Truth or Dare? [Part 1]
Forty plus years ago, I would walk to and from school every day with my sister. Twenty plus years ago, I repeated this routine with my own daughter. Currently with the present crop of children, walking anywhere is not part of our routine. I decide that I need to take stock and figure out why this should be?
The easiest thing to do would be to blame my two autistic boys who have strong objections to walking. What I like about this excuse is that there is a nugget of truth in it, or rather a tiny granule. They are autistic and they don't like walking. Convenient though that is, the real truth is more inconvenient.
The first truth is that I have a genuine dislike of anything that could remotely be described as exercise. Exercise is in the 'boring' category for me. Not only is it boring, it is also generally time consuming, unproductive and expensive. Whilst I was happy to cycle to work for a decade, that actually saved commuting time, money, the planet and it was fun. Exercise bike's and their ilk, are works of the devil guaranteed to numb the brain.
The second truth is that it's really America's fault and has nothing to do with me personally at all. I am quite blame free. America is a car nation. Anywhere that you might just possibly want to visit, is inconveniently located at least one car ride away. Anywhere else that you may not be quite so interested in visiting, but have to visit, will be located at an additional, even further, car ride away. The total dominance of the car mentality means that as often as not they forget to build any sidewalks.
A few years ago, I worried that when we visited England that I would have forgotten how to walk at all. I heard on the radio that a healthy bod should take 10,000 steps a day. A huge and daunting figure. I read about how old people needed to do weight bearing exercise to increase bone density. I bought a pedometer and stuck it on my waist band after I dropped my little daughter at pre-school as I still had the boys at home.
I was too busy to read the LED screen at any angle with splotched bifocals as I staggered around the house with endless hampers of laundry and carried one or other child or sometimes both, until mid morning. I briefly parked my pair of load bearing 'excercisers' in the baby swing and play pen respectively, where they commenced their vocal protest. I took a glimpse at the little screen, gave it a little tap and noticed that it read well over 10,000. I tossed it on the kitchen counter. I didn't need to exercise, I needed a rest!
The third truth, is that I'm as guilty as the next person of taking the easy option. Even more years ago, I bought a double buggy or stroller, so that we could enjoy fresh air. We would not remain prisoners in our own home. I suspect that the fault lay in the buggy design, in that the children faced forwards whilst I pushed from behind. Maybe it was because they couldn't see me but whatever it was, the mayhem and hysteria that ensured poured icy water on my plans, and that was before the rainy season.
Only two years ago I tried. We walked from parked car to school, for an evening function. After less than ten paces they collapsed on the ground screaming like banshees, rolling on the lawn and kicking the concrete. The homeowner peeked out from behind the curtain as surely I had beaten them with a burnt stick?
Now I am faced with the reality of my sloppy ways, a collection of children completely incapable of walking more than 9 yards outside their own home. We are in dire need of remedial action. They still have no traffic sense, which means that every road is a danger. They're never going to acquire any traffic sense if they're never exposed. I decide to pose as a walker and expose my psyche to a new campaign of torture, for all of us for different reasons.
In theory it should be easy. I think of the one thing that they have continuously hated since time immemorial, car journeys. Surely this is the most obvious solution. Hate the car, then avoid it and walk! To be fair I know that it is mainly the 'transition' to the car rather than the car ride itself, but it still have a crumb of logic in there somewhere, doesn't it?
The initial campaign will be to walk home from school every day. I make a dry run. Two point two miles as a leisurely pace. 22 minutes of stroll, on my own, including traffic light pauses. As I walk I realize that we won't be able to walk on Wednesday because of double therapy. We won't be able to walk on Fridays when the triple play dates take place. 3 walks a week seems both pathetic and Herculean at the same time.
My brain flips back and forth between the two options, with little spikes of terror as I see the uneven path, the sprinklers, the trash, an infinite number of road signs to read and the occasional dog and owner. The more I walk, the more hic-cups I see both on the horizon and beneath my tatty shoes. The temperature is in the 70's in March. In a short while, it will be too hot to walk around outside during the day. I'll need to take sunglasses, baseball caps, water bottles and sunscreen. Sunscreen! Just the thought of sunscreen is enough to give me an attack of the vapours.
Which two additional adults could I bribe to accompany us? Someone to guard each little body, especially the 'easily collapsible' one and the 'likely to spin off and bolt like a fire-cracker' one. Maybe I should just tie us altogether with little bits of string, a chain gang of incomprehensible safety?
March 8th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
It’s daunting to consider. And the additional adults have to be willing to watch their charge at all times, no chatting or daydreams.
