The Curse of Socks
On the first day of term, on the first day of school I was destined for an afterlife in heaven. This was directly due to my snowy white, knee length socks. Each was secured in place with a thick elastic garter above the calf that cut off all blood circulation. The cuff was neatly turned now with perfect symmetry. It is a well know fact that one’s personal appearance in the neat, tidy and clean department, has a direct correlation with the condition of your soul, or so I was led to believe.
The second week at school showed that I was winging my way to a completely different destination. This was due to my inability to keep my immaculate socks free from grass stains and dirt. Their general grubbiness could not be eradicated by my inadequate hand laundering skills in cold water with the aid of a bar of yellow soap. The flames of everlasting hell and damnation licked at the toes of my grey cotton foot coverings. I prayed for salvation, with the sincerity of a Tibetan monk, for the chance to languish in Limbo instead.
As luck would have it, I grew up and left school, never again to be troubled by socks, free from the burden of associated guilt, or at least for a few decades.
A few decades later I was presented with a sock dilemma in an entirely new magnitude.
One of the great benefits of being an adult, is that you can force smaller people to do your bidding. A baby or toddler can tug at their socks but their fine motor skills aren’t quite up to the job of removal. As their skills or possibly determination, grows, they may well manage to rid themselves of their hateful socks, but as the parent, I can gather them up and ram them back on again. No matter if they scream in protest, because I, the adult, know what is best for them, because that’s what being a parent is all about.
Much, much later, and after a couple of diagnoses here and there, I learn a few remarkable new facts, things like tactile defensiveness, sensory integration and learning life skills, whatever those might be. Now I have an even greater problem. No only do I have to stop myself from efficiently dressing my children, but I also have to teach them how to do it for themselves. How do you go about teaching someone to do something that they don’t want to do, that they have no interest in achieving?
The obvious answer is to hire an expert to do the teaching, but for many a family that option is not possible, either due to unavailability, or worse still, inadequate financial resources. On the whole, experts are kindly people, full of all manner of ludicrous suggestions to get you started on the right track, but other than that, you’re on your own.
It is tempting to sink to the lowest common denominator, just like my children. Who needs socks anyway? Can’t we just skip the whole sock thing? Is it really that important in the great scheme of things? There is of course the issue of shoes too, and no-one will ever wear shoes until their little tootsies are first protected by a layer of socks. Do we really need shoes? Can’t we just step over the shoe issue, we’re in California afterall, the centre of casual attire. At the current stage of development, no-one wants to leave the house in any case. You only need shoes if you are outside surely? There again, I should be tackling the ‘outside’ issue too. Why are there so many competing issues? Why can’t we address them one at a time? Why is everything overlapping and interlocking? My explanations sound more and more like excuses, as the simplest of excursions becomes impossible:-
“I’ll meet you in the coffee shop at ten?”
“Can’t go to the coffee shop as the smell makes him barf.”
“Excuse me?”
“In any case I can’t take them anywhere if they don’t have shoes and socks on.”
“What?”
“I’ll never be able to get them all dressed by 9:30 and I’ll never be able to get them in the car as that’s a transition they hate.”
“Transition?”
“I’ll never be able to find the coffee shop as my brain will be fried by the volume of screaming.”
“Screaming?”
I makes no sense without direction experience, or some variation on a theme. It sounds feeble, inadequate and pathetic even to my own ears, but the explanations take too long and are of no interest. Suddenly I am disqualified from the status of ‘friend.’ Instead I become a neurotic, obsessed with children. The only logical conclusion is that I suffer from a serious, delusional personality disorder, or maybe Munchausen by proxy. If you also find yourself friendless overnight, take comfort in the knowledge that the time you spend with those under your care, ensures that they will blossom and bloom, which brings with it, an entirely new insight into the human condition.
It is important to remember that these are not the selfless acts of a martyred mother but an investment in your own future. Next life skill to learn? How to push ancient mother in her bath chair, preferably avoid the cliff path.
I think I may posit with a certain degree of accuracy that ’socks on’ would probably mean that the rest of the clothing might prove superfluous.
