Parental Expectations
Given the gene pool around here, I anticipated that my children would also be allergic to exercise. We don't watch sport nor to we engage in anything that hazardous to health and mental well being.
That aside it would appear that my children, like most children have excessive amount of energy, the trampolene only gets us so far. Sometimes I just have to work with what I have and exploit it to the full.
“Ooo I am love!” he coos.
“What do you love dear?”
“Dem golden balls!” He clutches a yellow tennis ball in each hand, enraptured.
“Those are tennis balls actually.”
“Tennis balls? What is it be 'tennis'?”
“It's a game that two or four people play with rackets.”
“What is it be dah 'racket'?”
“Hang on a minute, I'll show you.” I dash off into the garage and present him with a rather dusty tennis racket.
“Ooo dis is dah good stick fing. I am liking it very much. I can be keeped it?”
“Be my guest.” I had temporarily forgotten his current liking for long handled things. Dragging a tennis racket around with us everywhere would be a considerable improvement on the toilet plunger, so much easier to explain, or rather not explain at all.
A general group interest develops between the children, the balls and the tennis racket. My daughter fetches two more from the garage. After a few minutes of wild instruction I decide that we will decamp to the park, if I hope to retain my windows in tact.
I decide that the best approach is to ambush them. Since 'outside' and 'not in the house' is a recipe for disaster, I decide to be sneaky.
“Let's all get in the car then, as we need to nip out and buy some milk.” I gather tennis rackets and sundry bribes whilst the salmon weep, wail and slap around on the floor in protest. This is only to be expected, firstly because it is a transition, and they hate those, and secondly because they hate the car.
Before too long, about 25 minutes, we zip along to the milk shop. I warn them of the detour, now that they are all safely strapped in, “we'll just drop in at the park for a while to enjoy the sunshine and a breath of fresh air.” It's a statement, not a question, but verbal protests make my ears bleed.
I park in a safe spot, lock the road side door and release them into the safety of the park the other side. The boys roll on the grass. A casual passer by might think they were having run rolling in the leaves, although the screams might give another message, “I am die in dah sun!”
“I am be melting!”
I drag the sack of play things from the back of the car, together with a cartoon of Goldfish Crackers to bribe them into movement.
The tennis court is some distance from the rest of the park. This is good because it means that no-one is particularly bothered by the screamers. I delight in the surrounding wire mesh fence. Escape is impossible as the latch on the door is too complicated and cold for them to consider touching.
I play with my daughter so that the boys can observe as that is how they learn best. I am confident that when they see how much fun we are having they are bound to want to join in too. My youngest son decides that he will join in. He hold the red plastic baseball bat in a fierce grip as he charges around trying to hit the tennis ball. I am so glad that no-one is watching. I am so glad that there are no American's around to bear witness to this travesty. I watch my son race around like a hare at the Greyhound track.
I saunter over to my other son. Kinesthetic learning is the way forward. He is already willing to have a go after his virtual experience with the Wii. I need him to be successful. We stand together like spoons as I guide his body through the motions. I remember that I have always been a lousy tennis player but I have the basics. Together we are poised. We teeter on the edge of positive reinforcement as the racket head makes contact with the ball and it flies over the net. He whips around to face me, wordless but beaming.
Of course it was a one hit wonder!
December 10th, 2007 at 11:52 pm
Oh my -
“I am die in dah sun!â€
“I am be melting!â€
Hysterical! A bit dramatic, what? Lol!
December 11th, 2007 at 12:25 am
But they are lying (referencing previous post) I mean on the ground. Is that a fat bat I behold in the top photo? Too cold here but we have gotten 2 rackets and 2 cans of aging balls.
December 11th, 2007 at 12:25 am
I cracked up at that as well.
Yay for tennis! I enjoy playing, but am not very good at it.
December 11th, 2007 at 12:31 am
This was fun to read. Glad you were able to get them out playing like that. I love the melting and die in the sun commnets!
