I hear Thunder
A drastic change in diet can often bring with it, some dramatic changes in disposition. In my son’s case, his disposition hasn’t so much changed, as been restored, and not by diet but my medication. His anger has been dispelled, but the pills have cast a spell over his digestive system. There’s no beating about the bush here, we are constantly assaulted by grievous frequent flatulence.
Sometimes he tells us in advance, so that we can practice our ‘duck and cover’ skills. At other times the bombs come without a health warning. So much depends upon how in tune we are with our bodies and the surrounding environment. All too often we hear tales of how a sixth sense is at work in some individuals. These people, and often animals, are so highly attenuated that they are able to detect an oncoming heart attack or a diabetic crash. Sometimes they warn of hurricanes or floods. Uncanny, mysterious and slightly bewildering.
…………..
I hang the last few decorations on the tree before the guests arrive for the “sleepover.” I am uncertain which parts of me are malfunctioning? Either the tree is bigger or the decorations are smaller and perhaps more numerous? Either way it might be the beastly bifocals or the dodgy fingers because control of time seems to escape me. I am permanently stuck on fast forward.
The boys loll around on the floor, absorbed with the grain work of the wood and watching dust particles in the bright Californian light. This is their way of participating, their physical presence. We are duly honoured. I wonder if I’ll have time to vacuum before the fray?
“How come these decorations are so puny?â€
“They’re English.â€
“How come these decorations are so fiddly?â€
“Because they’re English.â€
“Owg Mom yur not gonna hang that old thing! It’s gross man!â€
“It’s gross man!†It’s gross man!†It’s gross man!†he echos from the general area of the floor boards. I smile to myself, because this is one of my favourite decorations, one made by her big sister’s oh so fare young hands, a couple of decades ago. I am smug because this is almost a repetition of the same debate. Oh the joy of being mature and wise.
“It is not gross, it is merely old,†just like everything else around here.
“Yah mean it’s an antique?â€
“It’s an antique? It’s an antique? It’s an antique?†he echoes as echolalia is ever present. With everyone at home, double echolalia, one version from each boy, is the musical background to nearly every waking moment.
I pause, reflective and experienced. I always forget that ‘antique’ is defined differently depending upon the continent.
“Um….well you might say that. May I hang it if it is an antique?â€
“No! We should sell it and be billionaires!â€
“And be billionaires! And be billionaires! And be billionaires!â€
“Some things really are priceless you know dear,†I advise is a wise and obscure manner.
“It’s more than a billion?â€
“More than a billion? More than a billion? More than a billion?â€
“Not exactly. It’s hard to put an exact figure on it.â€
“Figure on it. Figure on it. Figure on it.â€
“Geez guys, cun yah jus let mom answer a minute why dontcha!†For some unaccountable reason, they remain silent. What is her secret? We regroup. I collect my thoughts, every tiny little one of them, but as I open my mouth to reply, the little one bellows, “Earthquake! Earthquake! Earthquake! It is a compound word?†My daughter’s eye balls lock onto mine as we freeze, motionless and waiting, paralyzed by fear, aliens unable to control tectonic plates. Why didn’t I pay more attention during ‘Awareness Week.’ Doth the child have Savant powers? We shall all be killed and no-one will ever know! Is this the silence before the end?
The other one confesses, “Oopsie! My butt! My bad!â€
It seems that I’m always mis-interpreting matters and jumping to the wrong “conclusions.”
December 17th, 2007 at 1:11 am
I would love little decorations, if they didn’t carry the danger of being swallowed. Maybe when the small ones are bigger.
December 17th, 2007 at 3:00 am
Glad you survived the ‘earthquake’!!…
And managed to get the tree decorated!
xx
December 17th, 2007 at 3:02 am
As always we are living the same life
As for the flatulence I suggest my social story ‘Everybody Farts’ *snigger*
http://magnetoboldtoo.wordpress.com/2007/11/12/everybody-farts/
December 17th, 2007 at 3:08 am
*Laughing* I always enjoy your writing.
December 17th, 2007 at 4:22 am
Do you think there is a link between autism and bowel movements? I have heard somewhere that there is!
Crystal xx
December 17th, 2007 at 4:27 am
What’s the name of the new medication- Legumeaprol?
December 17th, 2007 at 5:21 am
Too funny!
Hope the sleep over went well and he didn’t send girls screaming in his wake or should that be his quake.
December 17th, 2007 at 6:53 am
ROFLMAO!! Oops, guess that’s poor chioce given teh topic…heh heh heh.
I love the oldest of my ornaments, too. They are filled with so many memories for me; I look at some and instantly transported (in my mind) to the time when it was new and I can remember that Christmas. Sigh…gotta get my tree up this week!
