Comments on: Compliments are Anathema – Misery loves company

By: Henny

Henny — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 07:56:57 +0000

oh i loved this post! I so do enjoy reading about parents who happily tailor life for their kids as they grow. I am stick of the overbearing ideal that everything is about getting kids to submit submit submit, and as you know that doesn’t work well with most kids but it DOESN’T work at all with kids who have very individual and special needs. or kids who see life differently than we do. I feel like helping tailor life to my daughter in a way she can be a part of it enjoyably is my duty. to other’s it seen as “coddling”,. anyhow… I’m babbling, I know. it’s a terrible habit i have.
but great post!

By: Lora

Lora — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 18:13:06 +0000

Griffin doesn’t like praise either but his is more of a delayed reaction…it is significant all the same.I love the word “companyable” it is so eloquent! Hope you are well and that you are having a lovely winter. We got lots of snow today and Griffin played in it for the first time ever. When we lived in Alaska he didn’t like it…go figure! Hugs!!!!

By: Rachel

Rachel — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 17:18:35 +0000

That’s lovely- very thought-provoking…….never really thought about why my daughter hates praise….she usually rolls her eyes and mutters ‘shut-up mum’…….I’ll have a rethink now.

And thanks a million for mentioning my blog!!!! Extremely grateful

Rachelx

By: excavator

excavator — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 04:54:54 +0000

Oh, I like that. Company-able. That must have made your heart swell.

By: Justthisguy

Justthisguy — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 01:52:22 +0000

Companionable. (Sorry, your kids remind me of me, just more so.) And then there’s hospitable…

When I’d, say, play a recorder piece in front of my Dad, he’d praise me to the skies, instead of giving me an honest critique (i.e. that was mostly good, but you stumbled on that run, etc.) I don’t want praise, nor condemnation, but honest appraisal of how I did.

By: abfh

abfh — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 23:24:21 +0000

I remember getting annoyed by praise as a child, mainly because I interpreted phrases like “Wow, that’s amazing” too literally, taking it to mean that the person giving the praise was actually amazed that I was capable of doing whatever it was. So the praise came across to me as a backhanded insult. It took me many years to understand that they were just trying to say something nice and that it wasn’t meant to imply anything about my abilities.

By: mama edge

mama edge — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 15:16:57 +0000

I love this idea! My son Taz is also of the “compliment me and you die” ilk, so the best we’ve come up with is a substitute for compliments: I can factually report what he’s done. For example, “Taz, you made two baskets in basketball today” is acceptable, while “You played an awesome game today” is an invitation to a tantrum. I shall definitely try to see if Taz has a word I can use that he “owns” the way your son owns “companyable”.

LOVE THIS POST.

By: lime

lime — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 12:24:50 +0000

what a perfectly magnificent coinage! i love that he was able to accept the praise, be a gracious host and display the language skills and knowledge of words and affixes to them to come up with his own praise. fantastic!

By: Niksmom

Niksmom — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 10:14:18 +0000

Yes, I agree with Tanya…perfect!

By: Tanya @ TeenAutism

Tanya @ TeenAutism — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 07:50:02 +0000

“Companyable” – perfect. It’s amazing how sometimes they find a way to express things even better than we could imagine.