Wordy Wednesday – feeling blue
Ms. Wordy Wednesday pops along to say hi de ho to me.
“Cute! He draws quite well. Glad he's conquering his dislike of pencils. The paint must have been quite a challenge too.”
“Ooo you have such a good memory.”
“So that's it then?”
“Of course not.”
“Clues?”
“Title.”
“You're very curt today!”
“Ski week.”
“Ski week?”
“They're all off school for a week.”
“Skiing?”
“In my dreams!”
“So um title……..expressing feelings and emotions perhaps?”
“Very good indeed.”
“He's happy, hence the rainbow?”
“Actually that was a bit deceptive of me. I wanted to talk about depression.”
“Oh. Not exactly my field of expertise.”
“Me neither.”
“So are you feeling a bit down?”
“Not me, him.”
“Which one?”
“The little one.”
“How old is he again?”
“7.”
“7! Can you be “depressed” at 7?”
“Actually he's had periods of depression since he was about 3.”
“3? Are you sure, I mean, ….how do you know? Has he been diagnosed by a doctor?”
“No, it's just my best guess really.”
“Hmm it's not that I doubt you exactly, ……it's just that…..I've never heard of that before and………if a doctor hasn't diagnosed him then…….well…..it just seems a little unlikely………doesn't it?”
“I tend to agree with you.”
“So what makes you think he's depressed?”
“Well he went to an early intervention class when he was little for a couple of mornings a week. Sometimes, every few weeks, he became unresponsive. He sat in his chair, a rarity in itself, and just wept silent tears.”
“Ooo dear.”
“The staff would ask him what was wrong and he either wouldn't answer or just say that he was sad.”
“That is sad.”
“He'd just be all floppy.”
“Not ill perhaps?”
“Nope, nothing like that, just inert.”
“How….unusual.”
“He’d stop eating too, couldn’t even be tempted by Goldfish Crackers.”
“Really serious then!”
“And of course he became nocturnal.”
“Nocturnal?”
“Actually, not nocturnal, just awake all the time. No sleeping at any time.”
“That must have been exhausting.”
“It was a terrible worry because he’d wander around all night and I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to help him if I simply keeled over myself.”
“What did you do about it?”
“Well at first……to be honest, nothing really. I had no experience of depression and we were still trying to learn all about autism.”
“Geez.”
“I did remember that the physician who first diagnosed him said to consider medications because many autistic people suffer from depression, especially in their teenage years and had very high suicide rates.”
“He told you that then!”
“Yes, it felt like another slap in the face at the time but thinking back it helped me join the dots.”
“So how often does this happen?”
“Less frequently actually. It used to be every two or three months and last for 3 to 5 days.”
“And nowadays?”
“A few times a year few days.”
“So now he can talk more, do you get any more clues?”
“Broadly speaking, it all boils down to self esteem.”
“Self esteem! In a 7 year old!”
“I know it sounds daft, but so much of it is feelings of worthlessness.”
“Geez Maddy I don't know what to say.”
“That's o.k. I don't really know either. We just do the same for all of them, help them achieve small things that are really huge for them and make sure that they know that we understand and appreciate just how difficult some things are for them.”
“I think we should be doing that for all kids anyway.”
“How right you are.”
On a practical note, there are a few ‘techniques’ [how I hate that word!] that have proved helpful for my children. The first would be “Carol Gray’s” social stories. Mine are of a much more simple, home grown variety, but when they see cartoons of them selves in a ‘book’ where their continued failed attempts eventually end in success, this has proved a great way of giving them positive feedback and reinforcement.
Why does it work? Difficult to say, but probably a combination the following:-
1. Being a visual learner
2. We’re all ego maniacs at heart
3. We know that personalized products are a popular buy line
4. There’s nothing like tangible evidence for the doubting Thomas
5. Many people respond to one on one time
6. ……it’s fun!
