Navigating the Social world
I have reason to believe that I am the sole arbiter of social norms.
Because I am a superior being in these matters, I have no problem advising my daughter when it comes to her birthday celebration. Our last December birthday, and then I may turn my attention to the other big holiday celebration, if I have an ounce of energy left.
“So how many are comin Mom?”
“Well I don’t really know. Definitely 5 maybe 7?” Presumably because I failed to translate R.S.V.P on the invitation? “Perhaps you could ask them to telephone me dear?”
“Sure.”
“Very good. So I’ll collect the cake after I’ve made room for it in the freezer.”
“Oh. About that.”
“About what?”
“We need a different cake.”
“A different cake from the special, made to order one, that you specifically choose as being your favourite, you mean?” Rather than the home made, artistically created with love version, from your mother? How many more ’sacrifices’ do I have to make, deny my own pleasure, just so that she can be happy?
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“Joanne don’t like ice-cream cake.”
“But YOU like ice-cream cake and it’s YOUR birthday.”
“Yeah but I want my friends to be happy too.” This is taking accommodation too far!
“Fair enough. How about I make another cake, a little one, that way every one will be happy?”
“Yeah and get some ice cream too.”
“What for?”
“To go with the cake that you’re gonna make.”
“But what about the ice-cream cake, made with ice-cream?”
“That’s right! Remember, you have the cake which yah have with ice-cream, unless yah don’t like ice-cream, or yah have the ice-cream coz you don’t like the cake, then yah have the ice-cream cake if yah like ice-cream cake.” It’s the American way, what can I say. Take a perfectly delightful piece of cake and then make a hideously soggy disgusting mess of it with a dollop of ice-cream. Vile.
“O.k. So,….. I shall buy the pizzas today whilst you are at school.”
“Oh no. Not pizza!”
“I thought you said you wanted pizza? A special treat?”
“No coz Sara doesn’t like pizza.”
“But all Amer….um…..children like pizza!” Except my boys of course, although technically, they’re not invited to the sleepover.
“Oh. Well how about spaghetti then?”
“No. She dun like that either.”
“But all Ameri……what does she like?”
“Calamari.”
“?”
“She does, really! I like it too. Can we have Calamari? Please?”
“Leave that one with me. Do the rest of your friends like Calamari?”
“No but that’s o.k. coz Petra isn’t staying the night.”
“It’s a sleepover! Why isn’t she staying the night?”
“Coz of the boys.”
“?”
Let me die now.
I need an emergency pack of patience right this second.
“Um… why dear?”
“You know!” she says knowingly. I take a deep breath as it would be inconvenient to explode at this stage of the conversation. I need an emergency pack of tolerance right this second.
“What about the boys dear?” Pass me the ‘peace and love to all mankind’ emergency pack. What is wrong with these people! Must a little genetic variation always have such a dire impact?
“Well they’re, you know…..boys.”
“So?”
“An she’s a girl and she ain’t got no brothers, soooo….”
“So what?”
“Well she ain’t gonna stay the night in a house that’s got boys sleepin there too, duh!”
It’s official, I’m 119 years old and incapable of thinking outside the coffin shaped box of my own making. Just dig a six foot hole and bury me under the weight of my prejudices.
Is she really only about to be 10?
Stumble it!
December 14th, 2007 at 2:21 am
And a ‘beautiful’ 10 year old at that!
As my husband keeps saying about our daughter - just wait til she’s 16!!!
xx
December 14th, 2007 at 3:26 am
That is a fantastic photo of her.
December 14th, 2007 at 4:38 am
New rule for next year’s party: No parties.
December 14th, 2007 at 4:51 am
After two boys, my wife and I were both voluntarily sterilized…… I can say “No” to my wife, but I never would have been able to say no to a daughter! Happy Birthday to her- cute young lady!
December 14th, 2007 at 5:37 am
thanks for convincing me. i am going to put my small children in boxes with lids firmly nailed in place so as to prevent growth.
really, what a gorgeous girl! (eagerly awaiting final menu report)
December 14th, 2007 at 5:45 am
calamari hmmmm..hehehehe You are much nicer than me I would have asked Squid????
cheers kim..