Good luck. My autistic son loves to be outside but refuses clothes of any kind. Bit of a conflict there…
March 8th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
See, I find that bizarre. B/c I’ve always just dragged them along. Kept things short, and still do depending on the outing… but have never catered to their “quirks”. Probably b/c it never registered that I should and once I got told to routine my house by the therapists and the Dev Ped said “DON’T start”… I’ve dug my heals in even more. I’ve just treated them exactly the same way I would have if they hadn’t had a dx of autism. I don’t know if that’s good or bad… but so far it’s working.
Well…. except this behavioural thing with the eldest… sigh… but I think that’s more b/c we’re missing the “I give a sh*t” gene, and have a poor ability to understand “cause and effect” and seem to have less of an understanding of “I” than I thought he should have at this stage of development. Inotherwords – we have Non-verbal learning disorder – and he’s a minature version of my brother… YIKES!!!!
Sheri
March 8th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Where there’s a walk—there’s a way.
How about this? Is there anywhere to park your car inbetween school and home? What if you first left it a half-mile (ok, a quarter-mile) from the school and walking to it was the day’s walk. Do that for a week or 10 days or so and then start leaving the car a bit farther, if that’s possible. So you don’t have to undertake the entire 2.2 miles at once but can start the walking program.
Also—however silly this might look (but we’re using to people staring at us, right?), I’d suggest bringing a small shopping cart or something with wheels. Not for ANYone to ride on but so you can put backpacks etc. on it—so one less thing to complain about (maybe).
We’re walking with you—-and you really need to live out here, as we’ve got trains and buses and subways and the works. Can’t imagine life without them!
March 8th, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I have no suggestions but I know what you mean about falling into the pattern of driving everywhere. It happens here because the winter becomes so fierce. We need to get back into walking, too. It will have to be tomorrow, as the blizzard that hit this afternoon makes it impossible to see to the road.
Best of luck.
March 8th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
I walk with my girls but only because Heidi my autistic 3yo is usually in the pram. Her neurotypical 4yo sister walks and has no problems but I couldn’t handle both of them on my own.
We live literally across the road from the shopping centre (mall?), around the corner from our early intervention centre and 2 blocks from the preschool yet I still mostly drive. Such a habit and so much easier than doing the whole, hat/sunscreen dance.
March 8th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
I love Kristina’s suggestion…brilliant! I hoe you find some middle ground that works.
March 8th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
oops..hoPe
March 8th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
This made me giggle. And it reminded me of the mom I saw at the mall today who had what resembled a doggy harness on her toddler. Yes, she was walking her daughter. And yes, I thought it looked like a decent idea. Until I remembered that my son, like yours, loves to collapse and hates straps. Then it seemed like a really, really inane idea.
March 8th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
It is hard not being able to drive. I guess it is good that blind people can’t drive.
Boy you do keep busy.
March 8th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
I put lots of thought into this dilemma. My older (NT) son is getting good at catching bolters (he’s a little over-zealous about stopping them, but he’s only four himself). It’s the jelly-legs syndrome that really stops me. I can go without a stroller with one twin and my older son, but once I’ve got both twins, it’s very hard to walk anywhere.
Did you mention once that your boys walk better with your husband? Maybe he has some tricks up his sleeve.
March 9th, 2008 at 7:15 am
I like kristina’s suggestion. I dunno, walking has usually been ok (but I’m only chasing one who bolts, while my NTish one just stays where I leave him) but for the longest time I avoided car trips because of the “in and out” situations. I never combined trips and avoided them if possible. I’ve gotten braver and we’re getting better at it though.
Perhaps a song or rhyme or something to keep their minds off the actual walking part?
March 9th, 2008 at 8:00 am
I like walking, but herding three wiggly bickering kids keeps me from doing it. It’s like herding cats.
March 9th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
You amaze me. It would be so simple to just push the thought away and continue to drive, yet you being the amazing mom you are take that thought and DO something about it. You rock.
March 9th, 2008 at 1:04 pm
Erika,
I had a ‘doggy harness’ (called ‘reins’ in England) for DD when she was little. She was so impulsive I could not trust her to walk without holding my hand, which she hated. The reins were a great compromise. She felt as though she was walking on her own, but I could stop her from darting into traffic. Other adults either thought I was being cruel, or thought it was a wonderful idea and wanted to know where I bought the.
March 9th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
My 7 year old hates going for walks as a family. He walks to and from school every day (but the school is basically just outside of our back gate so its not a long walk at all). Whenever we say its a nice day and want to take a family walk he gets upset and says that we walk around in our house all day every day, and don’t need to walk outside. His logic makes a strange kind of sense…
March 10th, 2008 at 10:54 am
The thing that has helped with the bolting is a bicycle innertube. I cut it looped it through his belt loops and I hold on to the other end. The flopping in the ground has got me stumped, plz share when you figure that one out
March 11th, 2008 at 6:05 am
Good Luck…