Another crabby old day [England is Evil 12}
The trouble with holidays is that they are just so exhausting.
Without the bribery of ‘electronics’ time, we fail miserably in the ‘discipline’ and ‘routine’ departments. Even when we ignore the issue of jet lag, they’re still up and buzzing about until gone 11 every night.
“Go to sleep and tomorrow we shall have a treat!” just doesn’t cut the mustard.
“Go to sleep and then tomorrow you can rot your teeth on candy,” is no sweetner.
“Go to sleep and we’ll go to the beach tomorrow / have a day trip / insert any other enticement you can think of!” fails to meet the mark.
Sadly they need no electronic assistance to ping them out of bed just before six every morning.
I drag them to the beach for an educational extravaganza. I’ve given up saying ‘it will be FUN,’ as I appear to be in the minority. My daughter was quite keen initially until the weather took a turn for the worse. The boys are both aghast and horrified.
We pass the Life Guards setting up their site on the edge of the beach as we pick our way over the rocks.
“Whatawe gonna do if we catch one?” she asks with a hint of caution.
“We’ll look at it for a while and then we’ll pop them back in the rockpool.”
“Can we take em home?” she pleads.
“Well…..maybe for a few hours but then we’ll have to bring them back to the beach.”
“It’s just I heard you talkin to Dad about crab sandwiches. You’re not really gonna eat em are you?”
“Eat crabs! Dat is insanity!” he bellows. “England is evil!”
“Put a sock innit why dontcha!” she announces in her best American accent.
It appears that everyone is picking up the vernacular. It sets him off in a vortex,
“Sock? Wot sock? I am not be have dah sock. Wot sock!”
“Oh dear. Nevermind socks dear. Lets concentrate on crabs for the moment.”
“Crabs not socks?”
“Yes.”
“You are eat dah socks?’
“No, not socks nor crabs, anyway these, will be too small.”
“Good!” sighs my daughter, grateful for the pause. “Come on guys it’ll be fun,” she calls encouragingly. She looks at me. I look at her. She grins, “well maybe for us huh!” she adds conspiratorially.
So wise yet so young.
They boys generally lack enthusiasm for “new” experiences and this time is no different. “We used to do this when we were little too, but we used hooks,” I offer forgetting the trigger of anything that could remotely be described as a deadly weapon.
“Hooks!” he shrieks in anguish, “England is evil!”
“But not these ones. These ones don’t have hooks. They won’t hurt the crabs.”
I stuff luncheon meat into one of the tiny net bags and demonstrate my dangling skills amongst the crashing waves. “That’s never gonna work mom, you shoulda got the ones with the hooks.”
“Of course it will work, we just need a little patience.” My sons hold a bucket in one hand and a reel of cord in the other with expressions of those condemned on death row.
I pull up the string gingerly. I am flabbergasted to see a crab on the other end. “Quick pass me the bucket!” To my utter amazement two buckets are hurled at my personage. A lightening speed reaction. Horray! My daughter passes her across too.
We all peer in the bucket. Joint attention! Horray!
“Ooo he is a little gorgeous one,” squeaks my youngest.
“He ain’t little,” commands the middle one.
“He’s a girl,” demands my daughter. “Mom, how dya know if they’re girls or boys?”
“Er……”
“He no crab! Wot is it wiv five legs?”
“Um…”
“I am luv my new friend. We can take him America?”
“Probably not.”
“England is evil!”
I demonstrate, rather ineptly, how to pick up a crab without being pinched. I exist in a vortex of squeals of delight as the crab demonstrates waggling.
“He is dah cutest guy!”
“He is more gorgeouser dan my rock. I think.”
“What do you think dear?”
“Maybe I am liking England a lil bit.”
“Oh good! At last! About time Sunny Jim!”
“I am like free pet crabs and free rocks.”