Now would that really be an improvement?
January 15th, 2008 at 12:40 am
Thankfully sandals are accepted year round in AZ. And since my own personal motto is “If it’s not snowing, I’m wearing sandals,” why should I set a different standard for him. You can read my post from today on how we accomplished getting him to wear NEW sandals/shoes. Still haven’t tackled socks.
January 15th, 2008 at 1:12 am
As soon as it got colder here we had weeks worth of battles over the issue of warm clothing. She froze her rear off for weeks before finally agreeing to wear appropriate (i.e. long-sleeved) clothing, but we came up with a compromise that worked. Out of the house she had to wear “long clothes” (and we’re even up to a long-sleeved t-shirt under a sweatshirt now! And a jacket! And even gloves!), but at home she gets to wear “short clothes” if she likes, or for that matter run around in just underwear if she wants. It’s only this week that the weather is frickin’ freezing that she’s actually keeping her warm clothes on at home instead of changing into ridiculous things like sleeveless cotton sundresses. I’ve been keeping the house warmer than usual to ensure she doesn’t get hypothermia, and I shudder to think what my next electric bill is going to look like! Giving her control over her inside wardrobe has made her a lot more accepting of the requirements for her outside wardrobe.
January 15th, 2008 at 2:29 am
This is me! I completely understand this post! LOL.
I am obsesed with the kids wearing socks at all times. Noddy is in complete agreement with this. Noddys socks must come to a certain place on the calf and be half way between on and off. They must have grey color on the bottom-must! However Junior likes eating the lint from the inside of the socks and between his toes YUCK!
January 15th, 2008 at 2:37 am
Experts are kindly people, full of all manner of ludicrous suggestions.
You got that so right!!
January 15th, 2008 at 2:48 am
It’s winter, you need a sweeatshirt or you’ll be cold, and we don’t wear shorts out when it’s cold except for sportclub. It’s summer, you’re going to be too hot with that coat on. Mine are not battles about socks, but appropriate clothing…and brushing our teeth…oh, that’s the big battle in our home. And after spending over $1000 in the past 3 months on the dentist, yes, it is a necessary battle. But it’s just not working over here. And friends? Oh, if they could only begin to understand. And that’s why when it’s Wed afternoon and playdates are made, I often tell Jari no…Kaeden will also be home and that adjustment is soemtimes just too trying for him. He loves the playmates, but not the competition between 3. Fair for my lil guy? No, but what about autism is fair?
January 15th, 2008 at 3:11 am
I hate socks and shoes. I find it much easier to balance when I can feel the floor. Also, I hate my feet being restricted.
As for dressing appropriately, I find that difficult. I wear whatever is comfortable, not what I’m meant to. I’m also the person who goes shopping in Asda in their pyjamas.
Humm… and I’m meant to be convincing professionals I’m capable of looking after a small human being. Oh help…
January 15th, 2008 at 3:11 am
I hate socks and shoes. I find it much easier to balance when I can feel the floor. Also, I hate my feet being restricted.
As for dressing appropriately, I find that difficult. I wear whatever is comfortable, not what I’m meant to. I’m also the person who goes shopping in Asda in their pyjamas.
Humm… and I’m meant to be convincing professionals I’m capable of looking after a small human being. Oh help…
January 15th, 2008 at 3:40 am
I had forgotten all about limbo.. hehehehe I always imagined it as some grey place where you just sort of floated about.. now purgatory well that was a smoky place of horrors.. Oh dear Maddy the nuns did us a great disservice.. *sigh*
cheers Kim
January 15th, 2008 at 3:49 am
Now, I think this little saying applies here. I was once was told that friends are like socks. You lose one, gain another, and they never match…but they are yours.
I kinda think that really fits with this blog posting…if ever one did fit with talking about tactile defensiveness.
January 15th, 2008 at 4:19 am
Yep, this is my house too…
We gave up on socks about 8 months ago – thongs are the standard, except for preschool where open sandals were the minimum requirement for foot coverings.
