Give a little
There are two types of person on the planet, the typical and the atypical. The typical person, such as myself, ensures that everything is done ahead of time. The atypical person does everything at the last possible moment. The typical person has a list of tasks to accomplish and does the most horrid ones first, to get them out of the way. Atypical persons have their own bizarre set of rules that make no sense whatsoever.
With this in mind I have a rethink of the current homework policy, do it now, do it first, get it over and done with, because it is the most horrid. Next, the less horrible chores of making their packed lunch and choosing their clothes for the following day. Collectively, these three tasks consume every painful waking moment from the end of school until electronics time at 5:30 p.m. The lure or bribe, of electronics time, is the motivator. They must achieve electronics, so that I have thirty minutes to clear up and produce supper, otherwise the next two hour block of time before bed will be disrupted with dire consequences for all, especially me.
Many wise parents know that homework, after a long day of school is plain bad management. Everyone who returns from work or school, needs a little time to cool off, or chill as we Americans say.
This is why I know that I am frosty, frozen in the paralysis of my own way of doing things, a way that doesn't work for my children. I examine the facts. Both my brother and my eldest daughter are so atypical as to be worthy of the title procrastinators. Burners of the mid night oil, they claim that it is only when they're up to the wire that they win the race, due to the adrenalin rush.
Poppycock clearly.
The mere possibility that we shall fail to complete what we need to complete, within the designated time, is enough to give me palpitations. I must acknowledge the unwelcome truth, that I have morphed into a control freak of the worst order. How I envy those relaxed parents, the horizontal ones, who glide through their day and help their children surf to safety. How come I dipped out of the 'surfing' gene? When did I change from the 'we'll get there eventually' type, into the 'we've missed the boat' type?
…………….
My daughter has gone to do her homework and then play, with her pal. Now is the ideal opportunity, with only two of them to manage.
I make my announcement as to the temporary rule change, that will be subject to change if it doesn't work.
I watch them play whilst I riffle through their homework files. I read every page and clarify who is expected to do what, when and how? I ponder over the bits that are unclear, until they become clear. I determine that maybe, just maybe, I am now better prepared to single handedly guide them through their different homeworks.
I dither. Which would be worse or better? Constantly reminding them of the sands of time that are running out, so that homework time doesn't arrive as a shock, or say nothing and let them enjoy their play time trouble free? When does constant reminding and reassuring become nagging? I decide to split the difference. Fist hour nothing. Second hour shows the visual timer on count down, not stapled to their bodies but over to the side, within radar range.
At five o'clock I haul them in. 30 minutes for homework and two chores.
He's off to a flying start, head down with lots of rapid pencil movements. His little brother makes rooster noises but he is at least in position, at the table, pencil in hand. 3 work sheets later he's off, charging up the stairs to gather clothes. This visual cue, the departure, sends his little brother into greater volume, rooster squalking mode, but his hand starts scribbling.
He returns and bowls into the kitchen, dumps his clothes vaguely in the designated area and starts the long business of choosing which squeezy yoghourt to favour for his lunch. The rooster changes to barking as the last ten minutes show in red. “I am be trick time!” he bellows as he flips it forward another 15 minutes. I ignore this deviation and haul him along for the next few lines. He hurls the pencil aside like a hot poker on the last period and catapaults upstairs with me close at his heels. He wrenches clothes from hangers, bundles them up and racing back downstairs. We leap around the kitchen lobbing foodstuffs into the general area of his lunch bag. As the last minute clicks off, both boys explode into the family room to pick up electronics.
I drag out the ledger, the heavy tome that I store in a zipped compartment of my brain just behind my right ear, to make my calculations. On the down side there is scappily completed homework, a wild assortment of random food items and mis-matched heaped clothes. On the upside we have skipped two hours of misery and have achieved, oh wonder of wonders, task completion. In the interests of fairness I have to weight the latter considerably. Overall, I would have to concede that this backwards result, falls on the positive outcome side of the book of life.
