Wordy Wednesday – Warts and All
I listen in, shameless ear-wigging. It's a treat for me, to hear my son volunteer information, engage in what might be described as social communication. Social communication is generally the fluff of human exchange, unnecessary, but we all do it anyway. Many would say that our lives are richer as a result. This kind of fluff is generally not the kind of chat that autistic children or adults engage in. I now understand that it's purposeless.
For years and years we have endured silence or meltdowns or functional language. Functional language is used to communicate one's needs. When babies first start to communicate, often they use single word commands such as 'juice' or 'milk.' Parents encourage their children to tack on additional words, depending upon their own priorities such as 'please.' Gradually, small sentences emerge, three words, and later more. The average child can use single words in a social context, 'look! Star!' This is social communication. The child is seeking the joint attention of someone else, inviting the someone else to share, it is not functional. My autistic children never did this, not as toddlers nor when they were older. They do now, occasionally, but it's just one of the many things that I can't take for granted.
Some children will never communicate verbally. Some children will, eventually. Many will achieve functional language because it has a purpose. Some, may surprise me by indulging in fluffy talk. Fluffy talk is hard to define but you know it when you see it or hear it.
The easiest kind of fluffy talk to recognize, is complements. I say something nice about you and you thank me or offer a complement in return, completely purposeless, for some people.
The best kind of fluffy talk sprouts into a conversation, an exchange of words, where each person takes a turn. Clever people call this reciprocal exchange. It's the exchange bit that's pivotal. If I make a statement or ask a question, and no-one responds then I might not bother to do it again. Some people, the really desperate kind of people, count the number of exchanges. They may start with just one exchange, a statement and a response. Sometimes the number of exchanges increases. It may even increase sufficiently for me to be able to categorize it as a conversation, a fluffy one with no purpose.
Six years ago I could not have imagined that there would ever be any fluffy talk around here.
“What you fink my worsted day is be?”
“Monday?”
“No.”
“Wednesday?”
“Yes.”
“Coz of therapy?”
“No.”
“But I thought you hated double therapy on Wednesday afternoons?”
“Yeah, but I am hate other fings morer.”
“What's worse than double therapy?”
“Dah wart doctor!”
Nearly nine years for fluffy talk to emerge. I sincerely hope that other people have the chance to be lucky and fluffy too.
New Post up of “Alien.”
January 29th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
The more fluff, the better—-each word worth its (fluffy) weight in gold (the real thing).
January 30th, 2008 at 2:23 am
What a joy a conversation like that must be…
Maya certainly has functional communication, and when the moon is right or the stars align or something can in fact communicate very well, but she doesn’t just sit down and have a typical conversation along the “how was your day today?” lines, and she isn’t able to talk about her feelings at all.
January 30th, 2008 at 2:37 am
I have fluss conversations with my 7yo. I hope they never stop! Oh, btw, there is something for you over at my blog.
January 30th, 2008 at 2:39 am
Fluffy talk is overrated, I think. But then I think I have a bit of the “A” m’self, and have also been drinking too much, moping and brooding and uncelebrating the results of the Florida primary election, which ended with victories for the worst candidate from each party….
“Errrrr..” (as Lurch used to say.)
Had I only changed my party affiliation from Libertarian to Republican in time, I could have voted for Fred Thompson.
No, wait…
January 30th, 2008 at 3:09 am
Umm, sorry about the “gender, number, and case” disagreement in the above comment, but, (belches) hey, this is only a comment on a blog, and so was that, and I am disappointed at the election returns here. And have been drinking.
When, when, when, will the auties who vote realize that coercive government socialism and collectivism is not in their interest?
Auties are famously idiosyncratically weird. Why do so many of us go for the collective regimentation of socialism?
Is it that some of us cannot easily detect lies told by politicians, or what?
Oh, “coercive” is the most-importantly operative word in what I wrote above.
I hate bullies. That’s why I keep a revolver. (lawfully so, in every way
January 30th, 2008 at 3:16 am
Oh, here’s the closing parenthesis for my comment above:
)
Very sorry, there seems to be some kind of a bug here somewhere..
January 30th, 2008 at 3:51 am
Fluffy talk, love the term! And yes i know what you mean.
As you know my son dosnt speak, so its lovely to hear your childrens conversations, fluffy or otherwise!!
