Don’t be so Snotty!
I chat to my eldest daughter in the kitchen surrounded by devastation, evidence of a successful play date.
“Blimey! What a mess!”
“Yes I know. I'm just having a quick breather whilst I decide where to start.”
“No fights?”
“A couple of near misses, but all in all, I'd say that they all had fun.”
“Eeeow. What's that on your shirt?”
“Where? Oh tomato puree, a few smears of peanut butter…….the usual.”
“No. There!”
“Oh……..I must have missed that bit. I'll just get a tissue.”
“Is it snot?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Eeow, you are slipping.”
“It's not mine. It's his.”
“Eeeow gross! That's even more disgusting.”
“Hmm…. I didn't know you were so squeamish considering how you're willing to handle Banana Slugs! I must have missed it during the bathroom debacle.”
“Bathroom debacle?”
“Three people cannot use one toilet at the same time, even if they all happen to be boys.”
“Sounds like a new rule?”
“Verily.”
“You'll have to start a new campaign. A snot campaign. You can't become the snot repository.”
“Actually the snot campaign has been on-going for some while now. This is actually evidence of great progress, the culmination of months of hard work.”
“Pull the other one, it's got bells on!”
“No really. Before they'd just wipe it on whatever happened to be handy, walls, furniture, anything that removed it from their persons and parked it somewhere else.”
“Vile. So how is this progress then?”
“Well they come to me, theoretically to tell me that they need help.”
“Couldn't you train them to just go and get a tissue?”
“I tried that but somewhere in-between the realizing that they needed one, a tissue, and locating the tissues, they'd come into contact with something else. This is sort of my pre-emptive strike, intervention, so that I can them take them off to the tissue box to practice sterile nasal practices.”
“So?”
“Well sometimes I'm not quick enough in the 'anticipation department' and sometimes they're a little slow in the 'explanation in words department.”
“So as the words are coming out, they're physically in the act of using you as a hankerchief.”
“Hmm…………like I said, it's work in progress.”
“I know! Hang on a minute…………………………..There you go! That should fix it!”
“Ooo I could patent that you know!”
“Yet another new fashion trend!”
“Maybe not. I think it's already been invented.”
“What?”
“The “pinny.”
Cut and paste
from this little
boxy thing below
September 27th, 2008 at 1:09 am
Ha! LOL (and almost choked on my beverage).
Two things came to mind – My Boss, the City Prosecutor, always telling me I “had a little something . . .” when Diva was a baby and I was a new mom trying to “have it all.” I’d tell him – “no worries, that’s what suit jackets are for.”
And second – The words to a little ditty on a children’s CD of songs inspired by Sandra Boynton. Went something like “Use a napkin, not your mom. Use a napkin, not your mom, . . .”
If they could only see us now!
September 27th, 2008 at 2:17 am
Haha Maddy!
September 27th, 2008 at 7:33 am
LOL!! Had to get over my laughing fit so I could comment
It’s so true, I too have become a “snot repository” since having kids! Love the pinny idea!
The banana slug is cool…well in a gross, ewww, sort of way
I’ve never seen one before.
September 27th, 2008 at 7:50 am
Rats, I should have worn that as my accessory to the Easter Seals dinner w/Nik! My blouse became the repository of many things…some of them actual food items!
September 27th, 2008 at 8:24 am
Hahaha ! quite funny !
September 27th, 2008 at 9:18 am
Very funny. Want to see what kids have to say? Visit my blog.
http://reikihospice.com/unknown/?p=1018
September 27th, 2008 at 10:33 am
the slug is quite snotty itself
September 27th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Oh my goodness, that’s hilarious! I think I need one of those lovely devices!
September 27th, 2008 at 2:59 pm
“Bathroom debacle?â€
“Three people cannot use one toilet at the same time, even if they all happen to be boys.”
had me laughing and…
“No really. Before they’d just wipe it on whatever happened to be handy, walls, furniture, anything that removed it from their persons and parked it somewhere else.â€
reminds me of my son.
September 27th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
You are such a booger babe!
September 27th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
ROTFLOL
I would adore to get your boys in a room with my boys…then you and I sneak away while pretending they (and the house) will be just fine.
September 27th, 2008 at 4:46 pm
Oh! I’ve seen those banana slugs while up in N. CA. They can get big!
September 27th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
Actually, I was picturing you with a hanky dantily tucked in your sleeve for emergencies – so I think this is a step down in sartorial splendor. As always, you are so fabulously funny and descriptive.
It’s funny to remember when I wasn’t a human kleenex, spit bath, and all around butt wiper. I can so vividly remember when my sisters and I were young, my mother used to complain that she had once been an intelligent, together person (usually as she was simultaneously putting her car keys in the refrigerator, losing the cordless phone, burning dinner, and stepping on the cat). We would roll our eyes, and wonder how she could possibly be so delusional! This creature was never sane, much less capable.
Of course, now I am the one unable to figure out the d*&n Sally Foster forms. I have two advanced degrees. And pee on one of my shoes from two boys who, apparently, think a lot like your boys.
September 27th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Oh that is too funny!
September 27th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Very funny!
September 27th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Everyone deals with snot at all times. Some of us pretend that we don’t. I recall sitting at a stoplight in Atlanta, GA, back around 1990 or thenabouts, and really reaming out a nostril with a finger, feeling happy that I’d gotten the thing, when I heard from the truck in the next lane, “Git it!”, with giggles, from the gal in the passenger seat. I noticed, a bit later, that said truck was wearing a Texas tag. I love Texans.
I ate that booger, and it was yummy.
Which brings me around to one of my autistic perseverative hobbyhorses, firearms safety.
That is, The Four Rules:
1. It’s loaded.
2. Don’t point it at anything yer not willing to destroy.
3. Don’t put yer finger on the trigger until the sights are on the target, or,
KEEP YER BOOGER-HOOK OFF OF THE BANG SWITCH!
4. Be sure of what you are shooing at, and what is beyond it.
Well, snot reminds me of firearms safety, and yummy boogers. What can I say?
September 27th, 2008 at 8:58 pm
Umm, that would be “shooting.”
September 27th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
Oh, I reckon y’all have probably heard the story about the two guys in the train compartment, but I’ll tell it again anyway.
These two fellows were riding in the train, and after a while one of them spoke up.
“Sir” he said, “I think you’re a Princeton grad.” “Why, yes I am, how could you tell?” came back.
The first guy explained how he had deduced that from the Princeton guy’s mannerisms, the tailoring of his suit, his haircut, his speech patterns when talking to the conductor, etc.
The Princeton guy said, “I’ll bet you went to Georgia Tech!”
“Why, yes!” said the other guy, “How could you tell?”
“Very easily,” came the reply. “I saw your class ring when you picked your nose.”
I attended Georgia Tech.
September 28th, 2008 at 12:05 am
LOL I love the “pinny”! I could use that during allergy season
.
September 28th, 2008 at 7:03 am
Why, oh why do they insist on going to the bathroom in bunches? If I had a nickle for the times I caught them in there together laughing and jostling for position….
Love the pinny!