Follow my lead or maybe hers?
I'd be lying if I said it doesn't annoy me, but other people's habits are just as ingrained as my own.
I don't know how you get along with your mother in law but there are some fairly standard stereotypes associated with this relationship. Personally, I am greatly in favour of RDI. Not the RDI of autism but rather the RDI of Relative:Divorce Index, for those of us in the know. It's just another one of those challenges that we have to tackle.
Part of my weekly routine is to dead head the roses on a Sunday morning, before it's too hot and before we go 'out.' What with “one” thing and “another,” my routine is off and petals brown on the bushes. It happens annually around this time of year, when the house is “full” and we slip into “holiday time.”
During holiday time, it is Nonna's routine to wander the garden in the early morning dew, during the breakfast mayhem indoors. As she walks, she snaps off the dead heads with her bare hands and drops them on the ground.
Inside we tackle each tortuous stage of our morning routine but out of the corner of my eye, I see those thorny dead heads amass, all ready to snare the unwary. The garden and “outside” generally, is already, and always has been, a challenge for the boys. The de-sensitization campaign is “ongoing.” Currently his list of deadly weapons includes not only all things that could be termed 'sharp' but also a very wide range of rough textures. I know that later I shall have to test my own visual acuity to hunt down each and every one of those prickly spars, if I ever hope to have dinner outside.
I have no time to hunt as every minute of the day is already accounted for.
Rats!
Once breakfast is over, I combine clear up with supper preparation. I know that consumption of stuffed tomatoes is overly optimistic, but the food campaign is relentless. I leave them on the counter to come up to room temperature, ready to top, de-seed and assemble. Whatever happened to ‘life is too short to peel a grape’ or is it ‘stuff an olive’?
In the heat of the season this doesn't take long and all cooking must be completed prior to my own “meltdown.”
The loose summer routine of summer days ticks forward. In between whiles I zip into the garden to scatter slug pellets with one hand and gather thorny twigs with the other. The plan is to zip for a few minutes in every one hour. 10 hours, ten handfuls and lots of “hand washing” until dinner.
We spend a considerable amount of time in the pool to decompress, cool off, therapize and fun. Lucky, lucky us.
As usual, I find that all of them are infinitely more coherent thereafter, calm, happy and on full beam.
“Hey Mom!”
“Yes dear,” I reply, not looking as I rub down his big brother with a huge sun crisped towel.
“Hey Mom!” he persists good naturedly. I look up. He stands next to the arbor in an 'I'm a little tea pot' pose. At the end of his spout is a perfect pincer grip, poised mid air. Across his face is a perfect cherubic grin. He reaches in towards the branch as I watch captivated, takes careful hold and snaps off a huge, woody thorn. I cannot read my own facial expression but it's enough to send him scampering towards me with one outstretched rigid arm. He brakes in front of me as I'm kneeling. He lifts it to my nose for closer examination. I see his eye balls cross in concentration with his hot breath wafting over my face, a thorn between two buds. “You my son are the very bravest one!” I beam and break the spell.
He skips off with his prize as I hobble inside with his brother and his jelly legs wrapped up burrito style. I park him on the hardwood floor, vertical, feet end down as he wobbles to gain his balance. I lean on the kitchen counter and wait. His gyro kicks in and the towel is kicked off as he escapes. As I look down I notice a tomatoe is missing. I look across to the table, to Nonna enjoying a diabetic snack, “they're very good these, did you know?”
I pout.
I think.
Maybe, if I am very lucky I will be granted the chance to visit my own married son, in the future. Perhaps in a foreign land. I might have brief glimpses of him during his very busy life. I will remain at home all day, every day with my daughter in law for two months solid.
I hope she’s not a pouty little Madam? That would be so annoying.
August 5th, 2008 at 1:03 am
The poor thing must be so bored …
. Give her a bag to put the bits in?
. Get one of those garden waste vacuum machines, and hand it to her when she comes inside?
. Put the thorny pieces on the floor of her room?
. Get her to do the stuffed tomatoes?
. Get her to help with the boys!
Too much?
Ah, I know!! Send her to work with your husband.
Keep on smiling!
August 5th, 2008 at 4:38 am
I think Suzanne has some pretty good suggestions.
If she really likes the garden,
Might I suggest asphalt or concrete.
August 5th, 2008 at 5:48 am
Oh dear, sounds like trouble. I’m very lucky – my wife likes my mother (and vice versa), and I get by gently teasing my mother-in-law, so it all seems to work.
I’ll let you know though, when we move i with my mother at the end of the year!
The Broken Man
http://theblogofabrokenman.blogspot.com/
August 5th, 2008 at 6:04 am
all i see in this post is .. he did it! he snapped the woody thorn in a perfect pincer grip!
hip
hip
hooray
August 5th, 2008 at 6:21 am
I didn’t really get the opportunity to get to know my MIL that well. She and FIL are both passed. I remember her as nice enough, but, if she’d have come for a stay, I’d probably not be married today. Snort.
