Personal Learning Curves
When we first arrived in California everything was fun, new and exciting. We knew that our new homeland was just like the one we left, apart from the accents. The main difference between England and America, apart from the accents, was that so many things were so hilarious. Everything was so funny. We were delighted with the stereotypes, confirmation of our prejudices. We saw them everywhere and oh how we laughed. The huge chap with the knee high white socks in open toed sandals, the plaid shorts down to his knees no less, the bigness of everything, oh what fun.
I wrote regularly to my family once a week, as the international telephone calls were too expensive. I told of our adventures in oh such a foreign land, the sprinklers that erupted to soak you unexpectedly, the six lane traffic in residential areas, the salads that were the size to feed a whole neighbourhood. My lightweight airmail letter contained a flimsy example of those mad cap Americans, a carefully folded paper toilet seat cover. What could be more hysterical? Oh what joy, but of course Brits always gravitate to scatological humour. The most joyous thing of all was that Americans didn’t realize how amusing they all were with all their funny little ways. They all thought they were perfectly normal!
We of course, knew differently.
Oh what a long time ago it all seems. As we’d wipe away the tears of mirth, it was difficult to fathom which was more funny, that Americans were funny or that they didn’t know how funny they were?
***
As we move out of Winter into Spring my son has difficulty transitioning to the changing seasons, or more specifically, the lighter clothing required when the temperature reaches the 90s. Although it’s already May, he is still clad in fleece trousers and several long sleeved T-shirts. These days I let him be. In previous years I dictated clothing. I stopped dictating short trousers when I found I was unable to prevent him from moving the shorts down to cover his ankles regardless of whatever else was exposed as a by-product.
I rush after him first thing in the morning as he squeals towards the toilet. I remember those funny toilet seat covers. I watch him sit gingerly, with caution and a grimace on his face, even though the seat has been sanitized and dried to meet his exacting standards of hygiene. As I watch and wait, I notice something else.
“Ooo you’re wearing shorts today!”
“Yes I am be brave!” Shortly thereafter, the waistband is up and so are his snowy white socks. “Are those your shorts dear? They look a bit big.”
“Dey are not big, dey are long!” I beam at the two inch gap between the hemline of his shorts and the cuff of his socks.
To end, I might remind myself of learning curves. I can tell you that the first time the police came to call at our house I was delighted. Imagine! At last I would have the chance to tell everyone at home that the Sheriff had visited. I was tempted to exaggerate, to mention a non existence horse, but I relented and instead I regaled them with graphic descriptions of the very shiny Sheriff’s badge. What a jolly jape! Could it really to be true, a real Sheriff just like in all the Westerns. What a hoot! How hysterically funny, the guy was such a wag. The second time he came to call it somehow wasn’t quite so amusing, although it was hard to take the chap seriously with his funny hat and handlebar moustache. The third time he came to call on the same day, I could tell that he was less than amused, although I couldn’t see his eyes behind the flashy sunglasses. I wondered if the gun in his holster might not be made of plastic?
In case you are a foreigner, I should warn you that if you call the emergency services willy nilly, such behaviour is considered to be:-
1. a nuisance
2. the offence of wasting police time
3. A financial fine will follow
I am no longer laughing.
Here are my last 3 moans on Trusera:-
Stumble it!
May 11th, 2008 at 10:58 pm
Culottes (not “sans” them at all)?
Gauchos?
Capri pants?
Droopy drawers for the kool krowd?
May 12th, 2008 at 5:13 am
My poor son, summer child that he is, always has trouble going from warm weather to colder weather.
Those learning curves…what can we do?
May 12th, 2008 at 5:14 am
Oops. 911 calls, eh? Thank goodness that has only happened here once. THe other one wouldn’t talk on the phone if you paid him money, so we are good to go there.
As for the pants: I am delighted that capri type pants, sort of like board shorts, are in right now. The boy doesn’t like shorts and those are our only alternative!
May 12th, 2008 at 5:48 am
I had the opposite in action years back with a Californian significant other. London, our scatalogical humour and so on left her somewhat bemused. She simply could not understand that anyone could declare with pride they were off to for number twos (but not quite put that way!) or that putting clingflim over a toilet seat could be remotely funny!
THat said we still remain friends. She is back in SoCal, married with two great kids.
May 12th, 2008 at 6:38 am
I love spring as much as any gardener. But I find sleep evades me even more — a cotton sheet and thin (home-made) quilt are so light that I just cannot settle down to sleep. So the heavy wool blanket is still on, and will remain on until it is just too warm.
May 12th, 2008 at 7:54 am
For once in our sensorily traumatized lives, we had managed to transition from pants to shorts without tears and screaming. OF course, that transition was immediately followed by an unseasonal cold spell. Would somebody please put me out of my sartorial misery?
Dearie, if you thought that the Californians were funny, you should definitely take a short trip through Texas. We are flipping hysterical. The difference is, of course, that the Californians do take themselves EXTREMELY seriously. Texans manage to laugh at ourselves a little more. We’re fond of kitsch, and we like to do things completely over the top - in what can somehow be both deadpan and ironic fashion. Figuring out when some Texans are pulling your leg is a lifelong task. But it is amusing.
Oh and in Texas - mounted police are alive and well. But they infrequently make house calls.
May 12th, 2008 at 8:05 am
Life certainly is a huge learning curve, and even better when you can laugh!
May 12th, 2008 at 8:27 am
In my Mid-Michigan college town I usually spot at least one pair of shorts on a young adult in the middle of winter each year!!. Sometimes they are baggy with the elastic and tops of boxers or briefs peaking out at the waist line! In my college days in the early 90s, white socks with sandals were in style, but fortunately it’s not a common trend anymore.
As for the unappropriate 911 calls, we are up to three calls for the year and several unsuccessful attempts due to my quick interventions (racing like mad to click the reciever down). However, we haven’t had visits or fines yet. Just call backs from the dispatch to make sure everything at my house was OK.
May 12th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Ah bless. Yes, I’ve had the 911 calling thing happen here. My little one rang it then put the phone down, so they called back. Even when I told them what happened, they insisted on talking to him; when they established that he wasn’t in any danger from a parent, they gave him a right old talking to. Hasn’t done it again!
May 12th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
I fortunately can’t comment on the short issue as he has no big clothes issues other than the tags better be out and no wetness allowed. However, I had to comment on your first bit about how funny Americans are. Do you know what’s funnier than Americans in America? Americans in England trying to act English! A couple a few years back we went to a wedding in Cumbria with some acquintances (New Yorkers actually, figures) that really felt that they fit right in with the other Brits there, but oddly, the Brits didn’t want to fit in with their corny forced accent and knowledge of all things England. They liked us yokles from Michigan, and we had great times with the natives. Who knows, they may have been getting some laughs at our expense but we didn’t really care, we were usually drunk!
May 13th, 2008 at 4:37 am
Joey loves those longer shorts and clamdiggers. Perhaps clamdiggers is an east coast thing, though. He hates lots of fabric, but I think he likes his knees covered.
Lands End shorts work very well.
May 13th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Well, naked is still preferrred, followed by only underpants, followed by shorts…you see the pattern. Patrick’s getting more aware of the weather lately though and that is helping. Sorry I’ve been out of the bloggy world a lot lately. Patrick almost hurt himself very very badly and my heart is still recovering. Also dealing with some serious aggressiveness that I’ve never seen before. *sigh* I’m reading as much as I can but not blogging or commmenting very much I’m afraid.
May 23rd, 2008 at 4:00 pm
That is brave. My son is not brave enough to go there — it is long pants only and always for us.