Whitterer on Autism

A little voice calls me, “Mom! He is fight wiv himself!”

I think perhaps resistance is futile.

If you enjoy caption competitions and photographs, you may wish to nip along to“DJ Kirkby” over at “Chez Aspie” and test your brain power.

With Nonna’s birthday approaching I decide that teamwork is the only way. My daughter and her partner agree to mind the smalls whilst I barricade myself in her bedroom to complete Nonna’s new housecoat. Secrets are a difficult concept to grasp at the best of times but I try anyway.

“So listen guys!”
“Wot?”
“My job is to sew. Your job is to keep Nonna out of the bedroom.”
“Why?”
“Because I want it to be a secret. I don’t want her to see what I’m sewing.”
“Why?”
“So it will be a surprise.”
“Surprise is badly.”
“Some people like surprises. Nonna likes surprises. Do you think you could help keep her out……..distract her……something like that?”

I note the blank stares as their sister lures them out into the garden with the far more interesting option of lizard hunting.

After nearly an hour of battling with my ancient sewing machine I am all ready to emerge, triumphant with task completion.

Other people have also achieved task completion or something like that I suppose.

I do not like surprises. Message received, fully understood and executed.

It masks itself as peaceful slumber:-

The reality is quite different:-

If you enjoy caption competitions and photographs, you may wish to nip along to“DJ Kirkby” over at “Chez Aspie” and test your brain power.

Hosted by “Tracy” at “Mother May I,” but the photo-picture below will whizz you right there with one click.

As the mother of two autistic children I have far more to moan about than many. One of the many things that I most enjoy moaning about is the wide variety of unco-operative domestic appliances skulling around the house. The top moaning slot is usually allotted to the cooker. The cooker is a huge great ugly thing that came with the house. It’s a commercial, if not industrial lump of steel, capable of catering to the needs of the average restaurant. However, during the summer months I am forced to ignore it even more than usual. This is due to the existence of constant cognitive dissonance on my part which roughly translates as follows:-

Mother nature already hates me for using the air conditioning during a heat wave but she’ll throw me off the planet if I turn the oven on at the same time.

The trouble with the oven, apart from it’s hugeness, is that once lit, it is happy to warm the entire house to 425 degrees centigrade as it belches out heat for several hours post switch off. It is truly the creation of the devil.

That said, my family’s need for sustenance, especially bread, averaging 3 loaves a day, is quite insatiable.

Hence I discuss my latest cunning plan with “Nonna,” cook extraordinaire back in the day, as I trip over multifarious swift moving children.

“So……..what about dis den?”
“I’m going to make bread, pasties and muffins all day long and then cook them all in one go late in the afternoon.”
“It is good to fill dah ting sometimes.”
“Yes……in theory……but easier said than done.”
“You’re doing pretty well so far I tink,” she adds as she prods the latest batch of rolls on the rise.
“It’s all in the timing……I hope.”
“You know I tink you could roast a “whole baby” in dat ting!”

One of the many advantages of having an excessively large family is that it provides ample opportunity for me to exercise my powers of delegation.

I leave my daughter and her partner to mind Nonna and the three siblings, a two to one ratio, whilst I rush off to the supermarket to feed the hungry hoards. Within 30 minutes I’m back, fully and efficiently re-stocked for possibly another 24 hour period. Predictably enough, the house is in chaos but that does not deflect me from my mission.
“Right! I want every one of you out on the drive way to carry in a bag into the kitchen…..except you Nonna, you’re excused.” Three small people blink in disbelief, “you want to eat, right?” I add encouragingly.
“I am not liking yur disgustin foods.”
“Never mind that, it’s your new job.”
“Jobs is for adults.”
“Nope, not around here. This is how it works. I shop for the food. Daddy pays for the food, you do your work by carrying the food inside the house.”
“I cannot be doing dah working chores today.”
“Really. And why would that be then?”
“Because I am dah weakest one.”
“Rubbish! You’re as strong as a cat.”
“But my cat body is being too empty of the good foods for the giving of the energy.”
“Fair enough. I’ll just have to eat the three catering cartons of Goldfish crackers on my own then.”

My son snuggles up close to purr with contentment as our holiday draws to a close. He is still at the ‘part cat’ stage of development but there is no harm in checking whether England has grown in attractiveness after an additional annual exposure.
“So………is there anything else you like about England now?”
“Else?”
“Um……additional…….extra. You like afternoon tea time but is there a number two, a second thing that you like?”
“Well……..”
“Yes?”
“I think maybe I am liking all dah alley’s.”
“Alley’s?”
“Yes…….alley’s is being dah little wiggly roads dat are being too small for proper cars.”
“Ah! Yes indeedy. All those little cobbled streets are rather quaint.”
“Dey are perfect.”
“Really! You surprise me. I thought you liked large, straight and neat.”
“Yes but my cat part like’s alley’s betterer.”

Our daily route in our huge hire car on the tiny little roads in England on holiday. At least the new mantra has faded now we’re returned to the States.

Ooo the excitement!

If you enjoy caption competitions and photographs, you may wish to nip along to“DJ Kirkby” over at “Chez Aspie” and test your brain power.

We are still in England.

Meanwhile I have a few scribbles from yesteryear, very tame, to tide you over.

Double click for larger view:-

Alternatively, these are a few posts from a while back re-posted.

1. Who’s afraid of the “Big Bad Wolf”
2. It’s a “dog’s Life.”
3. “Street Talk.”
4. “International Translations.”

5. “The Sleeping Life.”
6. “The difference between sarcasm and Irony.”
7. “Eat your Words.”
8. “Spoonfeeding.”
9. “Old Fogies.”
10. “Her Royal Hightness.”
11. “A right Dog’s Breakfast.”
12. “How to insult someone in a foreign language.”
13. “Notable Quote.”

14. “Literal Minded.”
Cheers dears

We are still in England.

Meanwhile I have a few scribbles from yesteryear, very tame, to tide you over.

Double click for larger view:-

Alternatively, these are a few posts from a while back re-posted.

1. Who’s afraid of the “Big Bad Wolf”
2. It’s a “dog’s Life.”
3. “Street Talk.”
4. “International Translations.”

5. “The Sleeping Life.”
6. “The difference between sarcasm and Irony.”
7. “Eat your Words.”
8. “Spoonfeeding.”
9. “Old Fogies.”
10. “Her Royal Hightness.”
11. “A right Dog’s Breakfast.”
12. “How to insult someone in a foreign language.”
13. “Notable Quote.”

14. “Literal Minded.”
Cheers dears

Hosted by “Tracy” at “Mother May I,” but the photo-picture below will whizz you right there with one click.

We are still in England.

Meanwhile I have a few scribbles from yesteryear, very tame, to tide you over.

Double click for larger view:-

Alternatively, these are a few posts from a while back re-posted.

1. Who’s afraid of the “Big Bad Wolf”
2. It’s a “dog’s Life.”
3. “Street Talk.”
4. “International Translations.”

5. “The Sleeping Life.”
6. “The difference between sarcasm and Irony.”
7. “Eat your Words.”
8. “Spoonfeeding.”
9. “Old Fogies.”
10. “Her Royal Hightness.”
11. “A right Dog’s Breakfast.”
12. “How to insult someone in a foreign language.”
13. “Notable Quote.”

14. “Literal Minded.”
Cheers dears