The Littlest Angel – Kindred Spirits
Maybe your child is a loner, some children are, as are some adults come to think of it. Some children are aware of the fact that they are without friends but they’re happier that way, self sufficient and independent. Some children are unaware that they have no friends. A few children become aware that they have no friends and wonder why? Occasionally, a child who has no friends, finds one, a friend that is to say. That individual, in this particular instance, has been in the same class as my son for three years but until just recently they have completely ignored one another, or maybe just not noticed the presence of the other?
For four years I haven’t pushed him. It’s a harmless piece of traditional fluff of no importance. But this year he is older, 7, the age of cognition for some children.
I decide to tackle the issue head on. Friday, the last day of school, the children are required to wear a Holiday hat and engage in the holiday spirit. The latter is likely to be a challenge. The former is more of a brick wall.
My youngest son’s head is generally off limits. Whilst he has been known to don head gear on occasions, more often than not it’s more protective in nature rather than the more usual clothing garment. A wooden box with a peep hole equates to protection.
There is no point in appealing to his better nature. There is no point in suggesting that he tackle this feat just to please me. He doesn’t do guilt, fortunately, so there are few choices available to me. He has no need to fit in with his peer group, he is immune to peers. He is immune to groups come to think of it. Bribery would always be my first choice given the option, but I am unable to attend school as his shadow, armed with a sackful of Goldfish Crackers.
I don’t know what, if anything the other children say to him, but I do know that if the entire school wears hats, most of them red, it’s a visual cue with neon lights.
We have the usual struggle over school attendance, last day or not, he still doesn’t want to go to school. There is no point in reminding him of the party, as party roughly translates to ‘poison pain.’ There is no point in reminding him of the gift exchange because the presents will be wrapped in paper and therefore untouchable, and in any event their contents, by definition, will be disappointing.
I do remind him of the one tolerable thing about school, that he gets to spend time with his pal, the new love of his life, his first, only and best friend, Adam. Little Adam is my own personal angel, as he has given the most precious gift to my son, the present of his very own unique self, to bond with my own little devil.
I pause and contemplate Little Adam, high end spectrum, verbal and fragile. Adam is a twin. He has a twin sister. My son was a twin, but his twin didn’t make it out into the world alive. The black hole on the sonogram was seared onto my memory, but back then, I didn’t appreciate that I was a visual learner. The icicle of terror made me hold my breath. It was melted by the steady blinking shadow of a second secret heartbeat. As a result, I find that I have a tendency to read too deeply into something of no great significance. My son wants to live with Adam, be with Adam, exist in Adam’s orbit, permanently. It is a crushing new development that leaves me and Adam’s mother, in a state of disbelief and delight.
“You know?”
“Wot?” he bellows.
“Are you going to give Adam a Christmas present?”
“No. Er yes. Um why?”
“Because he is your friend.” He looks at me blankly but lured in by the enticement of his current adoration.
“I have an idea!”
“Wot?” he bellows.
“How about I take you to the shop and you can choose a holiday hat, one for you and one for Adam. Perhaps you could choose two the same that you could both wear tomorrow, together.” He clamps his hands over his mouth to cover his rapid breathing and the battle over competing emotions. He adopts the expression of constipation unable to achieve peace of mind or body. So easy, so difficult. The caress of friendship, the torture of a hat, the agony of indecision.
“You can try it on in the shop and see it it’s itchy or scratchy? You could choose one without elastic?” You could wear it inside out for all I care. He rocks back and forth on the hard wood floors on his bony little bum with his arms clasped tightly around his legs and his head tucked into his knees.
“That way you’ll look almost the same,” I whisper to the silent mop of hair.
“Like bruvvers?”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe people are think we are twins?”
“Maybe.” No promises.
December 21st, 2007 at 12:20 am
When I saw the book cover, I felt a twinge: That’s the very book Charlie is drawn to. He calls it “water boats”—Heaven is the ocean, or looks or feels like it.
Then Adam and the little twin.
Have you read Stealth Grief by Mom-NOS?
I would have teared up after this post regardless, at the thought of your guy having found his brother, without and with hat and halo.
December 21st, 2007 at 2:32 am
“I would have teared up after this post regardless, at the thought of your guy having found his brother, without and with hat and halo.”
Understandable. I did.
December 21st, 2007 at 2:50 am
Adam is an angel for both of you…
LOL xx
December 21st, 2007 at 3:22 am
So great! And did he find any hats he would wear?