December 14th, 2007 at 5:56 am
I’ve got two boys. They are indeed gross.
Good luck with that calamari.
December 14th, 2007 at 6:02 am
She’s gorgeous. And yes, you are nicer than me, too. I’d have said, “Too bad. We made our plans and they were expensive and can’t be changed. We’ll have something else for your friends on the side.”
I’m mean like that.
December 14th, 2007 at 6:14 am
What a georgeous picture. Birthday parties are indeed difficult. We normally, for older brother, have huge parties attended by dozens of people. This year I’ve told him 2 friends, pizza, movie and sleepover. Well, we’re up to 4 friends. *sigh* But I’m sticking with movie and pizza. *stomps foot*
Patrick will have his first real “party” this year. Lord help me!
December 14th, 2007 at 6:27 am
Happy Birthday to the beautiful 10 yr old!
So glad to hear the reason the friend isn’t staying is because the boys are boys..lol. How sad that I expected the worse
December 14th, 2007 at 7:04 am
Happy Birthday. she’s got a great smile.
December 14th, 2007 at 7:16 am
Your daughter is adorable.
At that age, the pressure to please every single friend is enormous. What a tightrope! You might as well have a nice glass of wine afterwards.
December 14th, 2007 at 8:03 am
Happy Birthday!!!
December 14th, 2007 at 9:23 am
when did guests start being allowed to dictate the menus? i mean i don’t mind making certain concessions over food allergies or vegetarianism, but expecting calamari? lordy….
December 14th, 2007 at 9:41 am
yOu are a way better, tollerant mom than I am.
He tells me what he wants, and it’s that or nothing. lol
Two of his cousins that are his age, one doesn’t like cake at all, and one doesn’t eat anything with chocolate. Kiddo’s favorite it yellow cake with chocolate icing, I usually don’t have ice cream to go with it, cuz neither of us like it. Those poor suckers don’t get to eat cake. hehehehehe
December 14th, 2007 at 9:50 am
Happy Birthday!!!
I haven’t dared have a birthday party yet for my eldest… the idea gives me hives
S.
December 14th, 2007 at 10:30 am
And this is why I have always tortured my children by completely avoiding sleepovers and birthday parties…
She is gorgeous.
December 14th, 2007 at 10:50 am
You’ve never heard of calamari pizza? It’s all the rage. Oh, don’t forget the jalepeno ice cream.
boys have cooties too and currently there is no cure.
December 14th, 2007 at 11:58 am
Only going to be 10, and you have to navigate through about 21, right?
Daunting, but doable.
December 14th, 2007 at 2:46 pm
Your daughter is so cute! We have a birthday party here tomorrow. I am so not ready for it!
December 14th, 2007 at 3:06 pm
How about you get a calamari pizza?
December 14th, 2007 at 3:53 pm
Happy Birthday to your beautiful daughter! Good luck with the party.
December 14th, 2007 at 5:02 pm
Ha! This is only the beginning….wait until she hits her teens….
Happy Birthday to your gorgeous daughter!
Maybe you should have it catered……
December 14th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
Boys are Barbarians, aren’t they.
She is a beauty.
December 14th, 2007 at 5:52 pm
So gorgeous, she is!
And so socially astute!
December 14th, 2007 at 6:13 pm
She’s so beautiful. Hope she has/had a great birthday. Who doesn’t like pizza!?
December 14th, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Personally I would not stay in a house with calamari in it; never trust anything that does not have a neck.
Your daughter is lovely, and you tell a grand tale of the logic war. Happy Birthday to her, and I hope the party works out. Just think, next year she’ll be wanting menus.
Be well,
Paul
December 14th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
ummm duh mom!!
December 14th, 2007 at 6:51 pm
Beautiful girl, inside and out… Happy 10th birthday …
December 14th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
Yes good luck with the party. You have the patience of Job. She is a beauty. I would not have known what calamari was when I was 10. Was I ever 10, I can’t remember…
December 14th, 2007 at 7:06 pm
She might be driving you crazy planning the party. But she is magnificent.
December 14th, 2007 at 9:22 pm
happy birthday to your daughter…and good luck to you!
