Blogging Against Disablism
Please go and check out other participants over “here” at “Diary of a Goldfish.”
This is a difficult topic for me because I do not consider myself to be a political junkie. If anything my politics are more of the green
variety. That said I’m only to happy to get on my soap box when it comes to my feminist aspirations, however those opinions are not born out in reality. It’s not easy to be a feminist when you’re married and a stay at home parent.
I was thinking about how my feminist values had petered out recently when I listened to a snippet of a radio interview where a journalist said that her husband came first, before her children. Her point was in part that when women became mother’s they switched roles from partner to obsessive women thoroughly absorbed in raising their children to the exclusion of all other aspects of life.
Whether or not this is true is debatable, but it made me think.
It made me think about how we didn’t exactly plan to have four children neither did we plan to have two differently abled children, autistic boys.
Whilst I was busy perseverating about life the universe and everything else in-between updating PEC boards and snipping itchy labels out of new summer clothes, I also caught a snippet of a television programme that my daughter was watching. The programme was about autistic twins, women in the 50′s. It took account of their lives following the death of their parents and then their sole supporting sister. Savants indeed, but life skills and survival in the big bad world proved to be a trial.
The word ‘institution’ was whispered. The equivalent of Social Services came on the case. The possibilities of respite care, supportive services and day centres for both the family and the women. Common sense made the light of day. There were positive possibilities and a willingness to make it happen.
And that’s when it dawned on me, because I’m sometimes a bit slow on the uptake. Regardless of the politics, feminist or otherwise, that’s my job. Whilst I have “many” “responsibilities” and “aspirations,” we created these children and brought them into the world. Our job is to do the very best we can, like all other parents, to ensure that our children have the best chance at life and all it’s possibilities.
May 7th, 2009 at 9:36 am
Maddy, your sense of responsibility for your children is a model for us all.
My bit for BAD was to direct people into the carnival through starrlife at Life Decanted. (A most excellent post!)
As was this one.
Salud!
May 7th, 2009 at 10:45 am
My wife and I adopted children we knew had issues and disabilites. We took on the responsibility and don’t ever regret our decisions. I gave up my career because of disablism. The daycare centers, schools and basically society as a whole didn’t want to deal with the unique challenges my children brought.
We cut back our spending paid off our debt and I became a full time care giver.
Even though they are now able to go to school I have to constantly fight the system and for their rights which are constantly being trampled upon. Teachers and administrators would rather deny my children the services and accomodations we agreed upon because doing what they promised is inconvenient. It’s blatant disablism.
May 7th, 2009 at 1:32 pm
I was listening to NPR yesterday and heard that same discussion about who comes first, who do you love more. Lots to consider. BTW, I think you can still be a feminist when you’re married and a stay-at-home mom.
May 7th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Wow! How great that magic linky is!!!
I often want to link to other blogs for further recommended reading, and that way readers can just add their posts. Fab.
(Although I hope I did this right, entering the URL of the specific “Blogging Against Disablism” post and not just the blog URL.)
About your post:
Strange how that woman thinks it’s her “job” to be a wife. I’m so not getting what’s supposed to be feminist about that.
It’s more like what you’re doing being parents, mum *and* dad, raising children together.
May 7th, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Well said-The best thing I heard a feminist speaker say (back in uni days)was that if women wanted to change the world-they needed to raise their sons. I wonder is it the same for kids like ours…I want to change how autism is viewed-because that in turn will change how people(on the spectrum) are treated/viewed. Yes yes yes-our job is to do the very best we can. Your blog is representative of that-and I appreciate it.
May 7th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
I agree that you don’t have to take off your feminist cap to be a stay at home parent.
When we become parents it is natural that our priorities change, and when we’re parents of kids that need more (mostly because society doesn’t “get” them) then we instinctively know that it’s our job to step up and do what’s needed.
Whatever feminist values you had are still pertinent. And you probably have other feminist values that aren’t usually covered in the mainstream media.
Joe
May 7th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
“the willingness to make it happen” – that’s it in a nutshell. You inspire me, Maddy. Happy Mother’s Day to you!