December 17th, 2007 at 7:05 am
believe it or not, there times i fart too
December 17th, 2007 at 7:29 am
This was too funny. I can just picture you all taking cover from the “bombs”!
December 17th, 2007 at 7:29 am
that was a riot!
enjoy the beautiful old ornaments and consider a gas mask. it’s worked for us but i’m afraid i’m the culprit.
December 17th, 2007 at 7:57 am
Nothing wrong with TOOTing your own horn.
December 17th, 2007 at 7:59 am
LOL, moments like those are priceless. thanks for sharing. too funny.
December 17th, 2007 at 8:08 am
Maybe it’s just a boy thing. My kids are always passing gas. I wish I had gotten used to it over the years but I find it really rude and annoying especially when it happens at the dinner table, but they say they can’t help it.
Boys!
December 17th, 2007 at 9:38 am
Glad you survived!!
December 17th, 2007 at 9:54 am
yeah, with a houseful of boys/men farts are an every day entertainment around here. grrrrr lol
That was really funny though.
December 17th, 2007 at 10:14 am
There is that poem, hmm, about farting being against the law in France? Someone must know it. I believe it even has a sister and 2 brothers. DS found it quite amusing. I’ll look it up if no on comes up with it.
December 17th, 2007 at 10:37 am
Hmps. Boys!
My husband still hasn’t grown out of that stage.
December 17th, 2007 at 11:44 am
Oh my LOL
December 17th, 2007 at 1:16 pm
HaH!!! And Earthquake! Gotta love it
December 17th, 2007 at 3:21 pm
Such a stinker you are…
December 17th, 2007 at 3:33 pm
I love the way you tell it with your chorus of echolalia in the background!
If he can swallow capsules I would recommend a probiotic of some kind. It’s just good bacteria, nothing chemical but it very well could help with some of the ‘earthquakes’ happening by you.
December 17th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
So cute! Have you ever read the kids’ book Walter the Farting Dog?
December 17th, 2007 at 5:37 pm
Better out, than in . . .
December 17th, 2007 at 7:01 pm
I love this. I love decorating!
December 17th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
I’m really happy to read this… about echolalia, I did worjk with sutistic kids years ago, with the TEACH method http://www.teacch.com/ People from NC came to our city to give teach us… I was a college student and it was a nice experience…
Big hugs to your kiddos!!!!
December 17th, 2007 at 8:10 pm
This time of year with all the chocolate… oh it is so stinky in my house.Hope you’ve had some time to relax, even if your house smells.
December 17th, 2007 at 8:37 pm
“After the torchlight red on sweaty faces
After the frosty silence in the gardens
After the agony in stony places
The shouting and the crying”
As usual, I could not resist!
shantih shantih shantih
December 17th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
There’s this guy who goes by the stage name Mr. Methane and he’s harnessed his amazing flatulence abilities into tooting out songs as though his rectum were a musical instrument. He’s best known for his rootin-tootin rendition of ‘Ode To Joy.’
A possible future career for your son???!?
December 17th, 2007 at 9:04 pm
Glad you survived the explosion
We have no hooks on our tree only loop.
I don’t want my happy two year old to pull one off and momma to step on it. Completely for my protection.
December 17th, 2007 at 10:48 pm
J says he doesn’t like farting but when he does he announces it afterwards. “I pooted,” he says and so proudly. He always makes me giggle.
The one antique ornament we have here is from Czech Republic and my two always freak when I take it out of its box. They’re so afraid I’ll drop and break it that they try and forbid me from putting it on the tree.
December 17th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
That is adorable. I know it must drive you nuts from time to time but what I wouldn’t give to have my little man announce something… anything!
Happy decorating! All of our decorations are new (within the last 6 years) except the ornaments our parents received when we were born. If anyone dares call them old, I will light their tree on fire >:)
December 18th, 2007 at 12:27 am
Jumping to conclusions?
That’s my trick.
December 18th, 2007 at 6:58 am
Mine thinks burping is fun. And LOVE potty/bodily function words… I taught him to talk b/c????
S
December 18th, 2007 at 9:43 am
Hee hee… and this is why we want them to talk, right?
December 18th, 2007 at 5:11 pm
Well thank goodness there is no such thing as flatulence echolalia. Then you’d really be in trouble!
December 18th, 2007 at 5:12 pm
Oh you wonderful woman! Thanks for the belly laugh! Deb
December 18th, 2007 at 9:44 pm
My youngest has heightened senses — oh joy! –and is forever hearing and smelling things we cannot. The earthquake thing I have never thought of…I wonder….
December 19th, 2007 at 6:36 am
BWAHAHA!
Rosie unabashedly delights in poofers. ACK.
Off to look up Walter the Farting Dog…
December 19th, 2007 at 8:30 am
Oops - that is very funny! Thanks for the smile today. Aren’t kids great?!