The Food Police
I am a great believer in 'isms.'
They fit neatly into my own prejudice and bias.
You could say, 'by their isms, shall ye know them.' For me, the world of food, was my own political platform, running a close second to my eco warrior existence.
I’m reminded of this when I watch a programme on BBC America, which mentions the words “aduki bean.” I immediately lose the thread of the story and whiz back in time to when I was a real cook that ate real food.
I was a follower of the 'your body is a temple' institute for the ever so slightly deranged. Those were the days where Miso soup and home made flapjacks were the order of the day. No salt, no sugar, no harmful fats. If it didn't have the word 'whole' in it, then it would never pass over the threshold into the house of pure. My kitchen was filled with bean sprouters and home made yoghourt fermenting on a pilot light. Just say ‘no’ to the contamination of British youth. I had one perfect daughter on the perfect diet.
My idea of fast food and a culinary treat would have been a handful of dried apricots, almonds or a smattering of yoghourt coated peanuts and raisins, knocked back with a glass of Lassi. Convenience food was a banana. No food was too obscure not to be tried at least once. Bombay mix and Tamari sesame seeds, quinoa and couscous, anything to tickle those taste buds. Health food store heaven.
Then, a couple of decades later, the other lot came along to rattle my silver cage and shatter my glass house. It was about the same time that I fell of my pedestal with a splat. The purity of the nutrients that my children imbibed, were of an entirely different order. My holier than thou attitudes were swept aside with one hearty tug to the table cloth and the whole food pyramid came tumbling down. After I'd swept up, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was dealing with food issues of an entirely different magnitude. The magnetic force of my culinary skills turned to rust and plans to dust. My ivory tower had been vanquished by neophobes, the most mighty of conquerors for the average middle aged mum.
It is with a heavy heart that I follow the occupational therapist’s advice. My youngest son is to be introduced to meat, in the form of little hot dog sausages. Flavourles and textureless. We have ploughed through social stories, all leading up to this momentous moment. I ensure that they are room temperature to give him the best possible chance of success. They glisten in the bowl. They do not look particularly appetizing but I am assured that this is the first step in the long road towards ‘hot dogs on the 4th of July.’
The desensitization campaign commences.
“Are you ready dear?”
“Yes.”
“So we’re going to look at it first with our eyes. Can you use your good describing words for me?”
“It is be brown and huge and it is being a wiener.”
“Excellent! How about we smell it now? What does it smell of dear?”
“It be smell like poison!”
“Hmm. How about you lick it now.”
“NO!”
“Um o.k. how about you just touch it with your finger instead.”
“I am have dah M & M if I touch?”
“Yes. Touching it would be very brave indeed!”
He extends a tremulous finger tip, the baby finger, the least sensitive of all his digits. I watch, silent as I don’t want to jinx him. As his finger tip makes contact he lets rip with a blood curdling howl and a 30 mph exit screaming “my wiener is wet!”
Maybe I should revise the campaign date? 4th July 2009 perhaps?
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:01 am
Oh poor boy, but that line made me laugh. He’d love my house where those wieners have been outlawed.
April 2nd, 2008 at 12:03 am
Oh and you might want to check out momologue.blogspot.com, as she is having a blog for autism awareness month thing you can join. Your blog would be a treasure trove of info for them to be linked to.
April 2nd, 2008 at 1:17 am
We love weiners, we call the little ones ‘cheerios’ here! Our son/grandson Griffin can eat about 12 in one meal!!! I hope your son can eat one soon!
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:28 am
Junior will eat hot dog buns…is that close?
Never a hot dog (weiner). Noddy loves them. Junior hates them…go figure.
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:46 am
Yup, we’ve fallen off that same pedestal here. (Not quite as hard a landing though, we started somewhat lower down.)
Maya used to eat things like hot dogs and eggs, sadly they all fell off the list a long time ago. We keep saying we won’t worry about the food until she’s progressing with some of the other SPD stuff, but in the meantime her diet is incredibly limited. (She did add clementines to it of her own initiative though – the first new food in probably two years, and a healthy one at that! I’m dreading the end of the season though, which is rapidly approaching.)
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:54 am
We do not do traditional hot dog .. turkey dog or veggie dogs … but I fear one that is that fearful would not like the texture.
They have come a long way … Some day when having a wiener roast you will remember this time & smile.
