Review – a Laborious Day

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I reflect the morning's events to determine what, if anything, I have learned.

As I think, I scrub the wall on my knees beneath the window sill.

I have learned that the new phrase was a mistake. Running around the garden shouting “no knickers, no food” did not have the desired effect. In the 93 degree heat, I learn that my voice carries one block with an easterly breeze and that no-one is allergic to 'outside' anymore.

My neighbour advises me that 'drawers' or 'pants' is more socially appropriate for public broadcasts.

I discover that my son will consume Ritz crackers as a substitute for Goldfish crackers but that eating them without suitable attire is a dangerous pastime.

I learn that our home is not entirely burglar proof, that it is possible to gain entry through a window and that a bug screen is no deterrent.

I am uncertain if I have a pack of lemmings or a co-ordinated team? I already know that I am an excellent cleaner as I remove the last few footprints size 13, 1 and 3, from the wall.

Replacing the bug screen will be a challenge. Teaching them not to retreat, go into reverse and climb back outside the window, is more of a headache.

I think that lots of “us” have issues with “containment.”
A timely reminder to check our insurance coverage and renew my union dues.

Please pop over to my new blog “Sandwiched Genes” for further complications.


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Magic Marker Monday

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Group effort number one.

Group effort number two.

Bravery award to reluctant finger painter!


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Half truths and grey lies

We leave the very small house. I wave as the front door shuts and take a lungful of air. I suspect it would be the same if it were a very large house, a mansion or a barn. “Oh mom, she is sooooo luckeeeeeeee,” squeals my daughter, enthused to bursting. Has she lost all sense after two weeks at camp?
“So …. she is.” I hope I sound genuine.
“Why can't we have 19 cats too?”
“Um…..” I wonder if we could fit in an extra girl? But then children are always happiest with their own families. I know she is loved. I know she is happy and I am judgmental old numbskull. I opt for truthful, “well we do have two cats, that's more than a lot of people have, don't you think?”
“Yeah, I “spose.”

[click on the link above, it’s worth it!]

What senses would I trade for just a smidge of that innocence?


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Real Gents

Please scroll down for Photo Hunters / Scavengers

Ironically, the health food campaign comes a cropper. Suddenly I am a jailor on death row with my life set to 24 hour egg watcher, anything to stop him from grabbing the salt cellar and emptying it down his gullet. Maybe it's the shapeliness, or the pastel colours, but something has revived his need for sodium chloride. Inevitably my back is turned on one or other whilst I use my best extraction services.

I spend an inordinate amount of time chasing him all over the house. As he runs he chants his new mantra, 'you've got mail, you've got mail, you've got mail,' with more animation and expression than I could ever have imagined. When I pin him down to pry open his grinning jaws and sniff for evidence, he responds with his alternative mantra, “greased lightning!” and a chortle. It occurs to me that I have a missed career opportunity as a tracker dog. I also regret refilling the container, twice. I'm tempted to empty it down the sink to refill with castor sugar but I believe that would constitute cruel and unusual punishment.

When I find the empty 16 ounce carton of raisins I realize that what with “one thing” and “several others,” that my supervisory skills are overwhelmed. I examine the potential candidates for tell tale signs. Which one is the guilty party? I have far too much choice. I consider the effect of 16 ounces of dried fruit upon the average digestive system but I have no hard data to rely upon.

Several hours later.

Post play dates, I have one child to collect. I work backwards to allow us to arrive on time with an allowance for the unexpected. We prepare to depart an hour in advance. Two boys.

I hear a small bleat from the bathroom.

From this particular child, it is the kind of bleat that doesn't really register, since volume control is generally off the scales. It is hard to find a suitable comparison. It's the kind of 'tsk' noise one might make on finding a piece of fluff on clothing. A quick flick and it's gone, of no consequence.

The bleat does not match the scene of devastation. I inadvertently squeak which brings his brother running in to observe, “what happen?” he asks unnecessarily as his eyes pop out on stalks. It is still a very small bathroom with very little room for manovres. It is difficult to know where to begin, so I make a start.

Once again I have cause to doubt my purchasing powers. Why did I buy the four pack of 16 oz raisins for $10 but shun the bargain of 32 oz bottle of liquid soap for $5.00?

My brain calculates other calculations. Is it safe to assume that this is the result of a raisin overdose or is that too many assumptions. Which is worse? Ask the play date host parent to return your child, even thought that wasn't the original plan or take a child with an unstable digestive system into the car to their home to collect your other child? Is it o.k. if the wobbly child remains in the car at a safe distance? Is this o.k. if I can guarantee no contact and keep the windows wound up? Is any of the later acceptable assuming that the said child can be sanitized and dressed prior to departure? Is it possible to sanitize and dress the child prior to departure, and myself? Where is Miss Manners when I need her?

I contemplate the play date host, a man with shared custody and a complicated life. There are many families with complicated lives. I suspect that there are also a few families without any complications, somewhere? The common feature of most families, is their share of happiness, complicated or otherwise. I hear the front door slam to announce the arrival of the cavalry, my eldest daughter. I explain. “No probs, you go, I'll be on bum watch.”

