Friendship cools to acquaintance
“God Madz you look like crap!”
“Yes well that's international travel for you!”
“I thought they had all that plastic surgery out your way, er cosmetic surgery?”
“Er… they do… I suppose.”
“You should book yourself in for a makeover.”
“I'll bear that in mind…….if I only had the time.”
“Oh yeah. The kids. Is that them?”
“Yes.”
“What are they doing under the table?”
“Playing. It's a bit noisy, too many people.”
“God I bet you wish you had your tubes tied before you left for the good old US of A!”
“Well, I er…..”
“Still spect it was the old hormones at your time of life. Shit it's a curse.”
“The hormones or the age?”
“Both.”
“Ah…well it's a bit more complicated than…..”
“But I mean, if you'd have known, it you'd have had any idea…”
“I’m sorry?”
“It's just….. you know….. no-one would choose to have….. you know….?”
“Actually, I don't know. What do you mean?”
“Look , no offence or anything but if I knew I was gonna have a couple of …well you know…?”
“Spit it out why dontcha?”
“Fuck Maddy, I don't mean anything it's just you know, if you had a choice…?”
“Look at them. Just look at them!”
“I am! They're lying on the carpet Madz, you know, they're all, you know, weird and well it's like they're all alone, like you, know …..there's no-one else here!”
“Is that really what you see?”
“I mean they look kindof ok but they're not really here are they?”
January 8th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
OMG. Please do not let me near that woman right now because I am fit to kill. I mean, tears. That is the most atrocious conversation I can imagine. You are a phenomenal woman with beautiful, gifted children. Yes, we have challenges, but life with ASD is not a curse. It’s tiring, and the fatigue can show on our faces, but to choose otherwise. Not now, not ever. ((hugs))
January 8th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Acquantance is being generous, Maddy. I don’t even know what else to say except you are wonderful and your boys are too!
January 8th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
She is so lucky I am about five thousand miles away.
January 8th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
I’m going to take a wild guess, and say that this person doesn’t have children.
I just can’t imagine another mother so totally dismissing the offspring of another mother.
Joe
January 8th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Oh Dear.. I assume she is childless?? or is she just normally thoughtless and stupid??
Sooo How was the wedding? What bowls did you give? How were the boys on the flights? How are you? Did the boys survive the dreadful pommy weather?
I missed you while you were away..
cheers Kim xxx
January 8th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
This person is not really “here,” “there,” or anywhere.
January 8th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
You want I should punch this “person’s” lights out? I could use the frequent flier miles.
Please note I’ve changed my blog address and I am now at wordpress. You can find me at http://www.bipolarlawyercook.wordpress.com.
January 8th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
That is pretty damned obnoxious of her to make an assumption like that much less to SAY it. To YOU!
Unbelievably insensitive.
January 8th, 2008 at 3:01 pm
really out loud? Does she not have a filter? Wow!
January 8th, 2008 at 3:03 pm
That is just dreadful. Truly.
January 8th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Well, no wonder I was thinking about you earlier; you needed some good vibes thrown your way!
Hang in there, babe. People reveal themselves in unexpected — and unflattering — ways and you’re better off without this person in your life.
January 8th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
My god; was this an ACTUAL conversation??
How are you after all of this???
January 8th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I am so sorry. I have had some awful conversations, but one like that would have left me completely broken. DO NOT let that conversation creep into your head!! Our kids are not like other kids…but I am sure however they appear to a woman like that she could never know the beauty and joy in our lives…I am sure there’s a list a mile long of things you don’t take for granted — I am speechless! I am so sorry.
PS — I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately…Jack has always had special needs since birth (former 25 weeker, CP, Seizures, and so on, etc.) and we’ve recently added autism as well and so many things clicked once we were given the diagnosis.
Hang in there and know we’ve all got your back!!!
January 8th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Oh Maddie!!! Tell you what… we internet commenters will all gang up on this person and attack them with all the force we can muster on our keyboards… sigh… if only we could be there in real life, eh? We would have attacked in full force… internet commenters are good like that.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Your boys are amazing. You are amazing and this PERSON is missing out on a fabulous relationship.
January 8th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Cools to acquaintance????
How ’bout “Freezes into utter hatred”?
She must walked awfully funny after you jammed that wine glass up…Uh, nevermind…
January 8th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Cools to acquaintance????
How ’bout “Freezes into utter hatred”?
She must’ve walked awfully funny after you jammed that wine glass up…Uh, nevermind…
January 8th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Wow. Are you American enough yet to have yelled at her? Actually, I probably couldn’t have managed that myself — I think I would have been stunned into horrified, rageful silence.
January 8th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
Wow. Just wow. She was very thoughtless, hey.
Okay now, when are you going to tell us all about the better (much better) aspects of the trip? Did the boys melt in the rain?
January 8th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Just curious Maddy dear — how much booze was involved in this conversation?
