Hands free hair washing
The hygiene of my children is very much a hands on affair.
Having overcome the seasonal changes from baths in the winter, to showers in the summer and then back again, I can honestly say that the painful transition period has shortened considerably over the last decade, from months to a mere few weeks, testimonial to the fact that they continue to grow.
I’m uncertain if I’m there in the bathroom to prevent escape, provide entertainment or minimize carnage, but in any event I consider that I could probably be using my time in a more constructive manner, elsewhere.
That said it comes to my attention late in the day, that the all elusive ‘independence’ factor is adrift. It would appear that originally I was present at bath-time to prevent babies from drowning, ten years later I’m still there, with much physically larger off spring, with considerably greater surface area of skin. I notice that my boy children are no longer babies, because I can be a little slow on the uptake sometimes, despite the all too visible evidence to the contrary, backed up by the dated growth marks on the grimy kitchen door frame.
In a sudden flash of genius I realize that pretty soon, one way or another, I may be well out of my depth, and deep in the mire of puberty. I’m told that it happens to us all, but I’m no scientist. I use my exceptionally large memory bank to recall ‘what is the correct age?’ When should they be able to bathe themselves? Just in the nick of time I remember that I threw out all the useless books about averages, developmental milestones and what to expects, at about the same time as I realized that my particular family had deviated from the norm.
I e-mail trusted pals and chums who universally confirm the magic age of 7. Whilst I am tempted to sulk, instead I return to the base line, other parents with similarly off-beat children. We collude and conclude that with all other things being equal, a parent should, in an ideal world, aim for independence immediately prior to the arrival of the first spot of acne, just to be on the safe side. Armed with this nugget of information but without a crystal ball, I calculate that I should have begun this process approximately eighteen months, 3 days and 45 minutes ago.
I decide, unilaterally, without consultation to the parties herein concerned, that they will learn to wash their own hair, if not by themselves, at least with less maternal physical input, eventually.
As usual, I find I fail to think through the plan of action thoroughly, merely launch myself feet first into another campaign.
The first thing I forget about is the need for ear-plugs. My son is quite reasonably outraged at my unreasonableness, withdrawal of services without warning or preamble. His facial expression is a study in contempt; what is the point of having a parent if the parent fails to perform as a parent should? It’s a tempting argument, one I have been susceptible to for longer than would be strictly necessary for anyone else with one wit of common sense.
But we persevere.
As we all know, hair washing is a multi step sequence, each one of which is every bit as vile as any of the other bits.
It’s a challenge.
I remember that the tools that we most commonly refer to as hands, are located at the ends of their arms. I also remember that when hands are expected to function in a new and uncertain manner, as often as not, the arms turn to spaghetti. I have no choice but to opt for the ‘hand over hand’ model of progress. It feels like back to square one and I wonder, not for the first time, what exactly have I being doing with my time all these years?
With my hand over his I swiftly slap a dollop of shampoo on the apex of his skull, with a little too much vigour, more of a smack than a plop and it’s pretty much down hill after that.
His brother looks on, or rather scowls with contempt as he plots and observes. It’s written all over his face, how to avoid the same fate as his little brother?
“Mom?”
“Yes dear?”
“Do you wash dad?”
“Er……well……..I…..um….not usually but I did wash him when he broke his leg a few years back.”
“Oh.”
“People learn to wash themselves, with practice, in time.”
“I’m finkin………. about time.”
“Ah. What about time?”
“What is betterer I’m thinkin?”
“What is better than what?”
“Gettin a wife or breakin yur leg?”
“!”
November 2nd, 2009 at 4:51 am
! indeed. This story, Maddy, takes the cake. I shall be giggling all day.
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:29 am
Will they follow a PEC strip in the tub??
Little boy washes himself. I still have to remind him where to wash, but he washes. I do wash his hair still. Nearly 8’s getting big enough that I don’t mind hair washing but the rest…. Eldest has done his own since he was about 7 or so and 8 for hair.
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:37 am
Oh. Maddy, this made me chortle! Perhaps, given the amount of work involved for *you* should he break a leg, you should suggest he take a wife. That way you can wash your hands of the whole affair, so to speak.
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:08 am
Willy is ten and just starting working on his hair, though he’s been washing his body for a while. He’s also just starting on the shower. For him, the struggle isn’t so much his arms or his hands, but the fact that water must go over his face. He really doesn’t like that. But the head, it doesn’t tilt back, but only forward.
November 2nd, 2009 at 9:08 am
Which is better? indeed! lol.
Will either of them use one of those little scalp-scrub brushes? Takes the tactile to the hands down a little. Then a sprayer hose for rinsing? Just options, in case you hadn’t considered these.
