Curiosity slayed the feline
I set about making a few vats of carrot juice, glug a gallon or two with a Centrum chaser. I shall remain healthy if it kills me. This provides enough energy to bake a dozen muffins with the left over pulp.
Small people perseverate on the usual matters with one new addition, “not a stork, it’s an egg head!”
Ordinarily I would enquire into the source but I am far too grumpy.
It’s probably something to do with storks and babies, and I am in no mood to commence a sex education lecture to a seven year old.
I swallow another couple of Advil as I can’t afford to be wiped out by Vicodin. In an ideal world I would opt for a pout but I can only just manage a glower, which I hope is enigmatic.
Spouse has abandoned us once again, back to England. I had anticipated a ‘love, honour and obey in sickness’ phase of marriage. Especially the ‘obey’ part. I had hoped to bask in his attention and affection after my latest visit to the dental surgeon. Unfortunately he has chosen the ‘honour thy father and mother’ option, as the threat of death and taxes, clearly trumps “dental implants.”
But I can still moan about it and exercise one of my more finely honed talents. I stagger around with an ice-pack clamped to my jaw and a similarly frosty exterior.
I consider adopting a martyred air, but it’s pointless unless you have an audience. My audience is tuned out, oblivious to my delicate disposition. We continue to charge about in the 90 degree heat and I am on underwear duty, which means that everyone must be wearing some. All other garments are optional, not that I am a minimalist, more of a defeatist.
An absent father means that this is an ideal time to make unreasonable demands and throw the rule book out. Everyone is determined to check whether or not the same rules apply that have applied since their birth.
“But why do I have to flush the loo?”
“No teef cleaning rule! Why I am bed now at clock eight?”
“Not a stork, it’s an egg head!”
The troops are revolting and I have a hard time maintaining law and order with a clip board, pencil and grunting noises.
By bed time I am uncertain who is the most fatigued as we flop onto the sofa for story time.
“Shall we read to ourselves Mom?”
“@*&F^#>+ %*!”
“Do you mean yes? Jus nod yur head.”
I grab the clip board and write ‘yes please.’
“Don be listen ta her! Not a stork, it’s an egg head!”
I reach for the clip board again as I just have to know.
‘do you know where that phrase comes from?’
She reads with care and then glances back at me.
“Have yah looked in the mirror today?”
If you laugh I swear I’ll stab you with a “spork.”
Stumble it!
April 14th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Ouch! Sorry the spouse isn’t around to pamper you as you recover.
I hope the kids continue to go easy on you and that you’re feeling much better soon.
April 15th, 2008 at 4:27 am
ugh, i feel for you having to go it alone in a time like this. feel better soon. vicodin is your friend.
April 15th, 2008 at 4:46 am
I am sorry you feel so bad. I hope your husband returns safe and sound. Advil is good for pain but as stated, Vocodin is better. Are you getting to sleep at night?
April 15th, 2008 at 5:14 am
Just a little giggle? *dodges spork* Ok, Ok, I’m sorry your husband had to leave you in such a mess. Feel better soon. I hate this single parenting stuff (even if it is part time) and am considering ordering my husband to stop travelling for work.
April 15th, 2008 at 5:41 am
Hope you’re feeling better.
Hugs.
April 15th, 2008 at 6:12 am
Ugh. the husband is away again? I couldn’t survive it. I barely make it when he works until seven o’clock and the kids go to bed at eight…
April 15th, 2008 at 6:42 am
Perhaps next time you should take the trip and leave husband in charge of the kids!!
CJ xx
April 15th, 2008 at 7:28 am
ouch Maddy! feel better soon
April 15th, 2008 at 7:55 am
I hope you are feeling better soon Maddy. I’m glad you are still able to blog through this.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:09 am
He’s gotcha’!
Great visual abilities.
Love you.
Suzy
April 15th, 2008 at 8:11 am
Thinking about you lady…. Hope you have an easy week despite hubby being gone.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:33 am
Poor Maddy! (I promise I didn’t laugh, although a teensy, weensy smile might have popped up.)
April 15th, 2008 at 10:14 am
ROFL..and trying to dodge the vicious stabs of your spork!
Oh, I am sorry that you are going through this right now and your husband has the audacity to be out of town. Reminds me of how Niksdad had to travel shortly after Nik was born; Nik was still in the hospital and I couldn’t drive (c-section) yet. Thank goodness for my mother who came to stay!
Hope you feel better soon!
April 15th, 2008 at 10:39 am
“The troops are revolting…” Is that any way to talk about your children?! Hee hee!
Oh, darlin… I’m so sorry you’re not feeling well. There should be special people that AUTOMATICALLY swoop in and deal with the children for us when we’re not feeling well or dealing with the grumpies… or even when we just need a break.
Hubs is already planning one or two fun trips off on his motorcycle this summer - without the clowns and I. I am NOT looking forward to that at all.
April 15th, 2008 at 11:40 am
I will take the spork stab. OHMIGAWD that’s the FUNNIEST thing I’ve heard this week!
Your boys are so creative to debate your eggy-storki-ness with each other.
April 15th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Oh dear. I hope that heals up quick. I get the joyful exercise of being husband-less next week- for two weeks, as Allan goes on training for his new job (he got promoted). If your guy isn’t back, maybe I’ll load the guys onto a plane and come commiserate.
April 15th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
I don’t want your husband to go away so much. It upsets me! And feel free to me a martyr here. We’ll be your audience. I love that in the midst of martyrdom, it’s still hilarious.
April 15th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
[...] do you think boys?” No-one looks in my direction. I plonk myself down on the carpet, keeping my “neck” as long as possible and my “head” even further away. “What do you think of my new [...]
April 15th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Teeth again—–oh no. Keep on laughing—
April 15th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Even if it hurts!
April 16th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
[...] We have endured several nights of sleep deprivation. I nip down at hourly intervals to replace my “ice-packs” and the boys keep sneaking out of bed to stare at the blank television screen and wait for morning [...]