Out of time
I suspect that I am stuck in a time warp circa 1970. I think hard, as I need to assess if I need to recalibrate. Under what possible circumstances would my parents have taken me to the European equivalent of Build a Bear with 50 bucks in my hot little hand? They would have had to have won the Lotto! Someone must have had a near death experience! Maybe my birthday and I had behaved like an angel for 365 days! They all seem equally unlikely.
I move forward a couple of decades and re-examine the circumstances under which I would have taken my first child to such an establishment? Single parents are often short of cash. It would definitely have been a special treat or over compensation for guilt, another fringe benefit of single parenthood. I ignore the issues of the exchange rate and twenty years of inflation.
The thinking has failed to provide me with a solution.
I look at my daughter, the epitome of pleading. She was invited to a play date, which has now morphed into a visit to Build a Bear. A parental contribution was necessary last time for such an expensive treat. No-one should be expected to fork out the cash for two children for such a jaunt. I am reluctant to repeat the exercise within the same month.
“It’s very simple dear, we can’t afford it.”
“But we’re rich!”
“Yes we are. We have a house, food on the table, we can pay the bills, but $50 is too much for an afternoons entertainment.” I try not to make comparisons. It seems little enough by comparison to 50 minutes of speech therapy. I don’t belong to the ‘treat all your children the same’ club any more, not for a long time.
“$50? But I need money for the movies and snacks too.
“Movies? I thought you were going to Build A Bear?”
“And a movie.”
“All in one afternoon………it was supposed to be just a play date.”
“You said I could go! I can use my allowance if you like.”
“That doesn’t even come close dear.”
“Use your credit card.”
“Credit cards……” I decide not to disappear down a blind alley. “Your dad’s been in England for two weeks. Two weeks of not working. Two weeks without pay. So not only is there no money coming in, he also had to pay for an expensive flight, hire a car and live there for two weeks.”
“What about the money in the bank?” I had forgotten how simple life is when you are young.
I grow weary of being out smarted and out manoeuvred by ten year olds. I want her to experience a little bit of what other people consider ‘normal’ but I’m unwilling to shoulder the practical fall out. How can I equate 45 minutes of occupational therapy for two with an afternoon of frolick for one at a fraction of the cost? What is really necessary and what is extravagance?
At ten years old, I might have gone tadpoling, fished for pollywogs with an old jam jar. I’d have had some squashed sandwiches wrapped in tin foil. It would have been fun.
When my oldest daughter was ten, we would have done the same thing, but with a bigger picnic. It would have been fun.
I lift a coffee mug to my lips but resist, as a thimbleful more will make me tremble. I glance over the neatly stacked piles of Pokemon trading cards on the windowsill, at the roiling clouds through the window. I am ill equipped to tutor smallish children but I’m way out of my depth with the next developmental stage of growth. I watch the first spike of lightening whip out from the clouds and count, waiting for the clap of thunder in my brain.
Stumble it!
May 26th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
I loved paper dolls–the cheap ones sold at supermarkets and the ones my mother cut out from a folded up piece of paper for me! I’d color them in.
Charlie, maybe fortunately, has zero interest in Build a Bear. (In fact, someone gave him one; his main interest was making sure he had both bear flip flops nicely aligned somewhere on the rug; the bear, whom the givers had named Kevin, remained in his box-home.) Actually, he has practically no interest in stuffed animals (aside from the ones he used to chew on) and walks past the most popular toys.
So I’ve saved a lot of money for the therapy sessions!
May 27th, 2008 at 2:17 am
I got one for mothers day with my sons voice saying “I love you Mommy” in the noise maker thing.
So we ended up taking him back for his own.
It costs way too much to go back again till he is 10 he is 2 1/2 now.
There is so much pressure on getting and doing the same things that all the other kids are doing.
May 27th, 2008 at 5:06 am
Grandma took Milan to Build a Bear and I could not believe the prices! I am with you…it’s so wasteful.
May 27th, 2008 at 5:23 am
I wouldn’t even dare ask the child first if they wanted to go. I would come to you, mention the price and ask you first. I wouldn’t tell either child until a decision was made.