February 20th, 2008 at 2:26 am
Poor little bloke. I used to use made-up stories to guide my (non-autistic) child through behavioural issues, with great success. unfortunately the poor neglected child just has to learn by example!
February 20th, 2008 at 2:30 am
“poor neglected second child”, that should be.
February 20th, 2008 at 2:59 am
Yes self esteem for our child can be a huge issue.
Wonderful rainbow painting!
February 20th, 2008 at 3:14 am
I love the way you have of describing what it’s like to live with autistic children; I think you have amazing insight and understanding… I have heard that depression is indeed very common in kids on the autistic spectrum. My Sam has many mood swings, and so does my hubby who I think is also on there somewhere! We’ve never had it quite as bad as you’re describing here, but I can truly relate to what you’ve shared. Love your pics by the way!
February 20th, 2008 at 4:36 am
Poor little guy.
February 20th, 2008 at 4:38 am
Thanks for writing this. Jack, who’s just 4, goes through what I call “dark” times. I never really thought about it as depression, but while reading this the light bulb went off.. Thanks for helping me understand more about what Jack is going through…
February 20th, 2008 at 4:47 am
Oh man, lack of sleep doesn’t help anyone.
February 20th, 2008 at 5:30 am
Lovely. Thank you for sharing, and for the advice as to how to handle it. I know from experience that childhood depression is very real, and it is wonderful for me to hear about it from a mom who is so in tune with her children. Keep up the good work.
February 20th, 2008 at 6:46 am
Wow, I didn’t know children at that age can suffer from depression. Sometimes 9yo gets a little sad, and doesn’t know why. Not often, but I’ve got to watch him, because his father suffers from depression.
BTW – What did you tag me with?
February 20th, 2008 at 7:06 am
My youngest child aslo gets depressed, and it is also related to feelings of worthlessness stemming from his ADHD and not feeling “normal”. But his situation is improving, he is beginning to have more confidence in himself and those blue periods seem to be milder and less frequent.
Your son is absoltely beautiful.
February 20th, 2008 at 7:07 am
I too know about childhood depression and anxiety first hand. We’ve been dealing with anxiety for years and my eldest is just 8.
I sent you an email.
Sheri
February 20th, 2008 at 7:43 am
Geez Maddy I don’t know what to say.
Ditto
February 20th, 2008 at 7:51 am
oh man, i feel bad for the guy. he’s got such great eyes, two of them by my count
February 20th, 2008 at 8:47 am
I can recall being depressed at 7.
February 20th, 2008 at 8:51 am
The insights you give are a real help. Our little Nephew is possibly on the Autism spectrum and I’m finding it very useful to read about your lives here! Thanks Maddy!!
February 20th, 2008 at 9:19 am
We need to start using social stories more often. I think that it would help in many different ways…
February 20th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Poor little guy. I have noticed a similar pattern with my daughter. Sending some happy thoughts your way!
February 20th, 2008 at 11:49 am
This is both heart-rending and informative. An odd but useful coupling. Love the practical tips, hate the idea of your sweet little one(s) going through that. xo
February 20th, 2008 at 11:52 am
I’ve had bouts of depression, well as far back as I can remember and low self-esteem. I don’t think I’m autistic and I don’t blame my mom.
For the most part I have less and less each year and now it’s pretty rare. Hopefully his bouts will keep decreasing too. 
February 20th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Oh, I feel for you and your son! This is familiar to me, as a child, and with my son. He used to be so sad when he was younger (4) and still goes through “dark” times. And you are so right and wise to understand what is going on and that it is linked to self esteem. It is hard to watch a child so young be so incredibly sad, but it does make sense, you know? It is an awareness of not fitting in, not being able to do what is expected, having different feelings.
He is so fortunate to have a mom who can help him during these times and always.
