A Labyrinth of Liars
I wash up and chat to their father in the kitchen at twilight when a small person appears, just before we take them all up to bed.
“Why?”
“Why what dear?”
“Why you are not?”
“Why are we not what?”
“Why you are not be wear dah pyjamas at night.”
I gulp to aid oxygen flow to my brain but spouse sniggers “because we’re British. British people don’t wear pyjamas. Pyjamas are for wimps. People from an island race never wear pyjamas.”
I am tempted to stamp on his foot or duct tape his mouth permanently closed. Where does he get this stuff from?
“Why?”
“Which bit dear?”
“Racing Island? It is be a game?”
“No, England is an island and race means……a type of people, English people, Italian people, American people……people who belong to a particular land mass.” Why did I say ‘land mass’ to a child with a speech delay?
“Island people are not wear pyjamas?”
“Er well…..”
“Exactly so,” spouts the terminator.
“Why?”
“Because island people swim a lot. You swim better if you don’t wear pyjamas.”
“Island people are be swim at night?”
“Frequently.”
“Why?”
“Just in case of fire. It there’s a fire, the best place to be is in the sea, in water.”
Not the OCD feed!
Why is he so trigger happy?
Both menfolk pause, reflective. “I am be not be wear dah pyjamas either.”
“Why?”
“Coz of dah label.”
Label? We’re completely label free around here.
“What label?”
“It be say ‘flame able!’ I am not wanna burn my butt in bed.”
I am also broadcasting on “Trusera” today with “Chickens and Eggs.”
Stumble it!
May 8th, 2008 at 12:50 am
Haha Maddy Good one! I love the reasons for not wearing pyjamas. I promise I will do the “what’s in my bag” meme today
May 8th, 2008 at 2:22 am
So you were standing in the kitchen naked…or in your bathers? lol
May 8th, 2008 at 4:45 am
lol, i think you all should do a presentation during fire prevention week on the merits of sleeping au naturel. i forgoe the pjs because i hate how they get twisted in the sheets.
May 8th, 2008 at 5:05 am
Sorry for laughing, but this one is priceless, Maddy. Burn his butt in bed, indeed.
May 8th, 2008 at 5:08 am
Oh to be a fly on the wall in YOUR house! ROFL at the “burn my butt” statement!
May 8th, 2008 at 5:14 am
LOL! I love it!
May 8th, 2008 at 5:54 am
Hee! Who can blame him? I don’t wanna burn my butt in bed, either.
May 8th, 2008 at 6:38 am
i find jammies constricting, but sleeping alone it’s ok to be naked nudey i think
May 8th, 2008 at 7:38 am
HA! That’s funny.
May 8th, 2008 at 10:13 am
I might have resorted to violence. It’s taken me some time to convince my husband not to put ideas in their heads that it will take me years to dislodge just because he thinks it’s funny.
But frankly, this is funny. Your kids kill me. I understood that not wearing underwear under one’s kilt produces strength, etc., but I didn’t realize that sleeping in the buff made one buoyant. Hmmm . . .may have to give that a try.
But might I recommend that, in case of actual FIRE, you keep a robe by the window? It’s one of my personal fears to get stuck in the altogether on my front lawn with the house burning.
May 8th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Too funny!
May 8th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
I like that explanation better than the one I got as a child, which was that pjs trapped germs close to you body — hence, I suppose all the sickly looking North Americans, in contrast with the incredibly robust Brits.
May 8th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Seems totally logical to me.
May 8th, 2008 at 3:14 pm
“burn my butt in bed”
My laughter caused two little fellas to come running in my room asking “why”.
My husband has the same tendancies…both sleeping in the buff and telling them things I wish he wouldn’t.
May 8th, 2008 at 9:49 pm
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