I’m not making excuses — I probably would have given her The Look of Frozen Outrage®and left the table –
If not boxed her ears and left the table.
January 8th, 2008 at 4:16 pm
Are you kidding?
You want I should kill her?
January 8th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
And “acquaintance” cools to “person I used to know”.
January 8th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
*GASP!*
Just that, it’s all I can mange at present.
January 8th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
Good heavens. I don’t even know what to say. How horrifying. Sounds like the type of person who came up with a certain ad campaign. But worse. If nothing else, be happy that you’re not like her. I LOVE your beautiful boys!
January 8th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
PS Welcome back! You are greatly loved here and thus greatly missed.
January 8th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
I think you were entirely too mild in the title,
“Friendship cools to acquaintance”.
How about: “Friendship is plunged to Absolute Zero: Future Shame and Shunning”
January 8th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
like the above comment, i want to rename the title of this post. how about “… to mortal archenemies”?
some people are SO completely ignorant.
GRRR
January 8th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
GASP! What a wretched thing to say. What a wench!
January 8th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
Well, I welcome and your children back from that. I’ve never been directly faced with that, just a shying away. How did you not spit in her face?!?!?! In anycased, I hope the rest of your trip and the wedding went well (geesh, I hope she wasn’t the bride!).
January 8th, 2008 at 6:00 pm
Time for one of my favorite quotes: People suck.
January 8th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Seriously? I’m speechless. But sending you a hug.
January 8th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
Good Lord. And I thought the British were famed for their politeness.
What a terrible thing to say. Terrible.
Hope that was the only low point of your trip away.
January 8th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
Welcome home, Maddie and family. I have missed you.
January 8th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
Geesh. I don’t see any way that foot can ever be extracted from that mouth again. What a pity to have such shallow vision.
I’ll save all the angrier words since you have plenty from everyone else already.
-t
P.S. I missed you!
January 8th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
My God – What an AWFUL, AWFUL thing for someone to say! — And not just one wrong thing – but so many. What a horrid person! {hugs}
January 8th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Holy Crap. I hate those conversations. But don’t forget there’s always us- and we know your children (all of them) are treasures beyond all. ***HUGS*** Welcome home.
January 8th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
And good riddance! My god, what is wrong with her?
I’m so very happy to see you’re back.
January 8th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Wow .. Unfortunately this acquaintnace was just verbalizing what many morons actually think. Bad, bad karma …
January 8th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
Wow. So, you had a nice break then? Got some aggression out, I suppose? Welcome home. I hope the rest of your trip was less memorable.
January 8th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
What! I can’t believe that people still think these are ok things to say to a mother!
January 8th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
Maddy, I am just SO sorry.
And this person is SO not worth your effort, nor your love.
January 8th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
I wonder how she would feel if it were her parents wishing she was never born.
People can really be idiots
She just doesn’t know how wonderful your children are.
Well maybe her brain must not be functioning correctly. You should give her recommendations’ of where she can get that fixed. Or let me
January 8th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Welcome back. Sounds like the person you’re quoting has some social interaction issues of their own. I mean…who asks people those kinds of questions, even if they’re ignorant enough to let questions like that arise in their own minds in the first place?
Where did this person think the boys were? Mars? They were under the table. Under tables is actually a pretty interesting place to be, especially if you’re a child.
January 8th, 2008 at 7:53 pm
Publish an address and telephone number and an email address. We all have lots to say to that insensitive asshole.
I’m sorry that people are so crappy.
January 8th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
“Under the Table and Dreaming”
Isn’t that a preferred place of kids all along the spectrum?
In any event, she seems clueless and more worthy of your pity than anything else. How sad for her, really.
January 8th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
I’ve actually gotten the “Do you think it was your age that caused it?” question, too.
Your boys always sound as if they are more “there” than the average kids to me. Your so-called friend is definitely in no position to judge about “there-ness”!
January 8th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
I can’t believe someone actually said that to you to your face. There are some pretty crappy ignorant people out there huh? You know you’re an awesome mom and your boys (all your children) are so lucky to have you!
Welcome back.
January 8th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Grrr. If I ever see that person, I’ll punch her. Hard.
Your kids are lovely.
And I agree with Emily that under the table is a pretty interesting place to be; it’s one of my favourite places.
January 8th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
I cannot believe anyone could be that crass and continue blathering on with that garbage.
I’m floored.
January 8th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
I cannot believe anyone could be that crass and continue blathering on with that garbage.
I’m floored.
January 8th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
[...] children (blood relations or not; there’s more to parenting than DNA). Maddy just had one of Those Very Bad Days. This post is dedicated to her, and to everyone else who has been such situations. You don’t [...]
January 8th, 2008 at 10:01 pm
Go visit the rest of this post, just for You:
Don’t Mess With Mom.
Don’t go saying dumb-ass, idiotic, rude, uncaring, insensitive, presumptive, judgmental things about our children …
… because then we have the lovely image of the fabulously wicked female mantis, who after sitting perched in her pose of Absolutely Shocked bug-eyed stillness, will — in a flash — reach out with her raptorial forelegs to grab the intruder and BITE THE HEAD OFF.