The bell rings.
I stagger to the door where my daughter stands with a face like a wet weekend. “I couldn't do my homework coz I didn't have any markers, cun you help me, pleazzzz, it's gonna take forever.”
Rats! My scheme has failed. The evening routine is in tatters, as is the end of life as we know it.
I suspect we shall be on take out tonight. Positive reinforcement for mummies at least.
February 7th, 2008 at 11:59 pm
Congrats on the backwards thinking. J can not function after school with out his down time. We vary between 10 minutes of computer or 22 minutes of T.V. depending on whether he needs to eat and how badly he needs a nap. He doesn’t have homework yet but I guess I am setting an early precedent for it doesn’t have to be done when we walk in the door. I too am a midnight oil burner.
February 8th, 2008 at 12:04 am
Once I planned in advance now I calculate almost to the minute if I can make it down the highway to get ot my 9.30 am class just in time. I still choose the clothes or it would be dark blue pants and a dark blue shirt every day—–you all got some exercise in, mayhap?
February 8th, 2008 at 4:47 am
They get home around 3:35. We have bathroom, snacks and tv and start by about 4 to 4:10. It’s extremely annoying b/c the elder needs more attention than the little one YET, is more independant… My little one gets such a shaft… but we’ll keep plodding along.
We’re done by 4:30 (eldest 5 on a grammar night.. uses the computer to write out his work.. don’t ask what happens if he has to print it and I make him do it again… shudders!!!!) and supper at 5:30.
Now.. that sounds good but it took us until Nov to get the routine down (Mom took the longest… I admit
) and now everyone, even the little one, will tell you “homework time, homework time”.
With homework… I direct… I keep it as painless as possible with teaching, guiding, not doing it all, but smooth out the bumps. Otherwise it would be a nightmare.
Sheri
February 8th, 2008 at 5:04 am
*used to love him some Pinky and the Brain*
I always to get my boy talking as soon as I get him in the car in the attempt to have much of the *important* talking out of the way so that when we get home we can follow Elvis’ request of “a little less conversation, a little more action please” as we begin the routine. But nooooo. He’s forever finding those “Oh! I forgot to tell you….” subjects AFTER we get home.
*off to look for his Elvis mix CD*
February 8th, 2008 at 5:06 am
Seems to me you are “bullying” yourself. You are a fantastic mom no matter what schedule you choose.
No one knows your kids better than you do.
You constantly make the right choices for your kids. They are very unique individuals and I love reading about them. (I would also be the one at the table making rooster noises-even at my age).
Don’t be so hard on yourself Maddy. What works for you, works.
Love you and your writing.
Suzy
February 8th, 2008 at 5:12 am
Here’s to takeout … or a bowl of cereal … or whatever.
February 8th, 2008 at 5:13 am
The first rule of parenting is keep trying new ways of doing things. I think you are doing great.
February 8th, 2008 at 5:30 am
I am major procrastinator and often tell my son he can wait to do his homework. He is the one who does it right away if he feels is is easy enough.
I also think it is good to keep trying different approaches. This made me think of how my father said there are two types of people int he world, those who arrive far too early for a flight and wait around and those who barley get there in time and are constantly flustered.
Perhaps there is no perfect way only the way that works for you.
February 8th, 2008 at 6:26 am
This sounds like our day… With homeschooling we have those that battle us and those that get on it, but it makes for long days most of the week.
February 8th, 2008 at 6:52 am
Oops…..error….that should have been ‘all stay at home parents’ not ‘mummies’, slapped wrists for me!
February 8th, 2008 at 7:51 am
I have a rooster squawker here, too. He’s my oldest, though. Saints be praised, my youngest doesn’t have homework yet.
February 8th, 2008 at 7:51 am
I have a rooster squawker here, too. He’s my oldest, though. Saints be praised, my youngest doesn’t have homework yet.
February 8th, 2008 at 8:02 am
Oh dear, I see what I have to look forward to in a few years! Good luck with your new routine.
