Superbowl Sunday, it’s certainly not cricket

 

“Go Pirates!”
“Not 'pirates' dear, 'Patriots.'”
“Oh yeah.”
“Go Gians!”
“Giants dear.”
“At least they're impartial.”
“Do we have to watch this?”
“Yes, the whole of America is watching this, it’s part of your……cultural heritage.”
“Yes…..your annual chance to feel at one with your fellow country….persons.”
“So which one is which?”
“Er….I’m not sure.”
“Hush a minute. Let’s listen to what the compere has to say.”
“Compere? I don’t think…..”
“Hush!”
“What did he say?”
“Don’t know, couldn’t understand a word of it.”
“I know, lets put the subtitles on, see if that helps.”
“Good idea.”
“It’s basically just rugby but slower right?”
“No, not really. Actually, not at all. Rugby is for men!”
“Did you actually say that out loud?”
“I did.”

“Oh I forgot you used to be a rugger….er…..play rugby.”
“When are we gonna have snacks?”
“Hush it’s hardly even started yet.”
“Who are you rootin for?”
“I don’t know yet. I’m going to wait until we see them.”
“Why?”
“I choose by colour.”
“Blue is beed my favourite.”
“Hmmm o.k. well in that case I vote for the white chaps with the red numbers.”
“Vote?”
“Giants for mom then.”
“Dah Nu England Patriots are be mine.”
“Do they come from New England?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
“If the Patriots are from New England, where are the Giants from?”
“Nu York.”
“Really?”
“Yes dat is why that are beed called dah Nu York Giants.”
“Ah. You have been paying attention.”
“Are they playing in New York? Where is the Superbowl stadium anyway?”
“Er…it Glendale.”
“How many Glendales are there? You know how it is out here, they’ll be dozens of them. Which State, exactly?”
“It be exactly in Arizona.”
“Oh that bit.”
“Not ‘bit,’ it be ‘State.'”
“Why is it dark?”
“Because it’s in Arizona.”
“Fair enough.”
“Hey dat looks like a Transformer!”
“Ooo yes, how strange.”
“Shiny, shiny, shiny.”
“Why are they lying down?”
“He hurt himself, look!”
“What are we supposed to be singing?”
“I don’t know. They don’t seem to be chanting anything.”
“Why not?”
“I’ve no idea.”
“What be ‘chant’?”
“Songs, singing.”
“Dey are been done singing.”
“No not the National Anthem…..other…..singing?”
“No singing, it be football.”
“What I don’t understand is how anyone can have a party and pay attention?”
“Well it is three hours.”
“Three hours? Are you quite sure?”
“Yes.”
“Good grief, they must be awfully fit to be able to run around for three hours.”
“They are……but they don’t actually run around for the whole three hours.”
“What do they do for the rest of the time?”
“Lie down and be hurted.”
“Hmmm.”

………….

“I’ll just put the kettle on for a pot of tea whilst Tom Petty’s playing. I thought they had Cheerleaders at half time?”
“Budweiser, Budweiser, Budweiser.”
“When are we havin our traditional snacks?”
“What are traditional snacks?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do mushroom turnovers and Vegetable Shu Mai count?”
“Must do. Bought them at Trader Joes.”
“Keep it down Dad, I’m tryin ta fink here.”
“Ooo! I wonder if that’s where the term ‘time out’ originated from?”
“Maybe?”
“They should make it part of the Citizen’s Examination.”
“What?”
“How do you play American football? If you can’t tell us then you can’t be a citizen.”
“We’d be deported.”
“Maybe we should have a party next year?”
“I don’t think anyone would come.”
“We should invite an American, some Americans. Someone who can tell us what’s going on.”
“Then they’ll definitely not come.”
We are be Americans!”

Well, in spirit, maybe? At least they won’t grow up to be rugger buggas! Perhaps I mean rutabagas?

New post up on “Alien.”

We hope to do better next year, we parents that is to say.New post up on “Alien.”

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