December 11th, 2007 at 1:47 am
Oh that was brilliant. Yay I am pleased that you had a successful outing YAY YAY YAY…
cheers kim xx
December 11th, 2007 at 2:38 am
What a courageous trip out! Glad to see it was successful and they didn’t ‘melt’ too much!
… And the sanctuary of an enclosed mesh fence – now that is something to behold!!!
December 11th, 2007 at 3:20 am
rofl! My 7 year old often tells me he’s melting.
December 11th, 2007 at 3:43 am
I love that last picture. There’s your wordless Wednesday, right there!
December 11th, 2007 at 3:53 am
We have to chip in and get you a ringmaster costume for next Halloween- I’m sure you feel like one once in awhile! Do they sleep better after all that?
December 11th, 2007 at 4:09 am
ABSOLUTELY HYSTERICAL!!
I wish I were there to capture this on video, but your writing does the job!!
Great Lines……
” I gather tennis rackets and sundry bribes whilst the salmon weep, wail and slap around on the floor in protest.”
“Dragging a tennis racket around with us everywhere would be a considerable improvement on the toilet plunger, so much easier to explain, or rather not explain at all.”
When will they start their tennis lessons?????
Love,
Suzy
December 11th, 2007 at 4:33 am
What a great narration. I am sure they benefit greatly from their tennis exercise, probably expends a little excess energy, and therefore you benefit in the long run. I love when my kids are in sports…they are far less demanding!
December 11th, 2007 at 4:51 am
Love your blog! And LOVE the pic of the kids lying on the court….
Hallie
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/
December 11th, 2007 at 5:09 am
I am with the boys. I too, am be melting.
December 11th, 2007 at 5:37 am
Our problem is that Patrick seems to have an unlimited reserve of energy. Meaning of course, that getting out to exercise might make us healthier, would be a good learning experience, but would not invoke tiredness.
My favorite line was “Dragging a tennis racket around with us everywhere would be a considerable improvement on the toilet plunger, so much easier to explain, or rather not explain at all.â€
December 11th, 2007 at 6:41 am
I enjoy the same playing spots as you, well out of ear shot and enclosed with a fence to prevent escape.
December 11th, 2007 at 6:52 am
LOL! Love the end picture!
December 11th, 2007 at 7:21 am
You have Salmon? The Elder is more like a melting snowman in transition: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
Caption for the last picture: “And it wasn’t just the spectators that thought tennis was boring… next up: Slumber Golf”
December 11th, 2007 at 7:26 am
that’s awesome Maddy. my little ones love running around. organized sports at this age mainly consist of me trying to get my son not to pour dirt on his own head. but he just values the time with his dad and the cool hat he got too
December 11th, 2007 at 8:13 am
Love the idea of a kid dragging the toilet plunger around. I don’t know why, but it just strikes my funny bone today.
And the pictures are great, as well as your writing. But you already knew it, didn’t you?
December 11th, 2007 at 8:13 am
hey! he’s already a better player than me! i play abotu aas well as if i were using a plunger of plastic bat!
and how wonderful that you seized the moment and ran to have that impromptu lesson and fun time. i just LOVE that picture at the bottom. too funny and cute.
December 11th, 2007 at 8:25 am
How fun! And yes, I imagine a tennis racket would be easier to explain (or not) than a plunger!!!
December 11th, 2007 at 8:44 am
Hi stranger!
I’ve missed your view on the world and reading stories about your family and seeing pictures of the kids!
I hope to be around more often.
Good luck with the tennis!
December 11th, 2007 at 8:51 am
Oh the drama and dramatic complaints…oy my kids are the Queens.
And love this story, the photo at the end is classic.
Julie
Using My Words
December 11th, 2007 at 9:46 am
The golden balls comment made me laugh. Moosie was carrying around something in a bag saying they were “big eyeballs.” Come to find out they were golf balls.
Good job knowing the possible consequences, but jumping out there and trying it anyhow! Usually there’s a payoff, just not always what we thought it would be!
December 11th, 2007 at 9:52 am
I love the photo at the end, too!