$50 for 50min of therapy?? I’m envious, it’s costs that for 30min here… but she comes to my house… and considering gas prices and the distance travelled… truth is, that’s cheap, so I’m not complaining.
May 27th, 2008 at 5:28 am
I have never heard of children being “entertained” in this manner. It is just nuts….the kids are smart as they they get their parents to do it.
What have we become but worse yet what are teaching our children? I guess if a person has a lot of money it is okay…but still wastefull and teaches a child nothing but materialism. I like tha picnic idea better.
May 27th, 2008 at 5:29 am
My son loves the computer preparation for your life with a built bear, the naming, etc, but making the bear holds no interest, and thus, we have only done it once, with many a chase into the establishment to shoo him from the consoles.
Life is so different and expensive nowadays with kids. I often am a little sad that we only have one, but considering the expense, I have to say it was one of the better decisions we’ve made all things considered!
May 27th, 2008 at 5:43 am
I struggle with this contantly. We are, I guess you’d call us minimalists. Oh, the boys have toys and stuff, but if we don’t need it we very often don’t buy it. Difficult concept to teach to children when it seems other parents want to spend money just for the sake of spending it.
May 27th, 2008 at 6:44 am
We don’t go. My children have been for a couple of birthday parties, and they got a couple of build-a-bear animals from friends (or as a hand-me-down from their granny, who got one as a present from one of her students). We don’t go. We walked through a build-a-bear yesterday, just to look, but all of my children understood that there was no way in THIS lifetime that we would be staying to participate.
With that said, there are some that are as low as $15. If you were to lay out rules for the outing as non-negotiable (to whit: you can pick out any animal that costs less than $15, you may not buy clothes, there will be no extras, etc.), you might get away with it. But I have an easier time drawing the line at “no way in H%ll.” Often, that will sideline them with reminding Mommy not to swear.
We struggle with it less than one would think, because we just don’t have the money to spend. When they were tiny, I started every time that they asked me for something saying “Maybe for your birthday.” Before long, they would start to ask, and then say “Oh I know, maybe for my birthday.” Their friends were the kind of affluent that host birthday parties for 25 kids at Build-A-Bear, or have catered pool parties at the Country Club, so a little explanation about the economics of our situation was required early on. We are armpit deep in crap, regardless!
I am of the opinion that the picnic is infinitely better for kids. What they want is that connection, really, and a “thing” isn’t going to supply it. They just don’t understand that themselves, for some reason, and the “thing” can be such a symbol of belonging at that particular age. It’s a tough one.
May 27th, 2008 at 7:05 am
i agree with you completely. and my favorite response is to the retort, “but i thought we were rich.” so true. well said, maddy.
May 27th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Ugh. Build a Bear. Can’t stand some of these parties that some of these kids have. Ridiculous indulgence. don’t get me started on the $1000 party one of the classmates had at one of those indoor playground places…while it was 70 degrees outside! ACK!
May 27th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
With something like this, whether or not we can afford it doesn’t even come into the argument for me. It’s far too much money for a playdate and very inconsiderate of the other parent to arrange this. Sorry to sound harsh, but really!
May 27th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
That is ridiculous! Maybe a movie and snacks, okay, but Build-A-Bear, forget it.
And the uneven spending…what can you do about it. My twins spent a month in the NICU, and get tons spent on therapy. Their big brother could have a boatload of toys if we have to even things out.
Hope you thought of a good way out of this one!
May 27th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
We had Stuffy Bear Factories around here. They were great- the animals were only $10=$25 if you didn’t buy any clothes. They went out of business. No Build A Bears have taken their place yet.
Movies around here are outrageous enough.
If the other parent wants to take your daughter to Build A Bear, then that parent should pay for it. Or find something else to do. Like catching pollywogs. Or hopscotch. How about an art show, where they have to make the art? That fills an afternoon fast…
June 1st, 2008 at 2:25 pm
that last paragraph sounds like your true voice - let it be heard!