There. Much better now.
January 8th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
Okay, I haven’t read the other comments yet, but I’m furious and I hope you were, too.
I will also say that I hope this other person (?) has never reproduced, because they obviously DON’T. GET. IT. AT. ALL.
January 9th, 2008 at 12:56 am
Damn…
I say acquaintance is MUCH too good a word.
January 9th, 2008 at 2:30 am
Welcome back! We missed you!
I can believe it! People just dont realise what they are saying sometimes.
January 9th, 2008 at 2:52 am
Ever feel like you want to smack someone in the face… oh, sorry, maybe a bit harsh (not)…
Welcome back – you’ve been greatly missed!!!
January 9th, 2008 at 4:52 am
Welcome back. You’ve definately been missed. I’ve had conversations like that. Oddly enough I find they’re normally people with children of their own who would be scared to death to be in our situations. I get very angry but I’ve worked out a response that makes me feel better. I’m sorry you had to deal with that though, especially on holiday, that really sucks. I’d love to hear about the wedding if you ever have the time and inclination. My boys are supposed to be “in” one this summer and I’m not exactly sure…
January 9th, 2008 at 5:48 am
I’m with those that think aquaintance it too kind.
Takes all kinds I guess.
Sheri
January 9th, 2008 at 6:09 am
unbelievably insensitive and completely assinine. count me as one who thinks this person should be demoted well below the rank of acquaintance.
January 9th, 2008 at 8:54 am
That is absolutely unbelievable, horrible, and untrue. What a hideous thing to say.
January 9th, 2008 at 9:28 am
OMG!!!!!
I would have punched the person in the face!
January 9th, 2008 at 10:04 am
How about ‘friendship cools to someone whose ass I have kicked repeatedly and left in the ditch’ What a thoughtless comment, I am truly sorry that you had to hear it.
January 9th, 2008 at 11:15 am
Let’s see. “Noone would ever choose to have… you know…”
No, I don’t know. Here are a few things I would not choose to have…
-Closed minded, rude friends who disrespect my children.
…wait, I said a few. But no, that one pretty much covers it…
January 9th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I like Lisa’s comment above.
Wow! She actually said you needed cosmetic surgery?!? Go get your boobs hoisted into the air, then steal her husband.
January 9th, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Oh, wow. I don’t think I could ever speak to that person again. Sending a hug your way.
January 9th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I do wonder sometimes if any of my friends would THINK like your ex-friend does, but they’d never actually SAY those things, which are beyond rude and unacceptable.
January 9th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Cripes.
January 9th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Wow…just…wow. I wouldn’t even claim her as an acquaintance…
January 10th, 2008 at 5:10 am
So sorry — as a father of a splendid autistic child — I hope no one ever will say something like that to me or my wife. I could kill.
January 10th, 2008 at 4:53 pm
I can appreciate bluntness and honesty in a relationship but hells bells must be ringing when this one was talking…I suppose she and all hers are so PERFECT! ***rolling my eyes to the heavens*** I have two kids and they are different in many wonderful and amazing ways. God gifts us with greater gifts because we KNOW how extremely precious they are and WE are the lucky ones. She missed/misses out in more ways than one!!!!
January 10th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
This exchange was unbelievable! I am sure I have no new outrage to add, but lordy me, I’d say the friendship has far more than cooled, how about frozen over.
January 10th, 2008 at 8:06 pm
Maddy, welcome home…back to the land of those who love and appreciate you and your kids EXACTLY AS YOU ARE!
Geez…she must be related to my mother-in-law on her bad days. I would have tossed my drink over her head and kicked the crap out of her…but that’s just the scrappy little Italian-American in me!
January 10th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
i think acquaintance is being overly generous to this monster! tell us where he/she lives and we’ll give round up a few wild kids and pop round for a party!
January 11th, 2008 at 9:04 am
Glad to have you back. I don’t wirte much but always enjoy your posts. I think you have great children….That lady is….well I could say a lot of not so nice things….but I won’t.
January 11th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
P.S. If she’s an example of someone who is “really there” (in yo’ face!) then I’ll cast my lot with those who are “not quite there”.
andrea, who’s been accused of “being off in your own little world” plenty of times
January 11th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
This makes me want to cry. Some people just don’t understand. If they took the time to get to know these people – these wonderful, valuable people – what a blessing it would be to them.
I used to flip when people would ask me if my brother would ever get better. “Better? He’s not sick! Who’s better than Scotty?”
January 12th, 2008 at 9:03 am
It’s admirable that you’re even keeping her as an acquaintance. I don’t think I would be big enough to do so after a conversation like that.
January 14th, 2008 at 11:15 am
well, everyone here is a little to proper…
What a whacked up bitch!
*sigh* ignorance is learned (haha… oxymoron) and not breed.