January 30th, 2008 at 3:54 am
Hooray for the fluff. It’s those kinds of things that help make all the challenges a bit easier to take on.
January 30th, 2008 at 5:06 am
*feels as though he and his boy talk fairly well both fluffy and non-fluffy, but sends him an occasional letter or postcard, so the boy has proof…in writing…he is loved*
*has time set aside called “Talk Time” where all electronic devices are to be ignored to make room for nothing but talk (and snacks if need be)*
*sings to self “I like big fluff and I cannot lie, those other bloggers can’t deny…I LIKE BIG FLUFF!”*
*cringes at own voice*
January 30th, 2008 at 6:45 am
Fluffy talk is never overrated. Hurray for fluffy talk!
Love the pic!
January 30th, 2008 at 6:54 am
I love this notion of what the worsted day be. Mine casually (yeah, casually!?) asked me if I knew where a neighboring town was. (??)
oh, it turns out there’s a toy store there and he caught wind of it.
let the fluffy begin!
January 30th, 2008 at 7:09 am
Just wait… then you’ll have the kind of conversation I had this morning with my 8yr old and wonder “I taught him to talk b/c??”
8yr old going on about the buses coming/not coming…. rambling.
Mom “you didn’t listen, did you. What were you told”.
8yr old – more disjointed anxiety conversation about getting to school and picking him up.
Mom “You’re mouth is flapping again, you need to think… what were you told”.
And they claim his verbal skills fall within the “normal” range
As long as his routines aren’t out and anxiety isn’t in 
The teaching never stops. Enjoy the fluffies. I am still waiting to hear it from my 6yr old.
Sheri
January 30th, 2008 at 7:09 am
So happy for your fluff! I get bits and pieces of fluff here and there, but nothing more than a word or two. A whole fluffy conversation is something to celebrate!
January 30th, 2008 at 7:12 am
Haha. As Shakespeare once said, “Words, words, words.”
January 30th, 2008 at 8:17 am
As always, thank you for these pieces of your life that you so poignantly share….and it sounds like your bread-making endeavor was a success?
January 30th, 2008 at 8:19 am
very good conversation and interesting post. I liked this one quite a bit.
January 30th, 2008 at 8:26 am
For us the fluff talk definitely took us off guard. Now, it’s not always spontaneous, but sometimes we can initiate it and it goes on for a while, better than head nodding… so that’s awesome.
wart doctor? yeah, I wouldn’t like that either.
January 30th, 2008 at 8:52 am
The word “wart” inevitably brings to mind Flanders and Swann’s “The Warthog Song.”
January 30th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Oh what a wonderful fluffy conversation.
January 30th, 2008 at 9:15 am
I’m looking forward to the day when we might get some of our own “fluffy talk” around here!
January 30th, 2008 at 9:20 am
I absoultely suck at fluffy talk. I think I should take notes from your little guy!
January 30th, 2008 at 10:38 am
awww some things are just worth waiting for eh?
January 30th, 2008 at 10:45 am
This post leaves me happy and sad all at once. Happy and hopeful for the fluffy talk you got (LOL). So I’ll stick to that. Because all you write makes your children, all of them, wonderful as they are (warts or not).
January 30th, 2008 at 11:30 am
Oh, I love “fluffy talk” so much…I find myself NOT correcting my youngest…more often, than not. I love reading conversations with your little guy!
January 30th, 2008 at 11:32 am
Great post. Happy WW
January 30th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
he’s right…dah wart doctor is worse
January 30th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
Wart Doctor must be pretty bad.
Maddy,
I could not find your email address on this site. Please email me I have a questions for you. batmeaks@earthlink.net
January 30th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Ugh. The wart doctor. I had the unfortunate experience to go through that as a child. Thank goodness my children don’t yet have to.
That doc must be baaaaaad. I can’t wait for fluffy talk.
January 30th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I’m looking forward to fluffy talk! I’m glad you got some for yourself
January 30th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
Dah wart doctor?
He must be bad.
It is SO blasted cold here. I can feel it especially against the walls. When you feel the warmth of the sun on your face tomorrow, think of us in the Midwest.
January 31st, 2008 at 2:33 pm
Love it! Wishing you lots of fluffy talk with your boys.
February 1st, 2008 at 7:34 pm
love love love the fluffy talk! I hope Noah gets there someday!