School (that begins in 2 weeks here in Aus) will be a different battle altogether… but at least we have about 3 months before we have to negotiate out of the sandals and into closed shoes… maybe we’ll just sweet talk the school into sandals year round…
January 15th, 2008 at 4:59 am
*wears his socks inside out due to increased comfort level but refuses to tell people that and instead tells them to watch Finding Forrester to learn why*
January 15th, 2008 at 6:21 am
Then the problem becomes after a winter of socks…. how do you get them to take them off in the summer time….
S
January 15th, 2008 at 6:41 am
At the moment we are blessed that as long as there are shoes on over the socks the socks stay on. Remove the shoes and the socks mysteriously fly off and are hidden from sight.
January 15th, 2008 at 6:56 am
well, if i lived a driveable distance i’d say, ‘ok, what time shall i bring tea and snack to you instead of going out?’ then upon arrival i would remove my own shoes…i’m not fond of them myself.
January 15th, 2008 at 7:02 am
J has never minded wearing socks but they have to put on in a certain order or he freaks. Right foot sock first then left. Then there’s the fact that by the time he gets into pajamas he’s missing one and has no idea where it is. At least twice a month I’m buying him new socks. I wish there was some weay to put tracking devices on them.
January 15th, 2008 at 7:02 am
Whilst socks have never been an issue, shoes have been. I once bought Rosie a pair of sandals that were never worn because she would start screaming and crying if she even saw them.
January 15th, 2008 at 7:05 am
A lot of friends lost here because of stuff like that. The explaining…oi! Patrick is most comfy in his underwear. Sleeps in them. Plays in them. But, thankfully, is willing to dress to go to school. Strips down as soon as he gets home but, hey, I’m not fussed about it.
January 15th, 2008 at 7:35 am
I think toes should be free! Boo to socks!
January 15th, 2008 at 8:44 am
Bubba used to hate his shoes on, specifically his right one (or was it his left?). Moosie hates having his shoes off.
Bubba used to be a tactile-defensive toddler, now he can have clothes twisted around body parts and stuffed up others, food all over his face, stuff crusted up in between his fingers, and he doesn’t notice how it feels (or looks).
He mastered putting on his own socks at 7. By mastered, I mean he figured out how to get a piece of material on his feet. They don’t match, they’re twisted and inside out. He looks like a bear cub trying to spear fish as his foot stabs at the sock floating shakily between two cramped hands. But over the course of nearly 8 years it happened without anyone making him learn how to do it. We all have priorities, and socks definitely weren’t one of mine or his!
January 15th, 2008 at 9:40 am
Sandals all year long here… I did finally find some socks that he will wear though – they are the ankle socks… they can’t go above the shoe and they can’t have a seam in the toe. I will bless Hanes every day for making such a sock…
January 15th, 2008 at 11:01 am
This was a brilliant bit of insight, all the way around.
And my kids are often shoeless. For no “good” reason.
January 15th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Thanks for stopping by, and heading over to Sunshine’s to post.
I’ve spent a few minutes perusing your blog, and I really enjoy it. You’re about to become a regular read. Thanks for being so candid about your family. While neither of my children has autism, I am dealing with speech delay in my daughter (she’s been in therapy for 4 years now), and have a friend whose son has Aspergers. It’s important for people to speak out, and help break down all the misconceptions.
January 15th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Oh those white socks!! My Mum eventually gave up, I was the first one at middle school to wear black socks- there was going to be trouble, but my Mum pointed out the boys were allowed to wear them, and they took less cleaning, or at least you couldn’t see the grass stains. Same can’t be said for the ret of the uniform though! Love the blog, hope your eldest is OK? Thinking of you.
January 15th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
You could complicate the issue entirely by having a sock stealing dog. DH suggested getting a plastic bin with a locking lid. I suggsted merely picking them up off the floor and putting them in the system we already have – a hamper.
DS rarely wears socks, and never wears shoes at home. He took off part of his toes earlier this year, so that convinced him to wear shoes for a time, until it healed.
