Notable quotes
“Wot are your pirate parts?”
“?”
*****
“Don’t use toilet paper to dry your hands dear it’s wasteful.”
“Wot I dry my hands?”
“The towel! Right there! Where is always is. I’m sure someone’s eating the loo rolls we use so many.”
“Yeah.”
“Yes? Someone’s eating toilet paper?”
“Yes.”
“Who? Who is eating toilet paper?”
“Thatcher.”
“!”
****
“Mom?”
“Yes dear?”
“Can I have electronics now.”
“Sorry dear, you know the rule.” I see his bottom lip quiver but of course I cannot speak falsely. “I know, why don’t you go and see Daddy? See what he says?” He toddles off pale and wan and skinny to ask, whilst I clean up after five hours of vomiting, headaches and baths, but at least he’s vertical again. I pop the next load of laundry on as he appears behind me, “so what did Daddy say luvvy?”
“He says I can be havin electronics coz……..just this once on account of you had a real shitty day.”
“!”
***
My daughter arrives home with Thatcher after his ‘walk.’ We discuss his new habit of eating toilet paper as he collapses on a heap on the floor, tummy exposed, legs akimbo with exhaustion. My younger son dives on him for a cuddle.
“I checked with the vet,” she offers, to keep me up to speed.
“And.”
“He has no idea, but it’s not good. As for his other ailments he’s quite fine.”
“Yuck! Dat is gross!” yells the cuddler as he leaps to his feet.
“What’s the matter dear?”
“He doesn’t use toilet paper.”
“Who doesn’t use toilet paper?”
“Thatcher.”
“No….that’s because he’s a boy or rather that’s because he’s a dog. He merely eats the darned stuff.”
“I am never touching the private parts of a dog again!”
“!”
I guide him towards the bathroom for the next clean up, “you probably need to be more careful where you put yourself when cuddling.”
“I’m gonna stick to the end dat licks.”
May 8th, 2009 at 3:51 am
“I am never touching the private parts of a dog again!”
I’ll have to remember that.
Joe
May 8th, 2009 at 6:33 am
stick to the end that licks
Is to die for ‘Yuor kids are perishingly adorable – they say the best things
I am just Rolling laughing here
May 8th, 2009 at 6:34 am
Oh my goodness! I love this post! Your kids are too adorable.
May 8th, 2009 at 6:40 am
“pirate parts”
HAHAHAAHA
May 8th, 2009 at 9:25 am
Brilliant, loved “pirate parts” and the reaction to the “dirty” dog! Kids are so funny and it’s good to record the things that they say.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:34 am
Ohmigod, Maddy- I am laughing my a** off. Each one is funnier than the next, I just can’t pick a favorite!
May 8th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
This is one of the funniest posts I’ve *ever* read anywhere! Thanks for the belly laughs on a Friday afternoon!
May 8th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Heeheehee
May 8th, 2009 at 2:57 pm
You had me at “pirate parts.” Way too funny!
May 8th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
I assume he hasn’t seen Thatcher lick his own pirate parts yet then?
May 8th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Oh, crikey that’s a classic!
May 8th, 2009 at 7:52 pm
This is just funny… thanks!!
May 8th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
You know how one time you did that video of yourself, and you were totally charming but probably didn’t think so?
I want you to do that again, but include your whole family and its conversations this time.
May 12th, 2009 at 10:29 am
oh those are just priceless, every one of them.
May 20th, 2009 at 12:05 am
[...] second one is poor Thatcher after his beauty treatment. Maybe it will help them remember which “end” is [...]