Blogging 101 – how to deal with negative comments?
I have been blogging for far too long now. Because I’m a member of the “Autism Hub,” a small yet inclusive group, I have noticed how quickly we can act together from all around the world with an alternative perspective from the mainstream. Negative comments, abuse and criticism are generally infrequent, thankfully. Since I am a technically challenged person, I shall keep my opinions personal.
Every once in a while I too have experienced negative comments. Without exception, the author has always been Anon. Anon is a busy person with strong opinions and anxious to share their superior viewpoint.
When I first started blogging I was very trepidatious, worried that the sword of Damocles would fall on my head. It didn’t. I grew bolder. As I grew in confidence I shared more and more, perhaps too much on some occasions. On one particular occasion I bared my soul to share what I considered to be a poignant moment in our family life, one that had great meaning to me. It was back from when my children had very few words. There were so few words that I actually counted how many words they used in any given day so that I could keep track, so rare, so few, so precious. You can read it here called “cracking the code” if you have a mind, although my style has changed considerably.
There were three comments for that posting and one of them, of course, was from ‘Anon’ who said ‘This child will never have respect for you if you keep your world centered on him.’ You can read at the end of the “post.”
When I read that comment I was aghast. It seemed so obscure, so completely off topic and it made me realize how difficult it can be to translate our tiny little lives into something that can be understood by other people, people in the mainstream world. The tiny occurrences in our lives are often momentous, but to other people they are commonplace and not worthy of note. A tricky translation.
At the same time, it also made me realize how far I had deviated from the mainstream world.
Respect!
Respect? Of all the many things that I hope for from my children, I’m afraid that ‘respect’ doesn’t even make it to the list. Originally, pre-birth, I hoped that my children would be happy, healthy and normal. Just that. No more ambitious than that. It’s quite a tall order in today’s world. We have “happy.’ We have ‘healthy.’ ‘Normal’ is only a question of definition.
July 30th, 2009 at 1:58 am
Such a wonderful moment that you linked to in that older blog post
I totally get the desire to just have happy and healthy children. Normal is what we make it, I rather like our version of normal.
July 30th, 2009 at 3:58 am
I will be honest…negitive comments give me that real icky feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feel like I must be wrong or that I have offended. I have learned to just delete them and go on. Anon is everywhere and just likes to stur things up. Sometimes I would actually be afraid, like when the bully would shove me down at school or threaten to “beat me up”. I am 48 and should not be afraid of my own opinions or parenting style but sometimes…I certainly wore homeschooling, when I first started, as a badge of honor but it amazed me how much of a negitive response it got. The arguments were and still are based on ignorance.
I recently cleaned my blog out to begin a new year homeschooling and to log that progress, blogging bullys or not.
July 30th, 2009 at 5:04 am
I personally think the HUB needs to enter reality. I am sick and tired of the blasts about how parents cannot write about the realities of living with autism. And, I sent you the link where I finally dove in head first… I’d said nothing up to that point but enough was enough. Asperger’s 8’s latest post is ummmmm…. interesting.
When I finally go diving off my pedestal it’s b/c I can’t grind my teeth any longer. When I dive off my post it usually takes many rewrites of the comment I am posting before I actually post it… You don’t ever want to read the first draft
Why, b/c I don’t want to screach… I do attempt to make a point. May not always get there… but I do try my best. I’m tired of the lies, exaggerations and general put-downs. I find it funny that afterwards people like Harold will write that I posted an attack about his son (about 2 weeks ago when he was bragging about ABA) – I never attacked his son but since he refused to post the comment how am I suppose to defend myself – so I did… 3 sections long full of examples from MY children not his. Truth was… he didn’t have an answer to my question “what do you do after a child’s been protected and reaches 21 and has to join in with the rest of society” nor my other one “where’s the peer review journal report”… the answer to that one came in a blog post “Lovaas et al think they are helping children or they wouldn’t be doing ABA” (paraphrased).
Michelle Dawson can have personal opinions but you better be able to back yours up by science.
Sharon (Ireland) has never read “The Horse Boy” book but she certain enjoyed blasting his Mother on her blog about something she knew nothing about. I hadn’t read it yet, so I offered no opinion at the time.
The latest “look we’re right diets don’t help” bulls…. crap is exactly that. Another linky war “we’re right the cure camp is wrong” go round. As one who had HUGE success with dairy removal and a HUGE 24 hr nightmare over just a tiny pad of butter on a freezer pancake…. must be nice to live in such a narrow little world. I don’t trust LB/RB to write the truth either… they can twist the news to suit their agenda just as well as AoA or AS can.
I keep tabs on the HUB so I know what crap they are trying to spin. Sometimes they have interesting posts, some bloggers – like yourself, and Joey’s Mom – I enjoy reading.
I just keep collecting links, keep writting them into my epic… out of 50+pgs now, about 25 of them are links and my comments on them. I keep wondering if I can immortalize them in a book or is that copywrite infringement… Yet I never copied their posts… only the links. An editor would know.