I have these shoes from Timberland that are socks and shoes all in one. And machine washable. I wear those (although sometimes with socks) when it’s cold and Birkenstocks (also sometimes with socks when it’s cold, but only of the handknit variety). I suppose I am a bad role model who is headed directly for eternal damnation.
January 15th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
You’re in California—who needs socks!
Ahem—I avoid wearing them myself. Especially after discovered boots lined with sheepskin; Charlie insists on his on, and white only.
January 15th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
You’re in California—who needs socks!
Ahem—I avoid wearing them myself. Especially after discovered boots lined with sheepskin; Charlie insists on his on, and white only.
January 15th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
I’m not much fond of shoes and socks myself, as evidenced by my bare feet and there’s snow outside.
Wonder if there are any socks so COOL that they would want to wear them?
January 15th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
why don’t you invent spray-on socks?
January 15th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
We are living somewhat parallel lives. I often find TH standing naked, dressed in ONLY his socks, wondering what he’s supposed to put on next (perhaps our lives are actually anti-parellel). Or else he’s put his underpants on over his pajamas. These are daily struggles.
January 15th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
I’m just happy to get a nappy / diaper on and for my daughter to keep it on. Socks are a whole extra level of evil.
January 15th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
i have said for many a year that someone who could make autistic socks would be a millionaire! at school, when all the other girls wore stocking tights, i hung onto socks. one of the racier girls asked me why. “you don’t have to pull them down when you go with a boy” i said, innocently…
January 15th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Ok, I can’t believe you endured that elastic torture as a child – ouch!
Good luck with the socks issue. I’ve finally gotten my older kids convinced to wear them – of course they’re perpetually losing one of each pair in the laundry so their willingness to comply is really a non issue. *sigh*
January 15th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Gregory loves his shoes. If you take them off his feet he will start crying.
He took his shoes off tonight because I told him he could wear his superman costume to bed if he did. So superman is asleep right now.
January 15th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
We’ve given up on socks. Crocs and sandals are favorites during warmer weather. Actually, cold weather too. Somehow I’ve been able to convince her to wear tights during the winter.
January 15th, 2008 at 8:34 pm
Funny and sharp. Suzanne Antonetta has written a good book on neurodiversity. She argues (as I’ve heard elsewhere) that there are more connectors between those of us without autism and those with, that we can imagine. So I read this and the sock limitations and think of my littlest, who cuts the seams out of his socks or he cannot bear them. They cause him excruciating duress. So do tags. So do button or snaps. Dressing his a daily adventure and unless there’s a good half hour for the changes, we will be late. He’s on nobody’s diagnostic chart, by a long shot, but he has this characteristic that defines him (for me) as much as his deep easy friendships and precocious humor. Hmmm.
January 15th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
I’m in such awe of your eloquent, entertaining writing. I know how hard it is to get 3 kids ready in the morning..all in the car, equipped with all necessary supplies for whatever outing we’re on. I can’t imagine doing it in your shoes….or socks.
January 15th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
And all I could think about was
elastic garters eh? I’d forgotten all about them.
January 15th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
I think I’ve spent more money on socks than most people. I’m desperately trying to find a pair that doesn’t feel awful on my feet. I wonder if there are toeless socks out there? The toe parts are the worst parts. But then, I’d just be bothered by the seam where the socks ended, or if they bunched up around my foot…
Yeah. I hate socks.
January 15th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Somehow socks do go on all four sets of feet at my house, but all of the socks are grayish instead of white unless, as you said it, they are brand new. The two smallest sets of feet are almost always bare in the house. Going out always takes awhile in winter. Socks, boots, coats, mittens and hats must go on first.
January 16th, 2008 at 7:13 am
Socks are so over rated! FLip flops!
January 16th, 2008 at 9:38 am
I had the opposite problem for years. My son wouldn’t take off his socks. He still won’t wear sandals or walk barefoot, except from his bed to the bathroom. It took us years to figure out what was going on – he was finally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome two years ago. He is 15… now so much makes sense, especially the tactile stuff. He doesn’t like being touched either.