Intimidation
I remove the last of the safety devices on the last drawer in the kitchen. I can't recall how much that particular mistake cost, but I know that it was extravagant. The things I wanted to be secure such as the fridge and the oven, could not be secured.
Back then chaos ruled and nothing was secure, least of all my own brain. I knew that something was amiss but I was unable to pin down what it was, exactly or even partially?
I suspected that I had made a serious error of judgment, that I was simply too old to have three young children. Their dad worked for a start up, which roughly translates to involuntary servitude. Guilt made him indulgent.
“Of course! Get someone in to install child locks on everything and damn the cost.”
Ultimately, it was of no help, but at the time it seemed like a solid investment.
I can recall the man who came to the house quite vividly. We had lived in America for about 6 years. Although my memory is unreliable, I don't remember meeting anyone during that time who was unfriendly. My knowledge of Americans was limited, but if he was Californian, then I was a chicken. He wandered around my house slowly with a casual air of disdain.
Usually, when someone came to fix something, the fixer would remain in one place fixing something whilst I charged around herding. This was different. I had to accompany him and give detailed instructions as to what was to be secured and what did not. He ran his finger over every surface and looked in every door and drawer with distaste and impatience.
I had never met an unfriendly American, nor had I ever invited such a person into my home. I tried to hold an intelligent conversation with him, over the din of my very loud and wild children. I carried one or other of them alternately. If I was the sun, then my planets were in close orbit at all times. His disapproval was palpable.
As I hauled the children upstairs they wailed all the more loudly. My explanation “we don’t tend to go upstairs during the day time,” sounded ludicrous even to my own ears.
“Whadaya want a gate for then?” he sneered.
“So that they can’t escape at night time,” seemed equally bizarre.
As he left, his passing shot was, “I'll send the estimate in the mail, but nothing will secure your kids more than good parenting.”
I was mortified and chastised in one icy breath.
But that was then, and this is now. I put all the locks in a bag together with their screws and fitments, enough to secure Fort Knox, nearly all of them broken as my son approaches.
“What you are do?”
“Just taking off the old baby locks dear.”
“We dun be needen em no more?”
“Nope, I think we’re safe enough, just as we are.”
February 21st, 2008 at 12:08 am
I think we had that same childproofing guy come to our house!
February 21st, 2008 at 12:13 am
I think you deserve a reward for not throwing that idiot out right on his behind! Preferably into a pile of dog excrement.
February 21st, 2008 at 1:19 am
No child locks! Progress indeed!
February 21st, 2008 at 1:43 am
Hey! That is great that you could get rid of the last one.
As for the rude guy? I would have kicked him out. Or not paid his bill.
February 21st, 2008 at 1:56 am
Ha ha, we finally took down the stair gates, the deck gate, the locks on all the lower windows etc… FREEDOM! I can move around my house without having to climb over or unlock ANYTHING… it’s bliss … and it’s taken 29 bloody years!!!!! Now all I have to do is hope no grandbabies come to visit! yikes, better keep them just in case! I know how you feel, oh believe me I do! As for the ‘man’… what a nasty piece of work he was eh?
February 21st, 2008 at 4:04 am
You must feel so free.
February 21st, 2008 at 4:18 am
Child-proofed drawers and cupboards are very annoying. The kids only try them once or twice but we adults open and close them on a daily basis.
That man should not have been employed in any job where he had to deal with people.
February 21st, 2008 at 5:00 am
I never felt so free as when we finally removed the last of the child safety devices from our home. My youngest is nine and I occasionally wonder if it was premature.
That guy? I have enormous respect for the fact that you didn’t bitch slap him right then and there. Obviously not a parent himself.
February 21st, 2008 at 5:13 am
*still cannot open doors with those spinning child-proof thingies*
February 21st, 2008 at 6:18 am
Wow, what a clod he was! Um, maybe you should send me the non-broken bits? Could sure use something around here to contain my lone tornado of a son! Even sickness doesn’t seem to slow him down. Damn.
February 21st, 2008 at 6:25 am
My apologies for the “Ugly American” incident.
What an ass.
Love you.
Suzy
February 21st, 2008 at 6:30 am
We gave up blocking the staircase, little boy simply went over or around at 18ths. Yes, the both fell once… but that was it. They learned to respect it at that point. But it was safer to take out the stair blocker, so they didn’t hit it coming down the stairs. One thing I’ve discovered with ASD is that when the little one falls, he falls limp, so he rarely gets hurt.
Sheri
February 21st, 2008 at 6:31 am
Wow… it’s a wonder he had a business. How thoughtless of him!
