House of cards
House of cards
It has all gone to rack and ruin. We have endured several nights of sleep deprivation. I nip down at hourly intervals to replace my “ice-packs” and the boys keep sneaking out of bed to stare at the blank television screen and wait for morning and electronics time.
With their father “away” we have no back stop, no terminator to shoo them back into bed. It's the life of the living dead.
I leave them all upstairs tucked in and stagger down to clean up before I expire.
I am swiftly up to my armpits in washing up when it begins:-
“Mom! Mom come quick!”
“What is it dear?”
“There's a bug!”
“You're not afraid of insects.”
“No but this is a termite.”
“A termite? How do you know it's a termite?”
“Coz it's bigger than an ant.”
“Where is it?”
“On the boys' bedroom wall.”
“What were you doing in there! You're supposed to be going to sleep.”
“I can't go to sleep if we're infested with termites! Come on, come and take a look.”
I return upstairs with her. At least it's more imaginative than 'a drink of water' or 'I think I'm going to be having a nightmare.' I am ready to offer my expert opinion, calm nerves and generally ensure that everyone is asleep within the next thirty minutes before I blow a fuse.
“Ah. Let me see. No. That's definitely not a termite, it's just a big ant.”
“How do you know?”
“Because termites are at least three times as big as that and they're black.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, as apart from anything else termites don't come upstairs until they've finished in the basement. Basement is an appetizer, ground floor is the soup, first floor is the main course and pudding is up in the attic, so they've got a long way to go until they get all the way up here.”
I hope that I sound confident and convincing. Where are all the scientists when you need them? Why is their father in England rather than waxing lyrical on the subject of wildlife? Is there no end to the duties I must perform? I'm tempted to go on line and drag “Andrea” to “buzz about” over here to earn her keep. Why don't I have 'instant messaging' for such occasions? I check three pairs of liquid eyes to check whether all is well.
“Um…..is dah……are dey……are our house is be made of wood?”
“Yes indeed it is. We're in California and all houses are made of wood here.”
“Why they are being made out of wood?”
It is bedtime, sleepy time, I am definitely sleepy even if nobody else is around here. I completely refuse to be tripped into the psychological minefield of 'earthquakes.'
“They are made of wood because the Pilgrim father's only had enough bricks for three houses on the Mayflower, otherwise they would have sunk.”
“Oh.”
“Termites are vegetarians?”
“Usually but they're more than a bit partial to the odd housefly.”
“They are be eatin dah wood?”
“Only when they're run out of houseflies and you know how many flies we have around here with all those useless holey bug screens. We have enough houseflies to keep them busy until Christmas…..at least.”
“You are know…..”
“I know………what do I know?”
“If dah termites are eatin at dah bottom of dah house first….den……we are all be fallin down, poof, poof, poof!”
April 17th, 2008 at 5:22 am
LOL! I hope they all sleep well tonight Maddy!
April 17th, 2008 at 5:38 am
Termites are vegetarians? CLASSIC!
April 17th, 2008 at 6:00 am
I needed a good laugh this morning. Thanks!
April 17th, 2008 at 6:59 am
Holy moly! Very quick thinking for a completely sleep-deprived, limping mommy!
My small one is finally sleeping through the night most nights. He has been through a spate of waking again lately: waking means he’s up between around 3 and around 5:30, and usually can drift back off then. Saying as my alarm is set somewhere between 5:30 and 6:30, depending on the day, this sometimes results in being awake from 3:00 am for yours truly. Believe me, I know your pain!!
We have resorted to melatonin on occasion, even at 3:00 am. It will put him back to sleep, and though it makes waking in the morning a bit harder if he had one then, it at least results in me getting some shut eye!
Poor Maddy. I hope that fresh horses will be arriving from the road very shortly.
April 17th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
He’s right you know.
Love you.
Suzy
April 17th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
What Suzy said. I wouldn’t try that again if I were you; auties are quite logical.
Maybe, if this happens again, ask the kid to capture the insect, and we’ll look up what it might be, later, after we’ve all gone to bed, had a good night’s sleep, and woken up tomorrow.
Mayhap you could point out to the boys, at least, that Mom can be cranky if she doesn’t get her sleep. Might not work on the NT gal.
April 17th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Ahem. So who’s the big bad wolf…….
April 17th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
That is linear thinking!! What problem solving.
April 17th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
You definitely get the award for “out of the box” thinking (all while sleep-deprived!) Mommy!! Love the termites being vegetarians–great! Must be something in the air, we’re going on a month of bad sleep (after almost a year of reprieve). Guess I should be thankful for those almost 365 mostly good nights of sleep!! Here’s to a good night’s rest for you all.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Okay, the termite vs ant question is actually rather easily answered.
The adults of either one may have wings for mating and establishing a new colony; the queen then abandons the wings and after establishing housekeeping, spends the rest of her life popping out young’uns. If your insect has wings, then an ant will have a longer forewing (the one near the head) than hindwing, whereas the termite will have wings of equal length (which is why termites are in the Order Isoptera — Iso-ptera means equal wing).
Most the the ants or termites you would actually find are the workers. If she’s an ant, she will have “elbowed” (bent) antennae, and a pinched-in “wasp waist” (ants are in Order Hymenoptera, along with wasps and bees), plus an extra section before the abdomen (butt end) called the petiole (yes, the same word as the stemlet on a leaf). Termites in contrast are much more sausage-like through the thorax (chest) and abdomen.
Hopefully having that information and all those lovely terms will make Mum sound all wise as well as feeling more reassured about her own expertise. (-:
(This page is a great resource from Texas A&M with illustrations and general control information.)
andrea
April 21st, 2008 at 3:54 pm
I have to tell you that it would have been me yelling along with your kids….Your resourcefulness is a joy to behold!
Last week the barage of big black ants invaded my bathroom vanity from an outside wall! The exterminator says it came from stagnant water in my gutters!
xR
April 22nd, 2008 at 9:04 pm
How funny (though I’m sure not at the time!) You’re better than me…I would’ve freaked about the insect right along with them (as sometimes my “soundness of mind” is not superior to anyone’s).
Our precious youngest is prone to semi-annual bouts of delayed sleepiness (sometimes as late as midnight). During these exhausting periods, he will laugh and frolic about his room for hours, oblivious to any of our pleas or therapeutic interventions. After several weeks of the latest one, we bought the “best” liquid melatonin we could find, gave him the smallest possible dose (just 2 drops), and have been blessed with a full nights’ rest ever since. It must be divine intervention. I’ll be sure to keep it on hand for the next round!
Thanks again for sharing the stories of your super-adorable children! (I think I am enamored with your boys because I expect my youngest will resemble one of them at their age, and I am thrilled with that, they are too cute).