“Condition, not in very good condition sort of moth eaten.”
He springs up from the toilet as if burnt, “I am not want dah moths ta eat my butt,” he screeches as he disappears from view around the corner.
His future career as an entomologist dashed.
December 3rd, 2007 at 11:35 pm
I don’t suppose I’d want the moths to eat my butt either!!
December 4th, 2007 at 1:17 am
Ditto –
Love the wings!
December 4th, 2007 at 1:49 am
The joys of butt eating moths!!!… oh and finding the right description!
xx
Fabulous wings!
December 4th, 2007 at 2:25 am
Well the idea of moths eating your butt is rather frightful…fluttery but frightful.
December 4th, 2007 at 2:41 am
I can just imagine what he was thinking. Eeeek, bum eating moths!
I love the photo.
December 4th, 2007 at 4:53 am
Hate when those “ass moths” appear.
The amazing thing for me is how literal he is, as with my friend Jason, so I continually have to choose what I say.
As I’ve always said, it’s Jason who teaches me.
Love you
Suzy
December 4th, 2007 at 5:12 am
I’m always struck by how colloquial English is, on either side of the pond– but I’m not reminded of it until I’m speaking with someone who’s not a native speaker. That said, I think English-English takes the cake when it comes to expressions– American-English can’t hold a candle.
December 4th, 2007 at 5:32 am
*decides not to wear blue pants to work*
What? I’ve heard winged-thingies like blue!
December 4th, 2007 at 5:58 am
hee hee I guess I’d jump off the throne too if I thought moths were about to bite my butt.
December 4th, 2007 at 6:28 am
We have just got Connor to sit on the toilet twice within the last week. I imagine butt biting moths would throw a wrench in the works.
December 4th, 2007 at 6:29 am
Oh the poor boy! I can just picture it. I would have jumped and run as well!
December 4th, 2007 at 6:37 am
Hell, I wouldn’t want moths eating my butt either, truth be told.
December 4th, 2007 at 6:42 am
Just when I thought I had enough to worry about… Now I have to think about those butt eating moths! EEK
December 4th, 2007 at 7:04 am
You can keep the butt eating moths! I don’t think I’d get Amy on the toilet ever again.
Crystal xx
December 4th, 2007 at 7:49 am
do the moths have a fondness for cellulite? i mean maybe you could send them my way and they coudl whittle down the excess bits on my bum….
December 4th, 2007 at 8:02 am
butt eating moths? awesome.
December 4th, 2007 at 8:11 am
Oh my goodness…too funny. Those colloquialisms and his literal interpretation. Butt eating moths!!!
Julie
Using My Words
December 4th, 2007 at 8:24 am
I wouldn’t want the moths eating my butt either! Too funny!!
December 4th, 2007 at 8:31 am
Ha ha ha ha! Beware of the butt-eating moth variety. We really do live in parallel universes at times: I couldn’t help but remember this: http://miscthing.blogspot.com/2007/04/captain-itchy-pants.html
December 4th, 2007 at 8:38 am
Ah, taking everything literal brings such joy! I try and catch myself but usually say things to freak out my daughter every day. Butt eating moths though, that is too funny.
December 4th, 2007 at 8:52 am
My good friends is from England. She has some cute words and phrases as well. It’s especially cute when her 6 year old son says them!
December 4th, 2007 at 8:56 am
LOVE English English. Thanks for a few more good words for me to steal. Dodgey and Crickey are getting old.
December 4th, 2007 at 9:13 am
I certainly wouldn’t want moths eating my butt either! Unless of course they’d magically leave me a size 6, in which case I’d close my eyes and think of England, so to speak.
December 4th, 2007 at 9:24 am
ha! I don’t want moths eating my butt either!
December 4th, 2007 at 9:30 am
We have the same slang problem here:
“Mom, I have to go potty!”
” Well, Hold It until we stop”
::child grabs crotch to ‘hold it’::
“Stop grabbing yourself!”
::child bursts into tears in frustration::
better Mankey than Skanky.
December 4th, 2007 at 11:19 am
Ah… it’s amazing how our children can turn out to be decent human beings DESPITE their parents (at least, that’s what I’m hoping for!!!)
December 4th, 2007 at 11:28 am
LOL! Yes, our kids on the spectrum interpret things literally, which in turn creates such fun.
December 4th, 2007 at 11:50 am
So much for your conversation! (I’d have to agree…what the heck is manky?!?(
December 4th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
What a funny conversation.
My girls have a speech delay and sometimes I know they have no idea what I’m talking about but they usually just smile and nod because they really don’t give a crap.
December 4th, 2007 at 1:54 pm
I love the picture. He looks a bit out of control with those wings. Did he get them sized incorrectly? Your discussion had me confused, but many things confuse me so don’t fret.
December 4th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
Oh how funny! Can’t blame him a bit!
December 4th, 2007 at 6:23 pm
hahaha…they take things so literally don’t they? Love the post!
December 4th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
[...] the mother to two autistic sons. Its hilarious, if the quality of the two most recent posts (’English as a Foreign Language‘Â and ‘Do not pass go‘) is anything to go by, and written with such genuine [...]
December 4th, 2007 at 8:03 pm
So long as he’s not afraid to sit on the toilet, for fear of those moths. Remember that phase you went through when all the kids at school told you that snakes would come out the hole and bite your tush?
Same sort of thing.
December 4th, 2007 at 8:16 pm
How’s he going to learn English if you won’t(heeheehee…)!
December 4th, 2007 at 8:28 pm
I’m still stuck at manky.
December 4th, 2007 at 11:00 pm
So literal – so funny
December 4th, 2007 at 11:59 pm
I realize now that the look of cellulite is akin to having had moths nibble on one’s rear end.
December 5th, 2007 at 12:50 am
Literal understanding of things can make for funny and great conversations, and difficult ones too. I’ll never forget mentioning the dust bunnies under the china hutch and then J wanting to feed them. Butt-eating moths? That’s too funny.
December 5th, 2007 at 5:35 am
That was very funny. Manky is one of my favourite words.