Great thorny teapot! ;o)
August 5th, 2008 at 6:39 am
two months? Holy Moly. I often wonder what kind of mil I would be, given the chance… I hope with all my heart that I don’t follow my own mil’s example. I am already wincing over the prospects. I am learning how to defuse the most passive agressive person that ever existed.
At any rate, I feel for you, I truly truly do!!!
And I love the word ‘therapize’, I will have to use that…
Hang in there!!!
August 5th, 2008 at 7:02 am
Yeah he did it! Maybe outside wont be much more of a challenge!
Naughty Nonna! But I know if it were my house there was probably going to be a left over stuffed tomato anyway.
August 5th, 2008 at 7:48 am
She seems to mean well – but she’s probably not used to having to think everything through from a sensory point of view. I agree with Suzanne, give her something to do :0) And let Husband know he owes you one for the hostess duties! Most of all, enjoy the parts of the visit you can and the memories that are being made – especially for the kids. You are a trooper :0)
I must say I’m glad my Parents and In Laws live in the same town we do. We visit and then go to our respective homes. I think they like it that way too!
August 5th, 2008 at 7:53 am
You are St. Maddy, for my MIL would be dead and I would be sitting in jail.
August 5th, 2008 at 8:10 am
LOL Suzanne… “Put the thorny pieces on the floor of her room?”
At least your roses are getting dead-headed. Mine are just getting dead, this summer. The japanese beetles are skeletonizing more leaves every day.
Three cheers for a perfect thorn-plucking pincer grip!
August 5th, 2008 at 8:11 am
I love my MIL, but if she came to stay with me for 2 months, I would kill her with my bare hands, probably by day 3. You are a saint.
August 5th, 2008 at 8:50 am
MIL = Hell’s Handmaiden to me! God Bless you for your tolerance and humor!
Love Suzanne’s suggestions! LOL
I hope you rewarded his bravery?! Oh, and get some extra tomatoes… *wink*
August 5th, 2008 at 8:57 am
You are wonderful! Nonna is very lucky to have you for a DIL.
Hooray for the pincer grip! And he knew he was doing something very special, didn’t he? Yay!
August 5th, 2008 at 9:06 am
Maddy, I believe we are kindred souls. The habits of others are the stuff of relationship difficulties infinitely (my version RDI).
I have the habit of clearing the kitchen in the morning combined with prepping for dinner for the same day.
Often I find that my family members do not “get” which foods are not to be touched until later.
And every first pincer grasp should be enjoyed – thanks for giving us that enjoyment, too.
August 5th, 2008 at 9:54 am
My in-laws have dogs they take with them everywhere and we are an allergy zone so….they stay with someone else! I like my mil well enough but if she came to stay with us I doubt we’d both survive.
Moments like the one you describe, the cherubic grin, the milestone, the love, those moments are the answer to the meaning of life.
August 5th, 2008 at 10:58 am
How very wonderful. He plucked it!!! I feel the same way when Zach takes a sample of a new food – and smiles.
August 5th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Oh my, you should sit and talk with my sis who had her mom in law from 4-29-08 thru 7-17-08. They bought the airline ticket for her, nuff said….
August 5th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Ahhh, yes, the phone, usually I just won’t answer it, but there are too many people worried about me lately… I just “screen” the calls now by picking up when the talk on the machine.
August 5th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Huger, lol – yes – thank you for noticing *sniffle sniffle*
August 5th, 2008 at 5:01 pm
I fear that it won’t be long before my MIL comes to stay. The worst thing about her is the chain smoking. That’s going to be a HUGE battle!
August 5th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
MIL’s are always interesting. I could say a whole lot about my nightmare stories with my MIL. She is deceased though….the guilt would get to me. She still affects me! Argh!
I love to hear other peoples stories. I kinda miss having something more to bitch about.;)
August 5th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Goodness, it sounds like you have your hands full. I wish you luck!
August 5th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Wow, he got the thorn! Way to go!
I don’t have to deal much with my MIL. Mu poor husband has to deal with my mom on a daily basis. Fortunately, mom “gets it” and helps with the boys. But I bet she drives him occasionally nutso-bonko.
August 5th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
This post made me tear up. The pool, the thorny roses, the California summer, MIL “issues.”
And if we didn’t have our hands full, we wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves, right?
August 6th, 2008 at 6:18 am
it is such an odd thing for both MIL and DIL i think.
August 7th, 2008 at 9:38 am
My inlaws are both deceased. I liked my MIL, but never had to do too much practical with her. Certainly she never met the kids. She was generally a practical woman, helpful. She had a terrible hoarding problem. She had a much higher tolerance for chaos than most people – certainly than my mother. But frankly, two grown women in the same house for that length of time is always trouble. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you!