A Staycation in our own Wildlife preserved

I telephone my mum as I have been neglectful of late.

“Oh I'm so glad you called dear. We were beginning to wonder if you were still alive!”
“Yes, sorry about that, but it's a bit hectic around here.”
“Hectic? But you're all on holiday still aren't you?”
“That's exactly why it's so hectic.”
“You really should relax more dear, you'll wear yourself out and then where will they all be?”
“Easier said than done.”
“How did the cardi turn out?”
“What cardi?”
“The one you were knitting when you were on holiday in England?”
“Oh, that one. I've not finished it yet.”
“Really? But you only had to sew the pieces together surely?”
“Indeed.”
“So?”
“Just not had a moment and any way a sewing needle is considered a lethal weapon.”
“Sorry?”
“Nothing, it's just that small children and needles lying around the place……not good.”
“Oh I wish you wouldn't use those cryptic American terms.”
“Cryptic. Hardly.”
“Why can't you speak in complete sentences?”
“No chance. Anyway, where were we?”

The boys coo terms of endearment in the background:- 'adorable, gorgeous, so cute.'

“Did you buy a puppy afterall then?”
“Adopt.”
“Adopt? Adopt what?”
“A puppy. Out here we don't buy puppies we adopt them.”
“Oh. So did you?”
“Did we what?”
“Buy …..er……adopt a puppy?”
“Nope.”
“But I can hear the children……”
“Oh, right. No, no puppy, it's a rolly polly.”
“Oh. A real one?”
“Well it's alive at the moment but I wouldn't vouch for it's chances in the longevity department.”
“Why is he shouting endless?”
“It's his name.”
“Whose name?”
“The rolly polly's.”
“Oh! He's named the rolly polly?”
“Pets for free mother!”
“Well boys will be boys.”
“Hmm.” My daughter approaches to shout at me, “Mom it's not fair his Endless escaped and now he wants to nick my Big Anthony.”
“I'll be with you in a moment dear, I'm on the phone to Granny” I snap. I return my attention to my mother.
“Who is Anthony?”
“An ant.”
“I should have known. Is he really big?”
“He's bigger than Little Anthony. Anyway, I'll have to dash before too much unsupervised wildlife enters the house. Love you!”
“Speak to you again soon dear.” I replace the receiver and hunt down my children and their new pets.
“Mom?”
“Yes dear?”
“Are they?”
“Are who?”
“Er……are they “worms?”
“Are who worms?”
“Are worms be turn to “cocoons?”
“No dear. Butterflies and moths have cocoons.” I think about worms casts, not quite the same thing at all. I don't wish to muddy the waters still further.

Much, much later, at the end of another sun filled day, I tuck them all into bed in the moonlight.

I stand on the hard wood floor wondering what to “tackle” first as their Dad walks in after another long day of toil. I decide to do nothing and plop onto the sofa next to him and a rolled up unfinished cardi.

We chat, or rather I chat and he stares at the blank television screen. I pick up the knitting and a well embedded needle, as his mother, Nonna, steps into the family room, “oh that's nice. I'm glad to see you enjoying yourselves together. So……why is it then?”
“Why is what…..er……I mean……pardon?”
“Your thing?”
“Which thing, the knitting?”
“No, the thing in the kitchen?”
“Which thing in the kitchen?”
“The thing next to the cooker, the little computer, your computer?”
“What about it?”
“You're not doing it today?”
“Um…..not doing what on the computer?”
“Your……what's it called….. your EEE mail.”
“Oh no reason, just been a bit busy I suppose.”
“Why you are have so many?”
“So many what?”
“EEE mails?”
“Ummmmm?”
“Could I just have a cup of coffee please?”
I leave the beloved and yearned for sofa. Oh to be a couch chip! I move towards the kitchen, but I put my lethal weapon down first. As I wait for the coffee to brew I notice the computer screen, full to busting with new e-mails. I step over to check. As I peer so does Nonna, “ooo who are all these people?”
“Um……international businesses that appear to have my date of birth on file.”
“Oh look! I didn't know it was your birthday! Appy birthday Maddy. How old you are now then?”

She hugs me in the kitchen.

If I can’t remember my own birthday how on earth will I ever remember 48?

Just kiddin!

I take back every rotten word I’ve ever said about Facebook.

[Although I still disappear off into middle earth every time I arrive!]

I remembered just in the nick of time, thanks to “Yolanda!”

Who needs a brain when you can pinch someone else’s.

Thank you “facebook.”

p.s. note to techy persons – I would dearly love to fix my “sidebar” but I lack the expertise. I was sorely tempted to steal “Kathleen’s” autism bloggers sidebar, but cut and paste was a little sticky. If anyone could provide step by step instructions……..piccies would be nice, what a gif that would be.


For instance this “list.”
but much, much bigger that his! Size doesn’t matter “Gavin” as long as I a remain a little “wiener.”

Addendum – if someone doesn’t help me with my sidebar I shall just have to have a tantrum, which I will not longer refer to as a “meltdown” but hence forward refer to as an “MB,” a “mixed blessing.” The advantage is that we have the chance to “understand,” the disadvantage is that sometimes we “don’t,” understand that is to say. So we’ll just have emmby’s round here. Until “someone” nips along to straighten me out.

Gotta luv the Oxford English dontcha!

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