One makes a difference

I prompt them from the calendar, the speech calendar from school that provides a daily prompt, as much for me as for them:- “so………what do you know about your grandparents dear?”
“Dey are nice and dead.”
“Dead?”
“Yes.”
“Nonna next door, she’s only napping dear.”
“Oh……I meaned………….deaf.”


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The true price of love – in the nick of time*

Weddings are such a complicated business. But that’s one of the great things about growing old, you have the chance to step into the shoes of the previous generation. Now I will be a mother in law, mother of the bride. I have the chance to experience the very same angst that my own mother must have experienced a long time ago, or close enough. I distinctly remember being close to collapse by the time my own wedding arrived, a true challenge to my organizational skills, as the only way to command a cheap wedding is to do it all yourself. Hence, at short notice, a mere two weeks, I attempt to do likewise for own my daughter as she marries Mr. B, but I have other far more complicated hurdles to jump this time. Those hurdles consist mainly of explaining the concept of marriage to my children with their many and various perspectives upon life. My son takes the news the hardest, close to tears because weddings are a very emotional time.
“But I don want Mr. B to marry her.”
“Oh dear. Why not luvvy?”
“Coz he is my friend.”
“Yes he is, but he’s her friend too. You can have more than one friend. Just because they’re getting married doesn’t mean that he won’t be your friend any more.”
“It won’t be dah same.”
“Well….”
“Is he gonna leave?”
“No, they’ll both say here with us, a big family of 8, so you’ll still see him every day.”
“But then they’ll be the babies.”
“What babies?”
“They’ll have babies and then he won’t love me no more.”
“Oh there won’t be any babies for a very long time, you don’t have to worry about that, babies come later, much later.”
I hope.
“Besides, you love babies, so that won’t be too bad.”
“Yeah but you can’t love babies and your friends.”
“Believe me, there’s enough love for everyone, you definitely don’t have to worry about that one.”
“It stinks.”
“What does? Babies? Babies nappies?”
“No! Getting married stinks.”
“Actually, you know I’ve been thinking.”
“Wot?”
“When they’re married, Mr. B will still be your friend, but do you know what else he’ll be?”
“No.”
“He’ll be your brother in law.”
“Brother?”
“Brother in law.”
His skull hits my sternum like a medicine ball as his finger tips dig into my flesh, overcome, wordless and ecstatic.


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Doggy droppings – Bonus

Life in a foreign country is both an adventure and a learning experience. I find that even though I have lived in California for 14 years there is no end to list of things that I do not know, just on that one topic, California, or even on an even smaller topic like San Jose, or even on an even teenier topic such as what occurs between my own four walls.

With only a few days to go before the wedding I nip out to the garage to restock with a six pack of paper towels and dump the recycling but as I hear yelling from within, drop them all and dash back inside. Inside I find my sons squabbling, loudly. I listen carefully on a fact finding mission prior to dispensing justice, assuming that they are unable to resolve their differences alone, “but I have being injured my toe, I am need of my sock for protectiveness dumbass!”
“Dat was years ago, it’s o.k. now, take off dah sock I wanna make another puppet.” I am about to open my mouth to speak when both boys coo, “oooooo!” as their gaze follows something moving in the garden. The thing that is moving in the garden is Thatcher, the dog, leaping and bounding through the air with abandon as he kills toilet rolls, merciless. As paper falls like confetti through the air the sprinklers start up. A papier mache garden was not on my ‘Wedding to do’ list. As I watch, my daughter approaches to add her oooos to the chorus.

“Geez mom, the whole garden looks like it’s been teepeed!” I turn to look at her face of glee. My face is not in the least bit gleeful as I have discovered something else that I don’t know how to do. “In what language are you speaking?”
“Teepeed, dontcha knowit?”
“Indeed, I most certainly do, but my knowledge is limited, and in this instance it is limited to Native Americans, a structure of poles covered with animal hides for protection and shelter.” A take a deep breath of rarified air with a hint of damp dog.
“No mom, dontcha know nothin?”
“So it would appear.”
“How come you don’t know this stuff when you’re so old….er…. I mean mature….um…..”
“Adultish!” offers her brother.
“Verily.” I am without functional brain cells. I wait for my daughter to put me wise.
“Teepeed is like, you know….‘toilet papered.’”

