Optimism
Developing Optimism, Teaching Children the Value of Positive Thinking by Barb Rumson, Grades 4-6. [In the UK that would translate to between ages roughly 9 to 12]. My copy is from Fearon Teacher Aids
As a die in the wood pessimist and skeptic, it’s hardly surprising to find that one of my children is also a pessimist.
Many might say that character and personality differences are beneficial for the world at large, humanity as a whole. I think it would be deathly dull if we all thought the same way. However, there comes a point where pessimism drops over to the dark side. Here, pessimism is more than mere grumpiness. Anxiety and stress conspire to drag some people down and a dollop of optimism may prove a great antidote. While they’re young, we parents are here to mop up the misery, but how much better for them if were able to teach them coping mechanisms to use themselves. For us it’s a question of coaching, coaxing and practice. I suspect some personality traits are immutable but I would like to give them the best possible chance of a brighter future.
Since I know very little about psychology I needed a guide and this book has proved to be just the ticket. Not only that, it’s cheap. Barb Rumson provides a practical approach which can be adapted to meet the needs of children like mine. So if a child’s reading age doesn’t match, I can simplify the language but give the same underlying message.
The book is made up of 12 lessons, designed for classroom use. It begins with a short story about two children demonstrating two very different personalities – ‘are you an optimist or a pessimist?’ Some of the exercises are designed for group activities, but the main meat of the material can be used independently. Although you could follow each lesson sequentially, some lessons are more on target for a particular child.
I particularly liked the true/false questions, fifteen in all, on page 35. This gives a snapshot of a child’s perspective and outlook on life in general. This makes a great starting point to have an objective view of where a child is emotionally. It may be that you’ll be surprised just how positive they are, and it also flags particular areas to work on, like self esteem.
I also like the activities that follow the lesson and help reinforce the message. We have to pick and choose between these as most fall into the ‘less preferred’ category rather than the ‘fun’ category, although quite often there is a math or science option rather than the language/social science/arts/crafts option.
Meanwhile if anyone comes across a book, a very large one, on the subject:- strategies to defeat the negative voice in your head– that would be a great help. Inner dialogue seems to have a strangle hold right now and I expect this is an area that lots of us are working on now that our children are growing older.
By the by, my chum Barbara over at TherExtras is hosting a book giveaway so head on over and make a comment to win.
November 22nd, 2010 at 4:08 am
Sounds like a wonderful thing!
.-= sheila´s last blog ..Word of the week- Persistent =-.
November 22nd, 2010 at 1:06 pm
Thank you for the review of the book, I know that my son definitely…. (well and perhaps me as well, lol!) …. Sometimes needs help at focusing on the brighter side of life.
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..Finding a Care Giver for Your Autistic Child =-.
November 23rd, 2010 at 4:59 am
Hi, visiting from ICLW.
This book sounds fantastic; I agree with what you’ve said about how much better it is for parents to teach coping to kids instead of trying to make everything ok. It’s a daunting task, so I’ll have to make a note of this title! Thanks for sharing it
Kate
.-= Kate´s last blog ..giving thanks =-.
November 23rd, 2010 at 5:25 am
What a great idea
the book sounds amazing!
November 24th, 2010 at 11:30 am
This is a very difficult subject. I am definitely not an optimist – I am hard-wired to be a pessimist/cynic. I definitely think that optimists are happier, but I also wonder how they survive when they miss so much! I’m torn between what I see as taking a risk-averse approach to life – what might the possibly happen if you do x, y or z – and having them happily miss the risks and perhaps accomplish more.
If anyone points you to a good book about silencing the voices, I’d definitely love to hear about it. The one thing I am desperate to not pass on is the legacy of perfectionism I was dealt by my parents. If I could just silence that inner critic telling me how utterly worthless I am, perhaps even a pessimist like me could achieve more! And yet, I’m at a loss to figure out how to not pass it on like a family curse, aside from striving hard not to make my love and approval conditional. Any expert help would be welcome, I think.
