Listen very carefully
Because I shall say this only once! Well, that at least was the plan. I don’t know about you and your campaigns but around here consistency and persistence are our watch words, together with big dollops of follow through. I think it’s the follow through where I am apt to trip up and fall down.
A case in point would be a recent campaign that I instigated in an attempt to return some order to the chaotic state that we currently live in. It was quite a small campaign in the great scheme of things, very simple. The new campaign for the children was to pick up their Webkinz and Pokemons and put them in a laundry hamper, a large one, rather than leave them strewn all over their beds and carpet. It is so much easier to make beds and vacuum every day if you avoid having to wade your way through a morass of wildlife.
Hence just before our night time routine I told them about the new campaign. I made sure that I had everyone’s attention first before making my proclamation:-
‘Listen very carefully because I shall say this only once. Are you listening? Can you hear me? Right. So before you come downstairs tomorrow at 5 o’clock in the morning, first you must put every Webkinz, Pokemon and other fluffies in this large laundry hamper. Do you understand? Can you do this?’
Once a positive response was extracted, I moved onto the next child and repeated myself because although I was sure to ‘only say it once,’ I did in fact say it three times. I said it loud enough so that each of the three times that I said it, the other two could also hear it, because that’s what we call positive re-inforcement around here. I made it plain that consequences for non-compliance would follow. What consequence? A time out for all malingering fluffies, although I failed to specify how long that ‘time out’ would last.
Thusly the following morning I was confident that henceforward my domestic duties would have halved over-night.
Sadly, as it turned out, yet another campaign failed at the first blip.
The back story for anyone with special needs children.
It was pretty much doomed without a prompt in the morning, a prompt that I did intend to give but failed to give, due to the reality of two wet beds and copious amounts of dog vomit. Very unwelcome gifts at 5.04 precisely.
I think that this is an all too familiar reminder that in an idea world, I like to set up my children to experience success. Although the prompt was in the ether, in reality I failed to perform.
To be fair, I think any child would have a hard time remembering something new from the night before, especially if the new thing was a chore. I did follow up and remove the toys to a spot out of reach but I know that they won’t be there as long on a ‘time out’ as if I had other children.
Other children might accept this as a commensurate consequence but not my children. If I had done this a few years ago, screaming meltdowns would be more or less guaranteed but these days we have words with which to express our disdain more logically. Logically, they believe that the toys are being punished for their oversight, which therefore is patently unfair and the cause of great angst.
I share this because parents of special needs children frequently feel like failures. It can be very de-moralizing and debilitating to stare at the faces of defeat, especially when they are of our own making.
Even after all these years I still get it wrong and I still make mistakes.
Meanwhile I have to design “three original cakes” for the fundraiser at school, which is great because I’m much better at cakes than kids. The theme is ‘fiesta’ although I personally wish it was ’siesta,’ any ideas gratefully received. All I can come up with with a cactus with great big pokey spines.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too……if you give it away.
Last three days of the bowl “giveaway/freebie.”
Cheers dears
April 28th, 2009 at 4:25 am
Gee, that never happens at my house (note sarcasm).
Thanks for stopping by yesterday.
April 28th, 2009 at 4:46 am
These are some devastatingly adorable kids
what a unique way of thinking
“Logically, they believe that the toys are being punished for their oversight, which therefore is patently unfair and the cause of great angst”
April 28th, 2009 at 5:18 am
Good morning! Just a reminder to visit 5mfsn to connect to Mr. Linky today.
Hmmm, fiesta…I oughta have something for you…
Do you know what cascarones are?
If you go to Fiesta sites for San Antonio (this year’s celebration just passed) – you might find an appealing image.
Also, strings of paper cutouts (Mexican decor) are pretty.
You are good enough to do a dancer with a flowing skirt.
Are the little friends out of time-out yet?
April 28th, 2009 at 6:06 am
I would think if you stuck with the new rule after time-out you would find that they were indeed paying attention.
April 28th, 2009 at 6:50 am
I bought my son one of those foldable character hampers to put stuffed animals in – he just lugs the entire thing downstairs and dumps them all out! But at least cleanup time is faster now that they have somewhere to go.
One day, when I put several of them in a garbage bag for a major timeout in an effort to get him out the door for school, he ran upstairs and was crying/commiserating with the rest of the animal friends about how much they would miss the others. (I was heartbroken but also secretly relieved that we didn’t have to face the school secretary for a tardy.)
April 28th, 2009 at 7:10 am
How about sombreros – they can be very colorful and should be easy enough to do as a cake.
April 28th, 2009 at 7:15 am
Really loved this post, especially because I can totally identify with what you are saying. You can never say something only once, it just doesn’t happen like that does it. I think as parents of special needs children, most of us realise that once is a word missed from a very large vocabulary!
Great post Maddy.
CJ xx
April 28th, 2009 at 7:19 am
Oh boy…I have had so many similar experiences..My boys who have many many tiny toys that will cripple you at three in the morning, when you happen to step on them in bare feet-decided that they, instead of cleaning them up in a bucket, would rather sleep with them. My oldest goes to bed covered in everything from leggos to giant stuffed bears-it is a sight to see-but, my feet are safe!(and the floor is cleaned up in their way of thinking)
You could make a pinata cake..or a sombrero?
April 28th, 2009 at 10:42 am
I give the Toys clothes and trash put away speech nearly 3 times a day.
Most of the time the stuff ends up under the bed or I get screaming fits.
My 12 year old finally got it yesterday after 10 years of scoldings.
April 28th, 2009 at 11:16 am
Wait a minute. You vacuum your floors? Every day? I can’t concentrate on this post now!
April 28th, 2009 at 11:58 am
I’m with MPJ! Totally got stuck on the vacuuming daily. Um, Maddy… it’s not the kids driving you nuts- it’s your vacuum obsession!
Now cakes. Mmm. You should do a Day-of-the-Dead skull. Or a taco-cake. Or a Cuban cigar cake. No? Fine… the pinata cake was a good idea too.
How about a vacuum cake?
April 28th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
A friend of mine’s wife loves to vacuum, too. You’re not alone. She would start vacuuming the house before a party was over, she loved it so much.
What’s a pinata cake? Do you bash it in with a stick?
I like the sombrero. It says both fiesta as well as siesta.
Joe
April 28th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
Good Idea…. just needs a little work…
I would need a note pinned somewhere to remind me what to do tomorrow… I’m old!
April 28th, 2009 at 9:48 pm
I have been kicking myself all day for various mistakes—what you wrote is so true. But we have to keep trying (and failing) and trying (and failing), cleaning up messes all the time.
Fiesta: Lots of reds and golds and oranges; music notes (for dancing?); confetti, ribbons…..would a pinata be appropriate? (if I may venture—-ah, I just realized club 166 beat me to it!) Maracas…..
April 28th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
In such a case, where the prompting has to be done later, I would suggest a visual chores prompter. Afix pictures of the cores (with velcro) to a board, stip of cloth, etc. The cjhild can remove each chore as he finishes it (which is the sugar thatn helps the medicine go down), saving it in a box (so that mom can re-use). All done? Prize (if agreed on) can be given. I used this for years with Ricki in the morning.
April 29th, 2009 at 12:24 am
If I had a dollar for every room-cleaning campaign I’ve tried to instigate, I could hire a maid. And many of mine have failed at the first blip as well. At least we’re persistent!
April 29th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
I think if I had to do 3 Fiesta cakes, I’d do a sombrero, a pinata, and either a flemenco dancer (Barbie stuck in the top of a cake) or a cactus. Yeah. My MOM.. now SHE would come up with something totally awesome.