Horray! One less mind numbing decision to make.

I drive with careful speed to pull into their driveway where I meet 4 happy girls and a happy father with culinary skills, a blue tooth and a foreign accent.

But I would never be one to summarize a single dad in brief.
It seems to me that there are “dads” all over the “place,” both “chaps” and “chapesses” that ‘get it.’

Maybe I should add a poll? What would be the correct thing to do in such circumstances if the cavalry hadn't arrived? You never know, you might be next, on one end or the other of the toilet plunger?


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A recent jolly good comment award

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With seven bodies in my care I find that I have completely lost track of time, hence this is an alternative to the ‘comment of the week award.’ I hope that normal service shall be resumed shortly or if not that, then longly.

[Inspired by “Scribbit.”]

This one goes to “Empress Bee (Of the High Sea)” who blogs at “Muffin 53” for her comment on this post called “Good Fit”
where she says:-

‘social issues? huh? man, times sure have changed! enjoy the cats honey!!!

smiles, bee
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo’

It appears that we are both lucky enough to be in the “i-phone” club too!

By the by, I came across this tidy blog during the week that someone else might be interested in too. So if you have a free mo, nip along and say ‘hi de ho’ to “Hammer” and his “caption contest” for his daughter’s photo. Put your thinking cap on though first and hopefully she will enjoy a wealth of your wisdom, as I think it always helps to encourage small people with their creative efforts.

For the older generation or cat lover’s or both, you might also want to try your hand at this “caption contest” over at “DJ Kirkby’s blog,” called “Chez Aspie” but watch out as the competition is pretty steep.

I also have something stinky going on if you fancy a “nibble.”


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Saturday Photo Hunters – Beautiful

This is where beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. That beholder is me. What I behold is a child who has spent the majority of his life with his “head and shoulders” completely off limits…………..

……but apparently “no longer!”


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Anyone for tennis?

I collect the children from school to be immediately buried in half a hundred weight of trees.

What is wrong with these people? Haven't they heard of the paperless society?

We have the technology, it's called e-mail.

I am grossly grumpy as I sort through three sets of identical A4 sheets of paper, often with a mere one liner. I concentrate on a huge wad of stapled sheets with class room rules, as rules are made to be broken. I am to review the rules with my son before we pen our respective signature to the contract. My 'fairness' antennae are all full tweak and twitching.

My mind begins to “Whitter.”

I wonder if they use natural organic dyes for these papers?

I wonder if they use ground ant bodies for ink? I come to line 5 which reads:-

All games are 'open.' Do not tell another student, 'You can't play.'

Game, set and perfect match for the whole school year.

Lucky us.

Of course other people overcome common difficulties in the public school system by “homeschooling” and boy does my hat go off to “them” or rather, I take off my crown, but I’ll sure be careful not to sit on the pointy jewels.

The days are so short, but there’s always time for a “snack.”

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Thursday 13 # 3

Thirteen Things to guess about

Testing, testing 1,2,3

Name the following pictures [identify object]

Categorize into one of the following:-

1. Benign

2. Possibly beneficial for some

3. Instrument of torture

Good luck!

Answers below – sorry I couldn’t write them upside down as that would have been way more fun.

1.

2.

3.



4.

5.


6.

7.


8.


9.

10.


11.


12.

13.

1. long handled things are the current talismen therefore benign and possibly beneficial
2. Laser pointer, jolly handy for getting reader's eyes to track.
2 bGotta be clean or possibly die!
3. Theraband – helps keep those legs and toes in repose and increases bum to seat ratio.
4. Vibrating spoon and mouth massager as it makes those tricky textures more tolerable
5. Do not enter or do not touch precious thing underneath, territorialism isn't always bad.
6. Balm for the skin and therefore the mind
7. Weighted vest to keep people grounded, it can be very inconvenient to have floating children
8. Increase fine motor skill and strength and help mum to boot.
9. P tube to chew. Helps jaw strength and reduces anxiety [take note smokers and other oral fixaters]
10. Another vest that squeezes, made to measure with Velcro [put your ear plugs in first]
11. Not for fighting but for protecting delicate digits.
12. T tube as above in 9.
13. A delightful Christening gift both a whistle and a rattle and the only instrument of torture.
Prizes =
If anyone get them all right then pop on over for a free bounce on the trampoline!


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Special Exposure Wordless Wednesday

5 Minutes for Special Needs
Ambidextrous, mid line crisis or just plain fun?

Should you prefer a few words, I have some over here at my other site “Sandwiched Genes.”


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Ruby Tuesday

Scroll down to next post for “Tackle it Tuesday”

Post anything red!

How could I resist?

Take a bowl of cherry tomatoes from the garden and a handful of fresh herbs.

Buy a packet of that instant pastry.
Stab your cherry tomatoes so that they don’t explode in the oven or cut in half. Spread over the pastry, sprinkle with the finely chopped herbs [or dried Herbes de Provence], dusty with Parmesan. Bake.

Cats on Tuesday!

I’m in heaven!

What a tail!

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