February 21st, 2008 at 6:36 am
Yeah, because all the good parenting in the world keeps my boy contained. What a moron! Hope that didn’t ruin your perception, some of us Merikuns is nice peoples.
February 21st, 2008 at 6:37 am
I don’t know if you meant it this way, but I felt like when you removed the safety locks, it was like giving the guy the finger. I love it. Stupid Americans.
February 21st, 2008 at 7:11 am
i still have one on my under the sink cabinet with all the cleaning supplies, i know it’s not needed any more. but the cats like playing with it.
February 21st, 2008 at 7:20 am
congrats on unlocking the house…and i am sorry about such a rude jerk going through your home like that and then having the audacity to make a comment on your parenting. what an asshole.
February 21st, 2008 at 8:02 am
i was once told by a supermarket checkout assistant that i should put my kid on ritalin…give us this man’s address and we’ll be happy to arrange a visit!
February 21st, 2008 at 8:06 am
What a jerk that guy was. What is wrong with people? Just do your job, man, and keep the counsel to yourself.
February 21st, 2008 at 8:14 am
What a jerk! That makes my blood boil.
February 21st, 2008 at 8:15 am
We’re still in the lockdown stage here. Fortunately I had an experience that was just the opposite when we moved to MA a few months ago… The childproof/locksmith dude was incredibly kind and understanding.
Bad, bad, bad karma for your California dude…
February 21st, 2008 at 8:19 am
What a jerk.
February 21st, 2008 at 10:05 am
Wow, that guy was a jerk. I would have had a few choice words for his parenting advice.
February 21st, 2008 at 11:07 am
“had never met an unfriendly American”
i love that that is past tense.
i met them early on, so i had no illusions.
February 21st, 2008 at 12:14 pm
Mazel Tov on this important milestone!
As for the jerk… he’ll get his. Have no fear.
February 21st, 2008 at 12:22 pm
I bet you thought of him every time you looked at those locks. Congrats on getting rid of them!
February 21st, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Maddy, I apologize for the “ugly” American. Congratulations on getting rid of the baby locks!
February 21st, 2008 at 1:21 pm
Oh heck, I wanted to answer your question about tagging your entire blogroll. The only way I know how to do it is what you say on my blog. Highlight everyone and copy and Paste. Sandee of Comedy Plus knows how to put her blogroll in her post in a very easy way. Check her out…:)
February 21st, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Maddy, try this photo editor Picnik.com It looks real easy to edit photos and write on them.
February 21st, 2008 at 2:25 pm
So, the child proofing guy doesn’t like children? Hmm… makes sense to me…
February 21st, 2008 at 7:29 pm
I remember when I finally took the childlocks off things — I did feel a bit “free”. There is only one lock on one drawer now — but that is to keep the kids out of my desk drawer, not necessarily to keep them safe.
February 21st, 2008 at 8:28 pm
My 2 1/2 year old can get into anything he wants I leave one gate up and hope he respects it. He cn easily knock it down when he wants though.
Good for your freedom from those devices
February 21st, 2008 at 8:51 pm
What a jerk! Fortunately the guy who came to our old house to childproof was very friendly. Unfortunately, we are going to be starting from square 1 all over again when it comes to childproofing this house.
February 21st, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Well, I’m very glad I never invited someone like that into my home. Sheesh! I can’t bring myself to remove any of the locks.
February 21st, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Wow! You took the locks off! Good for you! And good for the kids–proud of them!
And yeah, what a jerk…
February 21st, 2008 at 10:32 pm
Never ever never had childproofing—-Charlie, for all of his fine motor issues, can undo any lock and find the key. I invested time rather in teaching him to stay on the sidewalk!
February 22nd, 2008 at 7:36 am
Congrats! De-childproofing is such a milestone. I think we just have one lock left in the bathroom where the cleaners are.
February 22nd, 2008 at 9:51 am
Geez, what an ass! The ignorance of people, the bad manners. Congrats on removing the locks.
February 22nd, 2008 at 9:57 am
I call those drive-bys. Someone who swoops in for the briefest of glimpses at your life and makes a self-righteous pronouncement. Bet he went for the rest of the day on the self-satisfaction that generated. It’s hard to let them get away with it, which is why they time it the way they do.
Pride goes before a fall. Sounds like he was riding high for one. Instant karma is when you get to witness it.
I would bet that his cheap shot at you is part of his compensation package for a miserable life.
I’ve been acquainted with your blog for about a year, by the way. I enjoy the way you write.