April 2nd, 2008 at 5:12 am
OK, I totally get what the OT is saying, but I’d still try something else, first. Of course, they are probably just thinking of “normal” kid food. Which is why we do nuggets. But healthy, organic ones. All part of the $5 diet, available now at your local health food store!
I like that he thinks it smells like poison! HA!
April 2nd, 2008 at 5:22 am
there’s a reason it smells of poison. may i ask WHY the OT thinks this qualifies as meat?
April 2nd, 2008 at 6:19 am
HOW FUNNY IS HE!!!!
“My weiner is wet”.
Did he get the M&M?
Love you
Suzy
April 2nd, 2008 at 6:38 am
I’ve never been a hot dog person.
LOL
Hhis weiner is wet and smells like poison It most definitly made me giggle.
April 2nd, 2008 at 10:04 am
You couldn’t get me eat one of those little sausage thingy’s if you PAID me. Please, please, start with something that is more like, well, food! Your son is right on about this one, wet (slimy in my opinion) and certainly smells like poison. If you ever get him to taste a bit of those things, be prepared for him to let you know they taste like cat food.
Ok, sorry for the negativity. I disagree with the OT on this one.
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:16 pm
my Little J loves hot dogs and smoked sausage, but the tiny weiners are things of disgust and elicite outrage from him.
Try something else.
If this scene in my house had happened, I would not have been able to keep from laughing.
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Oh, I love that it smells like poison! My son will look at food and scream, “It tastes bad! It tastes bad!” when honestly, I’d have a national holiday declared if he had ever in his life come close to tasting or smelling it.
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:48 pm
I feel the same way he does about those weiners LOL
April 2nd, 2008 at 3:37 pm
The part about your son made me laughed! He is funny
I like you blog.
April 2nd, 2008 at 4:55 pm
Precious, just simply precious!
April 2nd, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Thanks Maddy. Glad you stopped by. Have my fingers crossed that you find your velcro!!!
April 2nd, 2008 at 6:12 pm
ROFL! Too funny, and beautifully written! Of course, not so funny for you when you’re trying to get him to eat something . . .
My children consider hotdogs to be a delicacy because I refuse to let them have them, except on Very Special Occasions like school sports day. I have to side with your son on this one – they are poison!
The food fight of the week here was my son refusing to eat the mashed potatoes in his lunch at daycare: “But they don’t have garlic in them! I WON’T eat mashed potatoes without garlic!”
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:02 pm
*giggle*
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:02 pm
Schwan’s makes good hot dogs. They are actually almost edible. Andy loves them. I think most hot dogs have too much garlic, and are… well, ground babyfood shaped into a long, thin stick. Bad babyfood. Schwan’s are slightly better, with almost no garlic.
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Oh, my. That was good stuff. A wet weiner! Punkin LOVES hot dogs. He asks for them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He’ll eat two or three at one meal. But will he eat chicken? No. Is the OT recommending it because of the high protein and calorie content?
April 2nd, 2008 at 7:53 pm
I have to say, I am in total agreement with your son on the smell (and think it carries over to everythign about hot dogs/weiners). I suppose ifyou got the all beef variety or something it wouldn’t be too bad but…I am curious about why the OT suggested this particular “meat” first.
April 3rd, 2008 at 9:11 am
desensitization organic style? LOL. i am trying to be a health buff too. i mean in terms of what I eat. and when I say that to may officemates, they’d say health buff my rear! followed by: yeah, you use organic sugar in your organic coffee but that’s what you “eat”.
my first time in your site and your posts are pretty interesting including the graphics. I must come back. I just need to doze off a little.
thanks for the visit.
c”,) Morning Sniffles
April 4th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
[...] a waste of precious resources, squandering trees willy nilly on a whim.” “These are not “whimsical wieners,” they are part of a very carefully orchestrated desensitization campaign.” [...]
April 6th, 2008 at 5:09 am
“It be smell like poison!â€
my thoughts exactly.. wieners *shudder*
cheers Kim
April 8th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
Doesn’t the desensitization procedure encourage children to be finicky eaters? If eating a new food item is a hazardous enterprise, to be embarked upon in timid, flinching baby steps of course they’ll be grossed out.
If I put a benign edible, say, a crouton, on a plate and go through the fol-de-rol of looking, describing, touching, sniffing and licking then pretty soon that little crouton is going to seem monstrous. Anything would seem revolting under those conditions.