December 21st, 2007 at 3:27 am
My eldest doesn’t have many friends and he probably never will have. He looks different and is super sensitive. His best friend died of cancer a year and half ago and he hasn’t found anyone to replace him. His friend was a bit different to most boys his age and he just accepted my son for who he was. You’ve brought a huge lump to my throat. I know just how painful it all is and how wonderful it is when they do make a really good buddy. Life can be so hard!!!
December 21st, 2007 at 3:37 am
I know you’ll think this is your Christmas present, if it all works out the way you hope it does!
December 21st, 2007 at 3:53 am
I think there must be something in my eye..
cheers kim
December 21st, 2007 at 4:00 am
The beauty in this post Maddy.
December 21st, 2007 at 5:03 am
Are you sure this is about angels and not monkeys?
“Hats for sale! Hats for sale! Fifty cents a hat!”
December 21st, 2007 at 5:18 am
dude, don’t make me cry! (sniff)
December 21st, 2007 at 5:21 am
Did he get the hats? My son had to wear a baseball hat for two straight years and he must always put hoods up even when it is hot.
How nice that you son has Adam, a brother of sorts, in this world they live in.
I love your blog, your perspective. This post made me tear up, too.
December 21st, 2007 at 5:42 am
The caress of friendship, the torture of a hat, the agony of indecision.
that sums it up so beautifully. i rejoice with you over his finding of a dear and special friend who is like a bruvver. bless both the little angels.
December 21st, 2007 at 5:50 am
It’s hard to find friends when you are young, for all youngsters. I hope he found a suitable hat for him and his friend.
December 21st, 2007 at 6:06 am
can i just say that i love that even in this country you’ve got someone who says, “Wot?”
hee hee!
it’s pardon…..
December 21st, 2007 at 6:11 am
What a post…brings up lots of sadness for me. I so wish Kaeden could have a true friend. He so wants that in his life, but it doesn’t come easily or naturally. A few days ago, Kaeden told Jari that our neighbor man had moved out. And he was upset, because Piet was his ‘friend’. (He’s a 50-something guy, but always gave Kaeden the time of day) Jari told him, “Piet isn’t really a real friend. He just lives next to us.” And that broke my heart, because Jari has real friends, but Kaeden doesn’t, and if he wants Piet to be his real friend, then so be it. Anyway, I guess you know what I mean, so I’ll just say I’m so happy for your two little buddies…and it gives me hope that one day, somebody will be a true friend to my son, regardless of his unique qualities…
December 21st, 2007 at 6:59 am
Amy has many friends but none that really understand her. She is young I know but I have watched other kids make fun of her and mimick her speech and she is none the wiser. She is a loner. She enjoys the company of another child but only for a short time.
I’m so glad your youngest is making friends. It’s really important for them to see a different outlook on life, not just at home.
Crystal xx
December 21st, 2007 at 7:01 am
Oh my goodness… “Like bruvvers?â€
That gets me.
Merry Christmas to you and your precious family… and Little Adam and his family as well.
December 21st, 2007 at 7:02 am
that was sweet Maddy, thanks for sharing that story
December 21st, 2007 at 7:24 am
Ben has had a few friends along the way…without fail they were always ADHHHHHD. I learned to get along with them, and always liked their parents.
December 21st, 2007 at 7:24 am
WAH!
December 21st, 2007 at 7:25 am
You have a beautiful way of telling a story. I am choked up. I am glad he has a bruvver at school.
December 21st, 2007 at 8:34 am
Oh that is so TOUCHING…really it is. That kind of kid crush friendship…it moves me.
Julie
Using My Words
December 21st, 2007 at 8:50 am
What a wonderful, beautifully sad story. And you tell it so well.
Thanks so much for sharing. Yours is the first blog I read every day.
December 21st, 2007 at 9:57 am
What a wonderful post.
Our little guy has a friend like that too, one who understands him not so much because he is like him as that he, the friend, has a little brother with Williams syndrome. The friend just handles all the quirks–bursting the body bubble, squeals, flapping, perseverations–like so much water off a duck’s back. He’s wonderful to our son, and they are wonderful together. We walked a trail of lights in our city last night together, and they held hands the whole way. Funny how they’ll still do that when they’re six.
Anyway, God bless these children who give so much to our own.
December 21st, 2007 at 10:07 am
J hasn’t had very many friends since his best friend moved away four years ago. He kept waiting for the other J to come back. I think he finally realized it’s not going to happen and now this year he has friends and one boy in particular he’s close to. It’s such a great thing to see and know is there. I used to cry when I’d be at school and see him on the playground all by himself.