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:36 am
Ah, yes. I’ve been thinking it is time to transition myself out of the bath time too. He at least uses a washcloth and water three times a month. Once a month I have to do the shampoo and good scrub.
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:04 pm
my 12 year old is still taking a bath, and I’m still washing his hair (make him do the rest through.) Only way to be sure the soap gets out (or even gets on in the first place!) Being confronted with physical evidence of the encroaching hormones is a bit disconcerting though – although it didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest to point out that he had some new hair…
November 2nd, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Impeccable logic!!! I love it.
November 2nd, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Bathtime is the territory of JoeyAndyDad around here. He has begun a Washing independence Campaign.
I wished him luck. He’s better at that sort of thing than I am.
November 2nd, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Hilarious!
November 2nd, 2009 at 6:12 pm
What a precious fellow. Bathtime is independant around here but we don’t have the same sensory/spaghetti arm issues going on. We do, however, have to choose our shower head carefully in case it happens to look too much like a big scary eye staring down at you. When we remodeled the bathroom I took Patrick with me to help choose the best one.
Some of our issues involve staying in the shower for over an hour singing to yourself, completely forgetting what you’re in there for, and needing various reminders (through the closed door) regarding soap and shampoo application.
Good Luck!
November 2nd, 2009 at 11:03 pm
Ha! Those wheels are turning, aren’t they?!
I remember going through this rite of passage with my two boys about four years ago. As I write this, Nigel is getting into the shower, singing all the while.
November 3rd, 2009 at 9:53 am
Haha, I love that logic. I can’t say about a leg break, but I would choose marriage over a ruptured quadriceps!
November 3rd, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Oh the dreaded shower. The dreaded hair washing. The crying. The carrying on. And that’s just me.
November 5th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
A certain NT boy, aged about 6, still with a pretty heavy baby accent. Given a choice of a shower or bath, he chose bath. Then given a choice between bath before dinner (& eating in jammies) and bath after dinner, he chose after. Dishes done, he was reminded the next event was the planned bath. He protested. He was told, “well, that was your plan.”
Response: “Dat wath a baaaad pwaan.” Which has since been immortalized as a family catch-phrase.
Both the NT male children were quite head-washing or shampoo averse. Very close haircuts were a partial solution. Stringy, unwashed hair at 1/4 to 1/2 inch long isn’t so off-putting.
With the NT daughter, I faded supervision and services over quite a long time period, from kneeling by the tub to sitting a few feet away to sitting in the door frame to sitting just outside of the open door to sitting outside the closed door to independent bathing.
November 6th, 2009 at 8:27 am
Good grief! I needed a good laugh, thank you. Such funny boys. I keep telling myself I have 10 more years to get them to be able to do these things. But I think your right: somewhere around puberty, they and I may be sorely motivated to get some of these hygiene tasks passed along more quickly!
If my husband could get me to do it, I’d probably be responsible for bathing him, too. LOL
We are 9, 9, and 8 — and still only semi-independent. Actually, the NT girl is the one whose hair never quite gets done to my satisfaction. In her defense, it’s about a yard of hair. So I’m still shampooing her to make certain that the roots receive a proper scrubbing and that enough shampoo is used. We operate under the illusion that the boys wash the rest of themselves, but to be honest, I think their only contact with soap is what runs down them when the shampoo is washed out. For the moment, we’re letting that suffice. But both of them CAN now wash their hair; one will, one will not. So I’m still drawing back the shower curtain and shampooing the hair of my older son while I point out each step in the process to much grumbling reproach.
But I’m lucky in that all of them love to lay in the bath or shower and just soak. My older one smells like flowers most of the time because he likes a little bath oil and a few bubbles. I went out of my way early on to make the process attractive for him, and he apparently now believes he’s constitutionally guaranteed some Dr. Kneipp and a good book if he’s going to get into the tub. Perhaps I should have thought that through a little better.
November 6th, 2009 at 9:44 am
i can so relate!! (and my son’s 15). lately in my once a month supervised shampoo/bath I vow to sit on my hands and verbally prompt through the requisite steps but not touch. funny and smart boys, you have:)
November 8th, 2009 at 8:43 pm
I applaud you for fostering your sons independence! Go mom! In the class I teach in, we get many middle-schoolers who can not perform hygiene routines independently – and some who cannot even use the toilet. While we make strides on those skills at school, it is refreshing hearing of a family where these important lessons are being taught at home.
November 9th, 2009 at 12:22 am
Same issues here. Wondering if I’ll still be doing this (bathing/washing hair for him) when he’s in the teen years. I hope to God I’m not!
He might be slower but by gum he’ll get it!