According to the autistics on the Hub I’m a crappy parent… and I’m proud of it… Little boy started his Adderall this morning… Bad Mommy me.
S.
July 30th, 2009 at 5:44 am
Being on the Hub myself, I find it a group like any other- a diversity of ideas, feelings, attitudes- and I treat it as i do any other diverse group. You can’t agree with everybody, and it would be a boring world if there weren’t other ideas and viewpoints to think about and consider. I like seeing how autistic people see parenting, and find a mixed bag of agree and disagree on the Hub (though the more vocal ones do tend to disagree with my parenting, that isn’t the entire Hub community, not even the autistic Hub community). That’s fine. Perspective and consideration doesn’t mean you conclude to agree.
But I don’t do Anon.
Nope. There are no “Anonymous” comments on my blog. I clicked the box, and they can’t happen. Maybe its the scholar in me- I need to be able to think about the source of the comment in order to contextualize and consider the comment properly. So Anon is useless to me.
I also find it cuts down on random negative comments.
July 30th, 2009 at 5:55 am
[...] Originally, pre-birth, I hoped that my children would be happy, healthy and normal. Just that. No more ambitious than that. It’s quite a tall order in today’s world. We have ‘happy.’ We have ‘healthy.’ ‘Normal’ is only a question of definition. (da Whitterer on Autism) [...]
July 30th, 2009 at 6:08 am
I don’t have any children of my own, but I have worked, and continue to work with many children and young people of various abilities, ethnicities and backgrounds.
Some of these young people want to be as independent as possible, and their parents are afraid for them. Others aren’t capable of being as independent as their parents want them to be, and I am afraid for them. Some of the parents don’t, and possibly have never, cared for or about their children, no matter what that child tries to do. Some of the parents love their children, and try to give them everything, and the child still turns against them, hopefully temporarily.
Having read many blogs, on the HUB and other places, I just wish that all parents were able to be as kind, caring and dedicated as many of you are. While you wont all share each others ideas and ideals, I do find it a pity that some are so closed minded, and choose to make personal attacks. To those of you, like Maddie, who are sharing their lives and experiences, please continue to do so- we need more people like you to remind us that all moments in life are important in all kinds of ways. Keep it up!
July 30th, 2009 at 6:11 am
The Anons of this world annoy the hell out of me.
I have no problem with you being an asshole, Anon, just be man/woman enough to stand behind your opinions and sign a name to your comment.
Hell, this is the internet, no one needs your address or picture or full name.
July 30th, 2009 at 6:14 am
I just find it odd that someone would read all the way through a post and then take the time to leave a negative comment. And how did they even GET there? Searched deliberately for things they thought were wrong, so they could leave a nasty comment about it? What a terrible, negative internet they must inhabit…
July 30th, 2009 at 6:38 am
“Being on the Hub myself, I find it a group like any other- a diversity of ideas, feelings, attitudes- and I treat it as i do any other diverse group. You can’t agree with everybody, and it would be a boring world if there weren’t other ideas and viewpoints to think about and consider.”
If this were true than “The HUB” wouldn’t deny listing anyone who asked to be listed. If this were true than “The HUB” blog would allow everyone to post comments: but they don’t. Some people have been banned from posting comments on certain blogs merely for expressing a “different perspective.”
There are other ideas and viewpoints to consider but “The HUB” refuses to allow them.
July 30th, 2009 at 7:00 am
I’ve been banned from commenting on LB/RB…. I’ve never tried posting on the Hub’s blog… never knew there was such a thing… I suspect the same would happen there too.
Yes, and the Hub is as biased as any other Autistic Camp… Stephanie tried to get her blog listed there and they refused.. they won’t post Jonathon’s, Harold’s and many others…
IMO, they are the same as Autism Speaks, and another “curbie” groups… Shut out those with different views… then you can claim everyone agrees with you all the time.
So much for their claims of “freedom of speach”, eh??
July 30th, 2009 at 7:07 am
A long-time mom-blogger (Hub member, though not she does not post so much) noted to me that parents inevitably have a different perspective. I certainly know that from thinking about how I was frustrated with my parents about this or that as a child, and now here I am the parent. And my own parents have talked to me about how they felt they made certain mistakes or wished they had done things differently, and have expressed that they hope I might do differently with Charlie.
From writing about autism on the web, I’ve realized what seems so obvious—I definitely write from a parent’s perspective on many topics. And that means, there are many topics that other readers who are coming at autism from a different perspective will have different views on.
I enjoy the rough and tumble and back and forth. I keep trying to learn and have certainly had much to reflect upon from reading blogs and other writings by individuals who are on the spectrum. I see writing about autism and my son as an ongoing project that changes and certainly will change as he gets older.
And Maddy, I love every one of your posts. Our household is in a different state and much smaller but everything you write here resonates with me. Please keep doing what you do so very well.
