22 Things a Woman Must Know
- If she loves a man with Asperger’s Syndrome by Rudy Simone. Foreword by Maxine Aston
Now there’s a title that just slips of the tongue. This book has been sculling around the house for more than 18 months in part because I didn’t feel I could really do it justice. I do not know any young men, or even older men, with Asperger Syndrome. All I know about, is autism, straight and complicated, and even then I would only ever claim to know a little bit about some aspects of autism.
Additionally, since I am an older woman in a long term partnership, I’m not qualified to consider early romantic emotions—can’t remember that far back. So that’s why it’s sat there all this while.
Then, just the other day, we experienced something new.
I walked my youngest son away from his class room. He was, as is quite common, railing at the world, his fists in the air, punching at the skies about all the many injustices of this world.
He was very loud.
People, other mums and dads and children in both directions, were privy to his opinions screamed to the clouds on high. It’s hard to use your ‘inside’ voice when you have just escaped to the outside, so I thought it best to head for the car at high speed, and beat a hasty retreat. I confirmed my sympathies with his plight—yes, backpacks on wheels may well be the work of the devil, but people are free to make their own choices and we must be careful not to hurt their feelings.
He seemed not to have noticed the two delightful little girls walking in front of us with the wheelie backpacks—pink. Nor did he notice their shy glances back at him, the giggles, the smiles. We gathered together at the curbside to cross the road. He pogoed on the spot. They watched. Marching over the road, stiff-legged Mario style, it was clear he would not let up any time soon. His curses, Spongebob mode, continued to flow. The girls stopped at their car and waved goodbye to my son, saying ‘see you tomorrow.’ Then he noticed them and when prompted, managed a reply.
It was a timely reminder.
Is my son about to have a relationship?
I doubt it.
Is he likely to have one in the future?
Undoubtedly. I’ll deal with that in time as well or badly as any other parent. But what about the person he forms a relationship with, if she happens to be a woman? Would this book help her? Should I give it to her now so she can read up in advance?
So with that rubric, lets see.
Reading this book reminded me of Cosmopolitan Magazine when I was a teen: straightforward, easy to understand language, brief and always with a positive spin at the end of each chapter which Rudy titled – on a positive note. For those paragraphs alone, I would give her a good score card, and many of them made me howl with laughter.
I also enjoyed the paragraphs labeled ‘his words,’ which are comments by AS men about the subject of the chapter. I don’t know if they’re quotes from real [anonymous] people, but I suspect they are.
Number 19 is a good example:- you will never change him, even if you can successfully change his behavior.
His words:- “Asperger’s is just another thing like restless leg syndrome.”
Then Rudy writes:- “The very things that drive you nuts might be inherently intertwined with the things that are most beguiling.”
Now isn’t that the truth. I wouldn’t necessarily agree with all that is written here but it is nonetheless valid, interesting and thought provoking.
And lastly, the illustrations by Emma Rios are, of course, quite simply delightful.
Available from JKP and Amazon.
November 15th, 2010 at 6:03 am
Hi, Maddy, been a while.
Dropping by to mention I will be giving-away several books next week.
Hope all your family is well.
.-= Barbara´s last blog ..A Clean Load =-.
November 15th, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Love this
“The very things that drive you nuts might be inherently intertwined with the things that are most beguiling”
i think its true of all relationships almost
November 16th, 2010 at 4:12 am
Maddy I am sure it would be of interest to my sister. My nephew Sam has Asperger’s
.-= jams o donnell´s last blog ..Beer – the origin of civilisation! =-.
November 16th, 2010 at 8:58 am
My youngest is madly in love with a little blonde girl in his class. He’s convinced marriage is inevitable. He was previously devoted to the only other girl his age in the bus line every day. His current intended is extremely patient and kind, and seems to genuinely like my son. She’s also the object of most all of the boys’ affections in her class because she is kind and very vivacious.
Oh yes, eventually I will be dealing with not only relationships, but all of the attendant grief and mystery of no relationship, a past relationship, and how to respond when you are rebuffed. I’m already freaking. Perhaps if I start preparing now I’ll be calmed down when he’s 21.
November 17th, 2010 at 4:51 am
I keep telling myself that there’s plenty of time for relationships when my daughter’s older, but I know the time may come when she realises it’s not something she finds easy.
CJ xx
November 17th, 2010 at 3:21 pm
You can’t really determine your son’s social behavior, based on his outrage after another day in hell at a public school. Teachers could care less about sensory issues, NT students are allowed to skirt the rules, and if you report them you get in trouble. It simply is not a good place for anyone on the Autism spectrum, and your son’s rage is probably more than reasonable. I’m sure those kids hit other kids trying to get to class with their wheelie backpacks, absolutely clueless to how their behavior affects anyone outside themselves.
November 18th, 2010 at 3:21 pm
As ever, you provide layers within a straightforward post–best point is about how greatest strengths are entwined with biggest weaknesses.
.-= Jocelyn´s last blog .. =-.
November 21st, 2010 at 11:06 pm
~*~Happy ICLW~*~ Made me think of my Noah … and how he just goes on a tangent … and then I’ll say something, and he’ll just stop… and look at me… like… why didn’t I think of that? LOL… We moved here and I kept asking him if he had made friends yet when he started school… and…. he kept telling me no. It came time for parent teacher conf. and his teacher is telling me “he is so popular, the kids fight over who gets to play with him and who gets to help him out” … and I laugh. He is genuinely surprised to know he has a “friend” let alone plural (friendzzzzzzzzz) … lol… I have to say, unique kids are the best. It’s amazing to see the world through their eyes…
.-= Annissa´s last blog ..First Snow in WA NoBloPoMo 21 =-.
November 23rd, 2010 at 10:17 am
Happy ICLW!!!
I have a nephew with Asperger’s combined with Fragile X. I will have to let my sister know about this book. It may not be helpful considering he will never live alone as an adult (due to the Fragile X), but who knows, right?
Michelle
http://samide2001.blogspot.com/
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Shedding =-.
November 23rd, 2010 at 11:25 pm
I will be reading this one. #1 only realizes there are girls in the room when one offers to help him with his reading. #2 (Mommy’s Favorite NT) has been planning his wife and kids since he was 4… I might figure one of them out yet! Thanks for the review, and happy ICLW!
.-= Autiemomkate´s last blog ..Another example of flexible thinking =-.