December 14th, 2007 at 10:49 pm
You crack me up, you’re a hoot! And I might add a very good sport at that! Your daughter is beautiful, Maddy–perhaps she would enjoy meeting my 10.5 year old son? He’s a handsome guy, strawberry blonde, tall, although still a bit of a mommy’s boy, but it’s okay I like him like that! xo
PS, no clue what’s up with blogger. Nope. None.
December 14th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
look at how wise those eyes are.
December 15th, 2007 at 3:09 am
Your daughter is beautiful! Just wait until she turns 13. The teenage years! My daughter had hers last summer and I told her not another one until she’s 16.
December 15th, 2007 at 7:23 am
Happiest of birthday wishes for your pretty girl!
December 15th, 2007 at 8:18 am
Oh! Because they’re boys! Your daughter is beautiful. And I could use some emergency packs of patience at my house!
December 15th, 2007 at 8:55 am
Next year my oldest daughter will be nine years old. It is a crushing sort of feeling given the fact that next year in June I will have graduated ten years prior and that I went into the military ten years prior. Yeah, crushing sort of blow. I think that the older we get as parents, the rougher the mild stones are. I think I will lose my mind once my daughter turns ten. It will the beginning of so many more things and oh my when my son turns ten, that’s only six years away but still I don’t know what his mind set will be then. I’m getting nervous just thinking about it.
December 15th, 2007 at 9:09 am
In my opinion, there is no navigating the social world of ten year old girls. It is a level five white water rapids and you just tighten your life vest and hang on… until they are, what?, 20?
December 15th, 2007 at 9:14 am
What a wonderful post and a wonderful daughter. Birthday planning here begins directly after Christmas. His birthday is July 1. He lives from holiday to holiday. Good luck!
December 15th, 2007 at 11:03 am
I have clearly been in the US too long - cake with icecream sounds normal to me! Actually I do remember my mother serving us chocolate swiss roll with vanilla icecream. My favorite thing to do with it was smoosh it all up until it was a gloopy mess – something about the texture of the cake crumbs in the meliting icecream really pleased me!
So far we’ve mostly avoided birthday parties here. DD has had a choice the last 2 years – party, or a trip to Maryland to visit great-aunt and uncle and SHE gets to choose what we do while we’re there. (She hasn’t figured out yet that she’s choosing from the options we give her!) We’ve been to the National Zoo, the aquarium in Baltimore, the Renaissance Festival, and the Smithsonian All in all, probably more expensive than a party, but so much more fun as far as I’m concerned. Now DS has announced that he expects to go to Maryland for his 5th birthday – he’s already planning his trip to the Air and Space museum!
December 15th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
OH the pressure to fit in - so it begins. The kids don’t care nearly as much about the menu as she thinks, and you get to bear the brunt of her anxiety!
What a Mom! With a beautiful daughter!’
December 16th, 2007 at 12:02 am
[...] Doesn’t she know that I’m still in “Birthday mode”? [...]
December 16th, 2007 at 7:57 am
Beautiful, illogical girl.
I do feel compelled to defend ice cream + cake, however. Why shouldn’t we have BOTH? This is America… wretched excess is our birthright! I will admit that it is better on the side of the plate, rather than right on top of the cake, however.
December 16th, 2007 at 10:08 am
She’s beautiful!!!
December 17th, 2007 at 12:05 am
[...] hang the last few decorations on the tree before the guests arrive for the “sleepover.” I am uncertain which parts of me are malfunctioning? Either the tree is bigger or the decorations [...]
December 17th, 2007 at 9:57 pm
Her smile just warmed my heart, right before bed!
I’ll have a ten year old in 2008.. Ughh… lol
December 18th, 2007 at 8:04 pm
Oh, my. I completely misread that conversation the first two times. I thought the friend’s mother objected because, unbeknownst to you, your daughter had invited actual male classmates to the sleepover. Yeah, my head was going in a totally different way…
December 23rd, 2007 at 11:23 pm
[...] daughter has 6 pals over for her “sleepover birthday party.” I find it odd that I am surprised. I am surprised that all six of my daughter’s friends share [...]