Regards, Kristina
July 30th, 2009 at 8:59 am
“Anon is a busy person with strong opinions and anxious to share their superior viewpoint.”
How true and how sad.
July 30th, 2009 at 9:36 am
It never ceases to amaze me the way some people think the internet is their own personal playground and that they are entitled to do what they want and to be allowed to play wherever they want. Anon (and many others) simply needs to get over him/herself. Life is too damned short to waste so much energy being pissy to or about other human beings. But that’s just my opinion.
July 30th, 2009 at 10:47 am
*sigh* I’ve tried to join the Hub, but they’re always full. Whatever- I’m over it.
Maddy- that was a beautiful (link back) post, and I absolutely can’t believe how much your little dinosaur has grown.
It’s such an awesome feeling when we finally “get” things.
Also glad you don’t let your “Anon’s” get you down.
July 30th, 2009 at 10:58 am
It is summer. My brain is fried. I’d love to comment more coherently, but can only say: I love this post. Maybe I’ll be able to join the fray again in the fall!
July 30th, 2009 at 11:21 am
@ Stephanie and Farmwife – As far as I can see, you made your positions as “enemy” clear from the very beginning. Same with Mitchell and Doherty. There would be No logical reason to include your blogs on the Hub, and I am usually annoyed by your comments.
@ Maddy – Great post!
July 30th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
It’s all a loada bollox innit
July 30th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Oooo Laurentius……I am so glad that you speak a foreign language!
Cheers
July 30th, 2009 at 1:50 pm
I’m the “enemy.” Oooohh…maybe you should actually bother learning a bit more about me and my life, which is all true, by the way.
This is so childish: there are “enemies” to you people. I have no “enemies,” but apparently you do.
July 30th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
Hard to be anon
Right sometimes, but mostly wrong
Better to sign name
Haiku (mostly anon) Joe
July 31st, 2009 at 12:43 am
After reading your insightful dinosaur post, I fail to see how Anon wrestled the idea of “respect” out of it, all the while completely missing the part about trying to engage your child in play and cherishing his limited speech. Furthermore, I’m glad I’m not Anon’s child. I’d much rather be yours.
July 31st, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Well, Stephanie, its a good thing then that I don’t just read Hub blogs. I was kinda assuming other people didn’t just read stuff from their own little circles, either. But again- that may be the scholar in me.
The Hub is like any other community. It is diverse. It is its own little corner. And the individuals within it can make their own decisions on how their own little corners and facets are run, and who can post on them. For example, I don’t allow anonymous posts. Some of blogs on the Hub are not that interesting to me, and I don’t read them at all. Some fade in and out of interest. I have my own little set of about half a dozen I read regularly, some on the Hub, some not.
It doesn’t up my shackles to be not welcome on a particular blog. It tells me something about the source and the information (or lack thereof), no big deal. Its a big Interwebs. Plenty of other blogs in the sea of bytes.
Why do people get huffy over not being welcome into someone else’s livingroom? You can’t be friends with everybody. Not everybody is going to want to argue with you, or want your advice, knowledge, or even support. So go somewhere else. Sometimes you just do what you can, then cut bait. Otherwise, you’re not really being helpful, you’re proselytizing for your own point of view. For better or for worse, you’re aren’t going to convince everybody of anything, even if you are arguing that the sky is blue.
If you’re looking at blogs as some huge source of definitive information, its probably time to get out of the house and head to the library instead of depending on the internet, which is notoriously bad as an information source. It would be like writing a class paper using Wikipedia. Not a good idea.
Being caught in small circles means you are often just hearing your own echoes, instead of new sounds. Sometimes that is what you need, and it is comforting. But sometimes it is better to move out of the comfort zone. Instead of calling for a community circle to open up, it may be wiser to open yourself to more communities.
August 1st, 2009 at 12:47 pm
“Instead of calling for a community circle to open up, it may be wiser to open yourself to more communities.”
I wish others would follow that advice.
See, I only interact with people on the internet due to my autism. At the moment I cannot interact in any other way with people. I’m not going to explain further but I think you can understand this.
August 9th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
Anon is a busy person with strong opinions and anxious to share their superior viewpoint.
Okay this nearly made me spit out my tea.
August 10th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
i recently had a jerk putting really nasty stuff about my son on my blog so i put comment moderation in action. also (because it was in breach of the ISP terms and conditions of the jerk – who happens to have the same ISP as me) i wrote to complain. and because i am a geeky lady i googled the jerk’s IP address (little numbers that say which computer he is) and found a whole lot about him, not least that he has a prediliction for very smutty websites. all this made me feel much better.
i hope you don’t let this make you less open – your blog is fabulous.
December 26th, 2009 at 1:17 am
It is time for everyone to give their heads a shake and remember what this forum is for. It is not for bashing others, belittling people or making yourself feel superior. It is about autism, plain and simple.