November 25th, 2010 at 2:42 am
Optimism versus pessimism is one thing I studied in my human resource management classes. It might be too strong to say personality traits like these are immutable, but changing them is very difficult. A long, slow, subtle process.
Optimism and pessimism are outlooks, ways of looking at the world. That means, among other things, that they’re not objective. If optimism is rose-colored glasses, then pessimism is blue-colored glasses. Both distort our perceptions of life as it is.
Perhaps the best thing is not to change a pessimist to an optimist, but to bring the pessimist closer to objectivity. Lighten the tint on the glasses. That way you get away from the doomsday-edness that pessimism can bring, without trying to fundamentally shift who the person is.
.-= Stephanie´s last blog ..Bullying Part 11- Addressing the Misuse of Power =-.
November 26th, 2010 at 12:27 pm
Happy icwl! Thank you for doing this book review. You are certainly an articulate writer.
Any optimism I have is definitely learned. If something stinks I’m going to say it stinks because I don’t do denial well. But, I try to dig out the positive in situations and acknowledge that too, for the sake of my sanity.
About the negative mind you mentioned, I used to have big time concerns with that. As a person not quite on the Spectrum but who has Nonverbal Learning Disorder, which has similarities to aspergers, the negative loop reduced significantly when I went off gluten, dairy, nuts, and other foods that give me that “lit match in the head” feeling. It all comes back if I eat those foods (like I did yesterday for Thanksgiving). It could happen for different reasons from person to person and won’t always be food related.
There are programs that train kids to challenge the negative mind by strengthening rational thinking skills and having them apply those to the negative mind. The woman who wrote the book “The Secret Language of Eating Disorders” saved her two daughters lives by teaching them to do this. Even though you are not dealing with the same issue as she was you might be able to learn something from her story.
Good luck!
.-= Autism Mom Rising´s last blog ..Happy Haulidays- Chronicle Mania! =-.
November 26th, 2010 at 9:51 pm
Here from ICLW:) Wow – interesting book. I don’t have a child (yet!) but I find books for children totally fascinating. Sending prayers and best wishes to you.
.-= Randi´s last blog ..Peaks and Valleys =-.
November 28th, 2010 at 12:48 am
Try this:
http://www.amazon.com/Stubbornly-Refuse-Yourself-Miserable-Anything/dp/0818404566
It’s not for kids, but the concepts and techniques are not too difficult for kids. I taught some of these strategies to our guy years ago.
The book does not cover this, but I believe that pessimism and optimism are in part a result of the stories we automatically tell ourselves. Kids can learn to tell stories with happy outcomes, even if they don’t think that they are likely. It’s a skill and, like any other skill, the more you deliberately practice it, the better you get at it. Having happy endings in the mix of things that you can think of changes the dynamic.
December 2nd, 2010 at 1:51 pm
Thanks VAB – I’ve checked it out and added it to my wishlist for the holidays – I can see it’s just a hop, skip and a jump further along our particular trajectory.
December 4th, 2010 at 3:26 am
Another christmas present sorted!! Thanks you
.-= Casdok´s last blog ..Labelled =-.
December 12th, 2010 at 1:51 am
Hah, funny you should mention this…I tend to describe myself as an optimistict pessimist!
.-= D.J. Kirkby´s last blog ..Getting out and about =-.
December 21st, 2010 at 6:44 pm
Try this: http://www.amazon.com/Stubbornly-Refuse-Yourself-Miserable-Anything/dp/0818404566 It’s not for kids, but the concepts and techniques are not too difficult for kids. I taught some of these strategies to our guy years ago. The book does not cover this, but I believe that pessimism and optimism are in part a result of the stories we automatically tell ourselves. Kids can learn to tell stories with happy outcomes, even if they don’t think that they are likely. It’s a skill and, like any other skill, the more you deliberately practice it, the better you get at it. Having happy endings in the mix of things that you can think of changes the dynamic.
December 24th, 2010 at 5:01 am
Hah, funny you should mention this…I tend to describe myself as an optimistict pessimist! .-= D.J. Kirkby´s last blog ..Getting out and about =-.