Finely tuned communication
Broadly speaking I am outnumbered. All too frequently I make the mistake of dealing with three conversations simultaneously and lose the thread completely. Generally speaking, I find it more efficient to complete one conversation first and back track later to pick up other threads. I like to think of it as my anti-unraveling campaign.
The latest crop of ditties that the boys have acquired is rather disconcerting. What is even more disconcerting is the hilarity that accompanies each one. I find it increasingly difficult to concentrate on anything at all in the whirlpool of laughter. The fact that it is also reciprocal and infectious makes it hard to keep a straight face for more serious conversations.
“Come along now, it's time to put away your clothes.”
“Time? What time it is being?”
“Ah, time to put away clothes.”
“Subway! Eat fresh! Subway! Eat fresh! Subway! Eat fresh!” he cooes.
“You want us to put away the laundry? Why?” queries my independent pre-teen. It would appear that is someone else who is in need of a few life skills.
“Cheese is an adventure! Woe,” he announces in a breathy tone, oblivious to his sister’s strident tone.
“Well they're your clothes.”
“How much wood can a wood chuck chuck!” he giggles.
“But that's your job.” Her body language tells me all I need to know, but her brothers continue to circulate their own circuitry.
“Now I weemember. If you shout fings, you remember them still. I LIKE PIE!” he bellows, little liar that he is as he rolls back in fits of laughter.
“What's my job?”
“Innernet! Innernet! Innernet!” the robot voice still plagues us.
“Put away the laundry and other mom stuff,” the eyes roll but she spares me the ‘duh!’
“Gone fishin! Gone fishin! Gone fishin!”
“Au contraire. My job is to teach you how to put your own clothes away so that you can be independent and grown up.”
“Bet on it. Bet on it. Bet on it.” The robot sounds optimistic.
“Fine! But I don't want to be grown up and inde……….”
“Are we nearly there yet! Are we nearly there yet! Are we nearly there yet!”
“Sorry dear? What was that again? I don't think you quite finished what you wanted to say.”
“Gedda new look fur yur bedrorom!”
“Fine! I'll do it but I don't know how?”
“Eggy eggy eggy!” even though Easter is long gone.
“We'll learn how to do it together.”
“Hold dah ice! Hold dah ice! Hold dah ice!”
“Fine but whataya gonna do all day if you don't do the laundry any more? Sit on yur butt and chat to yur friends?”
Mercifully she didn't say ‘fanny’!
“Butt jokes! Get yur butt jokes here!” the list of banned words grows daily.
“What an excellent idea! I will sit on my bottom all day and learn how to use my cell phone.” 7 years after the event.
“Yur welcum! Yur welcum! Yur welcum!”
“What!” Her face is a caricature of incredulity.
“No ifs no buts no co co nuts!”
“Um……well…..I suppose I'll do everything I usually do except put away the laundry.”
“Pretty pretty shiny shiny.”
“Fine! But you don't put the laundry away now anyways. There's always at least three hampers of laundry at the top of the stairs.”
“Good fur you! Good fur you! Good fur you!”
“True but what about the other four hampers? And it's never the same laundry, it's a constant turnover around here.”
“Count dem? How many pairs of hands do you think I have? Two! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!”
“I don't believe you! You're a li………not telling the truth.”
“Gonna stab yah in the head wiv a fork!”
“I know! How about I teach you how to sort them, wash the dirty clothes, then dry them, then fold them and then you'll see how many full hampers there really are on the average day?”
“Here's to gluttony!”
“Fine! I said I'd do it alrighty.” She flounces from the room, a gesture that she’s worked to perfection over the last few weeks.
“Bring on dah rainbow……and dah weather forecast is……fine!”
March 27th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
Omigosh–I’m not sure if I was supposed to be laughing so hard while reading this, but I was : ) By the time I got to “Butt jokes! Get yur butt jokes here!†I was holding my sides!!!
March 28th, 2008 at 1:49 am
fantastic! who would change a hair on their heads? the whole ‘cure autism’ thing is a puzzle to me…
March 28th, 2008 at 3:06 am
I feel almost bad at how much I laughed at this! Your kids are just incredible. They seem to be coming on in leaps and bounds atm, you must be so proud. BG x
March 28th, 2008 at 5:46 am
Love the conversations and the background commercials, courtesy of the boys!
LMAO!!
“Subway! Eat fresh! Subway! Eat fresh! Subway! Eat fresh!â€
Love you and your family..
Suzy
March 28th, 2008 at 5:54 am
Definate giggles going on over here too. Such wonderful background music.
Enjoying the pre-teen stage much? Matthew, who’s only 8, is starting to pull some of that same attitude. I need a hair-pulling icon here.
March 28th, 2008 at 6:03 am
Oh dear. I hope I have that much patience when my boys reach that age… I suppose teenage boys aren’t going to care about wearing dirty clothes if I stop washing them.
March 28th, 2008 at 6:21 am
Oh my… I think I need to lie down after that exchange… it’s way to close to what typically goes on with the two littles and Punkin over here at the circus.
I refer to it as “Kid Waiting” when one conversation butts in on another. (As in, “Oh, just a minute, I have another call coming in…)
March 28th, 2008 at 6:42 am
Having a Mother that went through my things which in the end meant I did my own laundry…
Reminding her that by doing it herself she has more privacy, will probably get her putting her things away faster.
March 28th, 2008 at 6:51 am
oh my stars, i can so identify with the teenaged and preteen ‘what are you gonna do all day’ conversation and the huffy flouncing about. the butt jokes and the stabbing in the head with fork and the weather forecast though…i was dying.
March 28th, 2008 at 7:01 am
I’m praying now for the patience to deal with my little ones at that age.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:34 am
Is there a special way to get your kids to tidy up? I’m running out of chocolate.
Crystal xx
March 28th, 2008 at 10:51 am
I’m fairly certain my head would have exploded!!!
March 28th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
ROFLMAO! Oh, the attitude that begins to creep in…I am so not prepared for that day!
How do you keep a straight face when you are relating these anecdotes??
March 28th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Gee, no wonder you lose your thread. Apparently the way to deal with teenagers griping about chipping in with the housework is to increase the chore every time they whine. So I’ve read. Meantime, I have so much clean washing lying around needing putting away that who am I to talk?
March 29th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Well, since you haven’t yet mastered the cell-phone, I hesitate to suggest the video…but this classic exchange would make a wonderful contribution to You Tube.
Ah, the tween angst.
If I’d let “natural consequences” happen to the boys, they’d both have worn dirty smelly clothes for days, if not weeks. But Jumper Girl got the hang of doing her own laundry about in 5th grade. She had a few favorite clothing items which I refused to make a special laundry cycle for…so she learned to keep those at the top of the cleanliness cycle.
And one busy and clever woman I know exchanged her children’s dressers for cubbies that held laundry baskets. She bought different colored laundry baskets for each child. No more “putting the clothes away” — everything was kept in baskets.
March 30th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
hehehehe
But I don’t want to be grown up and inde……….â€
hehehehehe
March 30th, 2008 at 4:04 pm
My 13 year old son made a fatal mistake about three weeks ago.. He snarled at me for washing the wrong jumper..
I now don’t do his washing at all…
cheers kim xxx
March 16th, 2009 at 10:00 am
I love your site!