February 8th, 2008 at 8:12 am
Hi!
I guess I’m between typical and atypical and a glider – but it’s not as relaxed as you think. My kids also do this last minute thing and I’ve had to adapt to them. It’s not easy. I envy the parents like you who have it all organised and the children know where they stand.
Don’t think there’s any easy answer really. I just thank goodness it’s Friday and I don’t have to make them think about homework for a day or so…
Thanks for visiting my blog.
February 8th, 2008 at 8:15 am
Good luck, sounds like you are doing a great job of adjusting and adapting.
February 8th, 2008 at 11:54 am
I think it’s great that you are trying something new! In my mind, it worked, even if daughter didn’t finish hers. I try to stay out of homework as much as possible.
I’ve got one “I already finished it at school in my spare time,” (that one’s most like me), one “I like to do it as soon as I get home,” and one “I’ll do it at the very last possible second.” The last one drives me crazy, but he gets all As, so I guess that’s just the way he works…
February 8th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Here’s my take on the homework thing:
the most important thing for kids of elementary school age is that they get to be kids. Playtime is way more important than homework.
So, they get to start homework after dinner. And if we don’t finish or we don’t understand something….oh, well, better luck next time.
Now when they get to middle school, then they are old enough to take responsibility for themselves. They decide which is the best system for them.
Education and homework are important but not at the expense of your sanity.
February 8th, 2008 at 3:39 pm
what you need to do is get all the literature together about how rubbish homework is for autistic people and then tell the school that you will sue them under whatever disability discrimination laws there are over there if they don’t stop setting homework and ruining your life!
it worked for us…
February 8th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
So funny…I was the worst Homework student ever….ever.
But as a mom and a wife I am DANCING on everyone else schedules…I go nuts watching my dh waste time when I know he has HUGE things on his list.
I go nuts trying to get my kids on track for whatever it is they have to do.
Me…oh..the bathroom? Yeah…what the kitchen…yeah
The kids visit to the dentist?
Yah…we will get there in a panic.
February 8th, 2008 at 5:34 pm
I am a reformed procastinator so being around procrastinators makes me a little on the antsy side. My husband is a major procrastinator and he just doesn’t get that my way is the right way,lol. At any rate, I commend you on your flexibility, I truly understand the depths of the decision making process you have undergone. I am not looking forward to the days of homework!
February 8th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
Homework sucks. Plain and simple. Add Autism to the mix and I think it is just the teachers getting back at us for leaving our angels in their charge for a few hours.
We are about to embark on the ‘more than reading’ homework with Boo this year. And I don’t wanna. OMG, how I don’t wanna!
February 9th, 2008 at 1:23 am
And yes, we mums need positive reinforcement too!
xx
February 9th, 2008 at 7:28 am
Ahhh, I’m running out the door to swim lessons but wanted to let you know I havn’t fallen off the face of the planet. You’re really tuning into your kids and that will definately work for them.
February 9th, 2008 at 7:58 am
Ah, but I miss Pinky & the Brain.
February 9th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I’d be atypical then.
I struggle with the timing of homework too. My son really isn’t settled down from school and ready to do it until nearly five, but that gives us very little time to squeeze in everything before bedtime. Sigh!
February 10th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Oh I’m just like this. Boy, does this post speak to me too. I think Suzy P is right. We need to give ourselves a break!!!!!
February 10th, 2008 at 6:09 pm
Homework was always a huge struggle here. There were many days when I was in major tears over Maizie’s homework and how behind she would get in school. This was grade K, 1 thru third! I was terrified what we had in store as the years went on. On more than one occassion I called the teacher crying. Maizie just could not complete homework after trying to survive the school day. Every night was a battle. I do not miss dealing with homework at all. If she is ever able to return to school I would pray the homework would be light. Good luck!!
February 13th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
I am typical like you … I try to get it all done right away … but I am not sure what to think about homework.