So I have two more unanswered questions:-
Why is the smell of soggy dog so all pervasive and how do you remove six shredded toilet rolls from a lawn after it has baked to perfection in the Californian sun?

I may have no choice but to return to the convent from whence I came.


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Watch-cat

Slurping Life
Get the code:-
Cut and paste
from this little
boxy thing below

When we first took Rascal to the vet as a kitten we were told that he had
‘bonding issues and behavioural problems,’ Nonna was most amused at the time. Here you can witness his issues as he guards the boys at night, from 8 o’clock sharp he starts to yeowl for them to come up to bed and then he stays there, up and down the ladder, checking, in-between nips next door to check on my daughter. He’s usually pretty tired by the morning, it’s a nocturnal thing of course, perfectly natural in a cat.


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The Age of Reason

The great thing about having older children is that you can begin to reason with them. Parents can drop the bribery tactics and move swiftly on to persuasion, trading and tit for tat.

“Tell you what?”
“What is it now mom?”
“You make your packed lunch and I’ll make you supper?”
“Great I get to pick out my own food!”
“!”

“Tell you what?”
“Wot?”
“You make your packed lunch and I’ll make you supper?”
“Why?”
“Why? Because you need to learn to become independent and do things on your own.”
“Why?”
“Because then when you grow up and leave home you’ll be able to look after yourself properly.”
“O.k. I get dat.”
“Where are you going?”
“Play.”
“What about your packed lunch? What about supper?”
“Das o.k. mom I ain’t gonna be leavin home.”
“!”

“Tell you what?”
“Wot?”
“You make your packed lunch and I’ll make you supper?”
“No.”
“No? Hang on a sec, where are you going? What about your packed lunch? What about supper?”
“I’m gonna die of malnutrition.”
“!”


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Share and Share alike

We explain important human relationships to the boys, kith and kin, blood ties, legal ties and the thing that is about to happen to change their lives.
“So of course you understand that once they’re married things are going to be very different.”
“Different?”
“Yes. You’ll have one more person to share with in the family.”
“More sharing?”
“Indubitably. And what is the most important thing that you have to share?”
“Computer time?”
“Nope.”
“Dats o.k. den. We can be sharing everything else.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear that you’ll be able to share your chocolate pudding with Mr.B.”
“Never!” he howls making a fine impression of wolf.
“Well you have to start somewhere. Look around the table.”
“Hmm?”
“Tell me which person you could start to share with?” Each person watches him as his eyes travel from one to the next, steadily, silently, round and round and round. It appears that we are all of us inadequate for such an honour. Then we witness the decision maker spark as a very bright idea occurs, as they so often do, given time. “I know! I am choose mum.”
“Ahh thank you dear. You are so kind and generous.”
“Yes but also I am knowing.”
“What do you know?”
“You are not liking chocolate pudding.”
Well that would make the decision easier of course.


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Well Spotted

5 Minutes for Special Needs

He saw it first!

If you enjoy caption competitions and photographs, you may wish to nip along to“DJ Kirkby” over at “Chez Aspie” and test your brain power.

“Nonna” always welcomes visitors.


MckLinky Blog Hop


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Sock Puppets

Tackle It Tuesday Meme
Try This Tuesday

Only teeny tiny this week as I have a wedding to arrange for Sunday the 20th and so all my energies are otherwise tied up.

It’s a kit for children aged 3 and above which I’ve had for an awfully long time.

Although it’s ‘glue free’ ours needed a little bit of help.

With great results though. What’s more they have played with the end results, way out of our comfort zone.


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Tongue Twister

Hosted by “Tracy” at “Mother May I,” but the photo-picture below will whizz you right there with one click.

Just call me snap happy.

red BSM Button

Photobucket

What is it?

I’m so glad you asked:-

A fossilized, flat, four footed, platypus skeleton. Don’t try saying that in a hurry. It would appear that the tactile defensive amongst us have mastered tape.


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Notable quotes

I watch his performance, robotic dancing and in time until he collapses in a sweaty heap, “sighhhhhh!
“You are such a fun guy.”
“Wot did you be callin me?”
“Fun guy?”
“Ooo…..I thought you be said fungi, nevermind, I am liking fungi betterer.”

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