A one hit wonder! (snicker)
December 11th, 2007 at 10:34 am
oh precious.. how great to find a nice fenced-in activity that is the picture of normal (aside from the lying down on the court part).
I am all about finding activities where everyone is fenced in. Hmm Jake might like tennis. sticks, balls and painted lines on the ground.
I sense a family outing coming on.
December 11th, 2007 at 11:01 am
Awesome! Sun…what is the sun…I forgot what that is like?! Argh. I can just picture him carrying around a plunger. Yes, a racket would be much much cooler.
December 11th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
That sounds fun! “I be melting!” LOL. I hope they have un-melted by now.
December 11th, 2007 at 1:34 pm
That last picture is a winner! I love it. And the picture you paint of your proud, beaming boy is precious.
December 11th, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Get them on the stage! Crystal xx
December 11th, 2007 at 1:49 pm
That last picture needs to be framed with the caption “I am die in dah sun!†and “I am be melting!â€. How classic! =o) At least he didn’t hit the balls with a plunger!
December 11th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
What a wonderful account. The last photo is a classic. Thanks for visiting the Poor Mouth
December 11th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
Great post. I doubt any of us Americans would be offended by your little ones hitting a tennis ball with a baseball bat
I’ve done the same in my day, and in my day I mean a long time ago 
December 11th, 2007 at 4:57 pm
Hooray for you! getting them out there is 9/10ths of the battle.
December 11th, 2007 at 6:24 pm
I LOVE the picture of him lying on the ground. ROFL
It sounds like they had a great time. And yeah, it’s all enclosed.
And look-I saw a golden orb in your sky. We haven’t seen that golden orb thing for a long time.
December 11th, 2007 at 6:25 pm
DS doesn’t do the flopping salmon thing, he does the ‘going boneless’ thing, which miraculously makes him far too heavy to pick up and carry out to his car seat. However, mention the park and he would probably get up and RUN to the car – both kids love our local park.
The kids’ daycare center does an annual picnic at another (different) park where there is a tennis court. The first year there we figured out that the easiest way for the parents to be able to relax and chat with each other was to encourage the kids into the tennis courts, then close the door. Every year some new parents keep opening the gate so the kids aren’t ‘trapped’, until we explain that that’s the whole point!
December 11th, 2007 at 7:32 pm
You have 2 children with Autism and you find time to blog?!?!?! Are you super woman?
Thanks for stopping by my blog today. I’m sure you weren’t able to tell by reading the post you commented on, but I am a special needs nanny. I have spent the last 16 years caring for children like yours!
I’m guessing that you are an amazing woman! I will be back!
December 11th, 2007 at 7:48 pm
Maddy, I can imagine the look on his face as he beamed at you…and i bet it made all the theatrics of melting in the sun entirely worth it, yes? And, oh my, the image of him dragging around a plunger…I nearly spat coffee on my poor monitor I laughed so hard!
December 11th, 2007 at 10:05 pm
That last photo?
Is a cracker! As we would say in this part of the world.
December 11th, 2007 at 10:20 pm
Love that last photo!
December 11th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
That sounded dam near close to a perfect day!!! hehehehehe
December 12th, 2007 at 6:36 am
“Melting?” I think you’re letting them watch the Gollum scenes in LOTR too much. “We hates the yellow eye! It burns us!”
December 12th, 2007 at 10:21 am
That last photo made me laugh! At least you got them to try it
December 12th, 2007 at 1:20 pm
What a fantastic mommy these kids have. You carry on, despite bleeding ears!
Detour. Road side door locked. One hit wonders. *giggle*
And the pictures are amazing.
Thanks for sharing! Heidi
December 12th, 2007 at 3:49 pm
LOL, they are hilarious. I’m glad you and your troop were able to make it to the park.
December 12th, 2007 at 4:26 pm
I am impressed with the one hot wonder! After all, it beats not getting off the recliner (which is my status at the moment)
December 12th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Sorry … one HIT wonder.