His big brother looks across at him. Do I detect mischief? A tease or a prompt or both, I’ll never know as he mutters, “America! Land of dah Free!” But it works, “ENGLAND IS EVIL!” he bellows to the surprise of Life Guards, up wind 50 yards away.
July 17th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
England is evil! lol next thing you know he will be throwing tea in the harbor.
July 18th, 2008 at 1:01 am
Ahhhh,so cute! Did you have trouble putting the crab back when he realised he couldn’t take it home?
July 18th, 2008 at 1:08 am
Haha Despite being in Evil England (or should that be perfidious Albion?) the crabs are a hit! I do love your posts Maddy
July 18th, 2008 at 2:32 am
Just don’t take them punting and catch a “crab”, thngs could get mind-blowing
July 18th, 2008 at 5:00 am
LOL! I love the little nudge toward the end! They are so giving you the business! Pretty awesome how they can come together whether it’s to get you the pails to catch a crab or to tag-team tease you.
Smart kids ya got there!
July 18th, 2008 at 5:23 am
I am glad they liked the crab catching outing even though England ended up still being evil. Ah, ornery brothers and “button pushing.” I know all about that…
July 18th, 2008 at 6:18 am
Up at 6 on holiday! Amy’s quite the opposite, she lies in every morning – it’s bliss!
CJ xx
July 18th, 2008 at 6:31 am
Sounds like quite an adventure!
Thanks for stopping by my blog…
July 18th, 2008 at 6:39 am
6am? didn’t know they still made that… just kiddin.
July 18th, 2008 at 7:06 am
I see Crystals comment on Amy sleeping in! She is sooooo lucky! M is up early, too early. She does of course usually need her morning nap.
I love the picture and sure wish I was on the water like that.
Vacations are fun but they are so tiring as well. The camping we did was great but the clean up was a nightmare. Took me days to get caught up on laundry.
Enjoy the rest of your time!
July 18th, 2008 at 8:10 am
You know, a year ago I enjoyed the stories in your posts. As time has gone by, I feel like I really have the “flavor” (or should that be “flavour?”) of your kid’s speech patterns and mannerisms…I could actually SEE the scene unfolding scene as you described it. Lovely and entertaining. Ah, progress!
July 18th, 2008 at 9:51 am
“Maybe I am liking England a lil bit.â€
My favorite line of the whole story – of course I love the attention-getting bellow at the end but I just love that perhaps England is a tad OK.
July 18th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
I’m actually starting to buy in on this… England is evil!
July 18th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
Too funny. I’m so addicted to my electronic devices that I don’t think I’d have fun on a vacation where that wasn’t part of the deal.
“Sadly they need no electronic assistance to ping them out of bed just before six every morning.” Why is it that kids get up so early???
Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day!
July 18th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Sounds like a lovely adventure! I don’t know how mine would take to crabs either. I am impressed at your crab-grabbing skills!
July 18th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
I am so happy that we got in touch with one another because I haven’t read blogs in so long so it is nice to read your new one and to see what you and the kiddos have been doing. I have always enjoyed the way that you write, so colorful and so delightful. Even though I am spending all my time between the book (about autism…..of course) and getting things together for homeschooling, I shall do my best to visit your blog at least once a month, it will be nice to take a break from all the other reading that I have been doing. Hugs to all from us!
July 18th, 2008 at 8:17 pm
hi, just wanted to let you know i still visit daily. always makes me smile.
July 19th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
Too cute~ Looks like a lot of fun!
July 20th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Such fun! They needed a few extra weeks, eh?
July 21st, 2008 at 6:22 am
Just back from our family wedding and had to comment on America prompt. Definately a prompt. Love it!!!
July 23rd, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Yeah, who needs those electronic awakening devices when the flesh and blood ones are so much more effective.
I am LOL that he is liking England a lil bit. Your outings are always such fun.
March 22nd, 2009 at 12:01 am
[...] a year ago we had to endure the neverending tirade about the “evils of England” and now all of a sudden he has turned into a [...]