To know your youngest has that gift of a friend is one of the best things in the world. The kids who play with ours and befriend them truly are angels.
December 21st, 2007 at 10:12 am
Tearing up… wishing for my own son to find a “little Angel”…
December 21st, 2007 at 10:49 am
wonderful.
hoping my son P. has a friend some day- but right now, he just doesnt care. A. and J (both with aspergers each only have one friend- but they seem very happy with that.
Do let us know if he managed hat…
December 21st, 2007 at 11:11 am
awwww Maddy, I just adore you and your kids more and more as I read your posts. Thank you so much for sharing such a wonderful gift.
So…did he decide for or against the hat???
December 21st, 2007 at 12:26 pm
How wonderful that he has made a friend!
December 21st, 2007 at 12:39 pm
So precious….and poignant.
Beautiful the way you weave it all together.
December 21st, 2007 at 12:43 pm
A friend is a life line.
December 21st, 2007 at 12:46 pm
beautiful
December 21st, 2007 at 1:54 pm
“He clamps his hands over his mouth to cover his rapid breathing and the battle over competing emotions.”
So beautifully written!
My younger one chose today to wear a homemade Chinese rice hat and red silk shirt because they were told they could wear holiday hats. He decided to celebrate Chinese New Year. So very much braver than I was at his age. Hoping no one was mean.
December 21st, 2007 at 2:35 pm
You left me holding my breath.
My son, at 23, really only has 1 friend in person. Someone he went to school with from start to finish. But online – he is a star. He has a fan club even. The internet has been the great equalizer for him and I am so glad he has found a place for himself.
Can’t wait to hear the next part of your story!
December 21st, 2007 at 3:29 pm
I’m envious of the ability to converse … and the friend. Will we ever get there … One day at a time I suppose. Still, your story gives me hope…
December 21st, 2007 at 3:54 pm
So beautiful.
December 21st, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Maddy: A happy Christmas to you and your family. Your blog has opened up a world to me. And, frankly, how many friends do we really have, any of us? I l always speak in terms of acquaintances, anyhow, as real friends are few and far between.
December 21st, 2007 at 5:55 pm
Beautifully told.
Warmest seasonal greetings to you and all the family, Maddy,
Be well,
Paul.
December 21st, 2007 at 7:05 pm
Incredibly poignant, Maddy. I am left to wonder what became of the hats?
December 21st, 2007 at 7:34 pm
This post is beautiful. When I was a child I was content to be alone. I rocked myself in my classroom in my own little world and never answered roll. I’m still happy alone. I communicate much better with the written word rather than spoken. I hope you have a beautiful Christmas… as beautiful as your son and his wonderful friend. *wiping tears*
December 21st, 2007 at 8:25 pm
Oh this was too sweet! Tearing up at the moment.
December 21st, 2007 at 9:15 pm
What magic for anyone to find a best friend. So wonderful!
December 21st, 2007 at 10:26 pm
What a wonderful thing to read when one is feeling cynical! Thank you!
December 22nd, 2007 at 12:48 am
My heart was aching by the time I reached the end of your post. Beautiful and painful.
December 22nd, 2007 at 2:04 pm
What a beautiful time for you and your little devil (angel). I like that his new friend is named Adam. The first man (at least some think), and your wee one’s first friend. I like it! Congratulations on his new love. As always, I cry as I feel the love coming out of your posts. Ashley
December 22nd, 2007 at 2:04 pm
And let us know if he ended up picking out hats!
December 22nd, 2007 at 2:28 pm
This is such a beautiful post. Please write a follow-up to let us know if he found hats and was able to enjoy his time with Adam.
I know it is huge in our classroom whenever one of the students takes notice of another. It is such a deep-seated need to connect, to be understood. We delight in each positive interaction. :0)
December 22nd, 2007 at 9:53 pm
So touching.
You have some special kids
December 23rd, 2007 at 12:42 am
Sigh. How wonderful to capture the beauty and significance of that moment.
Thanks for stopping by my lowly blog and leaving a comment!
December 23rd, 2007 at 12:03 pm
I feel much pain for you and your angel, but what a sweet ending. “Maybe” is truly a magical word.
December 23rd, 2007 at 12:25 pm
What a new world for him. Thank you for sharing it with us.
December 23rd, 2007 at 4:30 pm
Lovely, touching post. I’m so glad for his friend. Hope he found matching hats that suited.
December 24th, 2007 at 7:15 am
How wonderful that he has found a friend … I am sure they did look like twins!
November 12th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
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