It’s a wild life [England is Evil 5]
I lean on the fence and look over the view of rolling green hills and a herd of giraffe. Whilst I look at the giraffe I can’t help but wonder why they do it? If you live in a small, dark pokey house with teeny tiny windows, why would you blot out the view with a three paneled dressing table mirror? I expect it’s just an English thing, as so very many odd things are.
A long legged calf trots along with the grace of some women in high heels as my daughter snuggles up to ask a question, “why are they all huddled up like that, all curled and hunched?” I scan the horizon for wizened giraffe without success. “Where? I can’t see any curly giraffe.”
“Not giraffes, women.”
“Curly women?”
“No Mom, those women over there, those English women that are all crumpled.”
“How do you know that they’re English?”
“Are they what you call ‘wimps’?”
“Wimps! English women aren’t wimps! English women are more like Amazons, cut off their right breasts to achieve better aim with a bow and arrow, or is it the left one or maybe I’m thinking of Britannia.”
“What?”
“Oh nothing, I expect they’re just a bit chilly.”
“Why are they standing like question marks?”
“Are they?”
“Yeah. Do they have dodgy deportment?”
“Dodgy deportment? Where do you get this stuff from? Actually, on second thoughts don’t answer that. I expect they’re just older and colder than some.”
My youngest son deflates against my body, exhausted after having walked five and a half steps from the car at Longleet safari park to my side, “Oh em gee! I broke a nail! OMG! I broke a nail! OMG! I broke a nail!” I pick up his spaghetti arm to check his fingers, just in case. Typical! Where has he picked that up from I wonder? He sighs as his chin sinks to his chest and then blinks at the view like someone deprived of light for the last 40 years, “I am liking dem.”
“I like them too, they’re such graceful creatures.”
“Creatures! Dey are not be creatures, day are be wimmins.”
“Not you too!”
“Yes I am liking the English wimmins very much.”
“Indeed! Why might that be then?”
“Coz of der squishy bits.”
“Which squishy bits?”
“Dah squishy cushions on der tummies for resting the elbows.”
Never let it be said that older women are not appreciated by the discerning, regardless of nationality.
Stumble it!
July 8th, 2008 at 11:10 pm
So that’s what it is for!
Now who’s in the zoo……
July 9th, 2008 at 12:12 am
So at least if I never manage to lose this extra weight I can always offer it to a child as an elbow pillow. Talk about repurposing!
July 9th, 2008 at 2:16 am
Yay, I can not only re-brand my squishy bits but apparently there’s a zoo somewhere in the world where I’ll be right at home!
But not on cold days…
July 9th, 2008 at 4:34 am
I didn’t like squishy women until I was quite a bit older than the lad…
July 9th, 2008 at 4:41 am
I’d still like to be a little less squishy… but then I’d have to give up dessert… not going to happen
S
July 9th, 2008 at 5:55 am
Miss Maddy, I so appreciate the images you create for this blog.
July 9th, 2008 at 5:56 am
ROFL! Where did he get OMG from?? He and my daughter are kindred spirits in their appreciation of the squishy bits.He finds them useful, she just finds them amusing.
July 9th, 2008 at 6:09 am
I can’t wait to tell SWMBO just what her squishy bits are for.
And I LOVE those images. What medium are you using? tell me more about your ART.
July 9th, 2008 at 6:24 am
LOL!!! bless the boy for his love of squishy wimmin!
July 9th, 2008 at 6:26 am
Lceel - I never use a medium, always an extra large.
Cheers
July 9th, 2008 at 7:45 am
i likes me some squish to my lady
July 9th, 2008 at 9:16 am
British weemen don’t have arses, here in Callyfornia they have them in plentiful, they should ship them over and then maybe I’d move back.
July 9th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Maddy, had to read all your posts on England to get it all. A great time reading! Thank you very much!
July 9th, 2008 at 10:53 am
I love it! (I’ve got squishy bits, too–maybe I should move to England?)
July 9th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Jaysen likes my squishy bits too. He uses my flaccid “baby belly” more as a pillow though. Maybe we’ll have to move to England too.
July 9th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
ROFL!!! God love those “squishy wimmin!”
July 9th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
LOL…..So funny.
July 9th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Go for it (I’m talking about croutons). (I left a response on my site where the context is much more clear, but just in case you don’t check back, and it did sound urgent.)
By the way, as always, I love your post.
July 9th, 2008 at 7:38 pm
My son too is beginning to note and enjoy squishy bits! What’s up with these silly children?
You and your family are too funny! Thanks for sharing.
July 9th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
I laughed out loud at this one. Kids are the best (especially discerning ones).
Do NOT throw away your pencils!!! (or pens or whatever is at hand). Think of drawing as therapy (SOOooo good for the soul) if not quite ‘fine art’. (Did you read my angsty post a couple back? It never goes away, no matter what level of proficiency you get to)…
July 10th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
I can hear the echoes of children changing “OMG, OMG”. Hmmm, squishy bits. I think I’ll refrain from commenting just this once.
July 10th, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Ooops, that should be chanting.
July 11th, 2008 at 10:46 am
Hmm, noticing women over the giraffe huh…
I love the way your son phrases things. “I am liking the wimmins very much.” Very cute.
July 12th, 2008 at 5:11 am
Squishy bits, bwahhahaha! I have squishy bits, and I am 32. And I also like the way your son phrases things.