February 20th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
maddy, here is a post i put on eileen’s blog only yesterday:
this was really tough to read, but very moving and thought-provoking.
my son has been on prozac since he was 10. you can imagine the reactions this causes from people who don’t know what they are talking about. once when i was picking up his prescription the pharmacist loudly commented on it being heavy stuff for a child my son’s age, in front of a shop full of people.
my son is autistic so much of his distress was put down to his autism. it became clear that he was also clinically depressed when i was talking to him once about when he grew up and he calmly said that he would not, he would be dead before he was grown up. i grew up with a father who made many serious attempts at suicide so this wasn’t something i was going to take lightly.
luckily we had a really good psychiatrist who understood that children suffer from depression, and who also arranged sessions with a psychologist. it seems that 50% of people with high-functioning autism/aspergers suffer from depression. and one in ten children across the board. i read some research that showed that a lot of autistic people don’t make seratonin in the right way which would explain why the prozac works for them.
we had a change of psychiatrist when the old one left and the new one tried to reduce my son’s dose with a view to weaning him off. this was disastrous – he fell straight back into the pit. i told the psychiatrist that if she would not prescribe it i would buy it over the internet. my son is now back to health and more to the point safe from himself, but he will be on meds for the forseeable future.
sorry to ramble on but it makes me want to scream reading about your poor daughter, and also you, being treated like that by professionals.
huge hugs from over here.
February 20th, 2008 at 12:13 pm
ps- the huge hugs were for you, maddy but the formatting went mad!
February 20th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
Its still a lovely rainbow. I make lots of books with the photos of my little guys- they do love them. Movies of themselves, too.
February 20th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
That’s a beautiful picture! And the paint on his hands is delightful. Lots of imaginative play going on and a lot of creative thinking.
Crystal xx
February 20th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
The book is genius.
As is the mum.
February 20th, 2008 at 2:48 pm
It’s very sad that such a young boy has to deal with depression. I really like your idea of putting them into stories showing them being successful.
Me… An ego manic? Never.
February 20th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
My son started fluvoxamine (Luvox) at 9 years for crippling anxiety problems. I resisted meds for a long time, but nothing else worked. Luckily the fluvoxamine did work, and almost immediately. Now i feel bad for being so snotty about all the ritalin kids I was reading about 8 or 9 years ago. Judgment really goes around/comes around.
February 20th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
I certainly believe that small children can be depressed.
Especially children with heightened awareness. Everything affects them much more so.
My love to you and your little one.
Suzy
February 20th, 2008 at 5:03 pm
I’m pretty sure I’d not survive ski week. Ugh. It’s bad enough Bugaboo had a whole week off this week, for “winter break”. And then he has two weeks off for “spring break” in March. Eleven student days. ELEVEN!
Sorry for the rant. I really think Bugaboo’s issues this week are due to anxiety, mood swings and possibly depression. He doesn’t understand why he isn’t doing his usual routine.
February 20th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
life isn’t easy
February 20th, 2008 at 10:51 pm
I never heard about depression in kids with autism but I wonder if Adrian experiences that. His teachers told me he has days where he just “lays” all over the teacher aide and doesn’t want to do anything. Makes me really sad to think that he might be depressed
Pretty rainbow!!
February 20th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
I have often suspected that our 7, almost 8 year old with Autism is also bipolar. He has a lot of the symptoms.
February 21st, 2008 at 1:53 pm
I love the social stories and they do work for all you mentioned. Thanks for mentioning them with a link…I’m sure it will help others!
February 21st, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Beautiful painting! Rainbows are one of a small handful of pictures that SB chooses to draw over and over and over again.
I’m sorry to hear your little guy is feeling depressed. I see it from time to time in SB too and it’s just heartbreaking. There’s no question it plays a role in his waking up at 2:30 am and not being able to go back to sleep. Hang in there!
February 22nd, 2008 at 9:59 am
Oh, this is hard. Hard to watch a little boy be depressed. I sometimes think John might be a little bit himself. Thanks for the social stories tips.
May 5th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
I remember being depressed at 6. I realize that’s what it must have been as I look back on that time now. Things were just constantly gray and I felt like I was wandering around in a giant gray bubble.