Saviour of the world [England is evil 10]
In England I find that the establishments we frequent do no provide napkins without some positive request on behalf of the patron. I feel exceptionally grumpy as my brain has been turned to mush by the latest mantras:- “Roger! Over and out!” with accompanying hand gestures and microphone voice, interspersed with “intruder alert! Intruder alert! Intruder alert!” in perfect Dalek, every time someone comes too close.
I know I shall be a complete basket case by the end of the day or deaf.
We sit in the café by the beach in the rain, a picture of misery, although that's probably just me.
The first time my exceptionally clean son helps himself to a wad of paper, I lecture him on recycling, deforestation and scarce resources. “Intruder alert! Intruder alert! Intruder alert!”
As usual, no-one is listening. “Roger! Over and out!”
I stomp back to the counter in a huff to return them to the dispenser.
Back at our table I find my older son, the filthy one, wiping his mouth on his T-shirt with a fully exposed tummy. I immediately spout on the subject of unnecessary laundry, water and detergent usage with thinly disguised grumpiness. I plod back to the counter for one more leaf of napkin.
When I return the little one grins at me, “intruder alert! Intruder alert! Intruder alert!” I expect a sense of humour failure very shortly, but I cannot see his brother, with his face hidden by a bowl as he licks the platter clean to the wrathful glances of other guests. I show him my best pouty expression with hands on hips for extra emphasis when he volunteers, “save trees use tongue!”
I shall resolve to try harder to avoid typecasting my children.
“Roger! Over and out!”
p.s. to newbies – it is important to note the following [ a few years ago]
a] I would not have been able to help anyone to go to the cafe in the first place
b] no food would have been acceptable
c] no conversation of any kind would have ensued [reciprocal exchange]
d] everyone, including me, would be unhappy about this ‘choice.’
e] no-one would have eaten anything
f] we would have been asked [politely] to leave
g] I could not have left them ‘alone’ at the table for a nano second
conclusion – things change in ways that you may never have anticipated
p.p.s jus luv em [feel free to admire my American accent!]
July 16th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
Face in shirt and shirt pulled to expose the belly—same here. Roger dodger!
July 16th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
to hell with the other punters! the worst looks i ever got were when my son ate a runny fried egg with his fingers in tescos cafe!
July 17th, 2008 at 1:33 am
LOL! Love the comment about saving trees using tongue!
July 17th, 2008 at 3:01 am
With the perspective of where you guys are vs. where you were a few years ago, they’ve made wonderful progress!
Gus only licks plates occasionally now. He’s learned to clean the ketchup off with his fingers and to just lick his fingers instead. Much better, at least until he decides to use the walls as his napkins. I really should just paint the entire house red.
Very cute that your little Dalek played that ‘intruder alert’ on you – well funny in retrospect anyway
July 17th, 2008 at 4:52 am
My jeans, the wall, the couch, everything used to be a napkin except a napkin. Now it is just the couch, but we’re working on it!
July 17th, 2008 at 5:27 am
I kinda miss not having my wife carrying handi wipes like she did when the kids were kid age…
July 17th, 2008 at 5:34 am
Oh my! This is a riot. It sounds like my life sometimes. Good luck with your struggle to be “green”.;)
I love it~!
July 17th, 2008 at 5:53 am
Save trees. I love it. It’s funny, what kids pick up on, even when we think that certain concepts are beyond them – that they haven’t grown into them, yet.
And the one thing you can be certain of – they will change.
July 17th, 2008 at 7:00 am
It’s good to know about the napkin “shortage” in case we are ever fortunate enough to go to England! I’m glad the boys have made great progress. Kudos to you for giving them the opportunities to develop social skills in public.
July 17th, 2008 at 7:30 am
Hahaha!!! It is a good attempt anyway. It is hard to keep boys clean and be green.
July 17th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Love “save trees use tongue!â€
I have been reading your posts to my husband and he loves all the Dr. Who bits and pieces…so we both relate to your blog, just on different levels, ha!
July 17th, 2008 at 10:45 am
So, no eating, no napkins, no wiping food on shirts — sounds fun.
July 17th, 2008 at 11:48 am
Yes, you’ve seen definite pregress over time. Roger, over and out.
July 17th, 2008 at 1:07 pm
I reckon eating out with your family sounds liek a hell of a lot of fun! Intruder Alert indeed! Very cute. And licking the bowl… well wouldn’t we all like to do that REALLY? yUM YUM.
July 17th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
I agree, just love’em. “The filfthy one” – so funny! We all muddle through best we can in the end.
July 17th, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Oh I DO luv ‘em…mine AND yours! I see and “hear” so much change in them over this past year. Funny, isn’t it, how time marches on just the same for all of us? xo
July 17th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Oh yes, I can empathise with the improvements for eating out!
July 17th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
Lots of love coming from here! Way to go, guys! And way to keep your humor, Mom!
July 17th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Congrats on all your gains, for noticing them, even as you get through today’s challenges.
Over and out, okay?
July 17th, 2008 at 9:03 pm
Oh, the list at the end. Yes, keep that in sight. You are helping wreak wondrous things.
In five more years, they’ll be getting their own napkins.