How to make your own Webkinz [posable]

One of the best ways to get organized is to delegate household chores to your children. One of the best ways to motivate your children to co-operate is to provide finely targeted bribes. The current bribe currency around here is Webkinz, but they’re a bit pricey, especially in these financially stricken times. So, if your household is in need of a little extra motivation, why not make a few of your own bribes.

Cast on 30 stitches to a size 10 [US] circular needle. Mark the beginning of the round. Knit two rows knitwise.
Increase one stitch knitwise every second stitch. [60 stitches]

Knit one round
Increase one stitch every third stitch. [80 stitches]
Knit seven rounds without increasing.
Decrease – knit two together, repeat to end of the round [40 stitches]
Knit one round
Decrease – knit two together, repeat to end of the round. [20 stitches]
Knit two together, repeat [ten stitches]
Thread through the tail with the crochet hook and pull through and tie off on the wrong side.


Knit eight I cords with six stitches, one inch shorter than the length of a standard pipe cleaner. Insert pipe cleaner with a crochet hook and pull through the centre. Fashion each end of the pip cleaner into a loop and squeeze the pointy end tightly with wire cutters. Sew the loose end on the yarn at each end to cover and flatten the ends. Atatch home made or shop bought pompoms to one end. Sew the bald end to the body of the spider on the outside [right side] with invisible stitches.

Sew on eyes and pompom mouth. Secure contrasting coloured pipe-cleaner for the mouth and make sure to neaten the inside ends so that they don’t poke through = tie the ends together on the inside, twist off and add a blob of glue so that if they do move they will not be sharp.

Stuff the body and sew contrasting circle of fabric to the underbelly.

Clearly, they motivate lots of children, not just mine.

Now with the easy part over, it’s down to the real business. If your children have an eye for detail, then a Webkinz logo is an absolute must.

First pick a language, an unfamiliar one. Learn two or three lines, together with an authentic accent. Secondly, decide upon which type of disguise best suits you. Ideally this should be a disguise that is credible, no Chuck E Cheese Mouse suits please. Find you finest pair of small sharp sewing scissors and secret them about your person. Then, take yourself off to the local Hallmark shop or any other fine retailer of the much favoured Webkinz.

On arrival, blend discretely amongst the other legitimate shoppers. Do not draw attention to yourself by acting oddly. Wait patiently for the right moment and then discretely hack off the nearest Webkinz label available. Return the bald Webkinz to the back of the shelf and run like hell. Do not worry if you are caught as you have the best defense in the world, a real justification that cannot be thwarted by logic.

As I may have mentioned earlier, this tackle is not for the faint hearted.

If you find that you’re not a ‘Mission Impossible’ type, your second option is to take careful note of the Webkinz that already enjoy household space at home. Wait until all junior persons are absent from the home, preferably for a long period of time, such as during school and then determine which Webkinz is for the chop? Take your sacrificial Webkinz and slice off it’s leg, unpick the Webkinz logo and sew it neatly on the new and perfectly unique Webkinz of your own design.

Before the children return home, nip outside and find a rock. Smash your front window with the rock from the outside to make sure that the broken glass falls on the inside of the floor to prove that you had no defense against the wicked, Webkinz robber who burgled the house whilst they were away.

Either option should be completed early in the morning. On completion, early in the morning, you shall now have the rest of the day to complete your mission. First it is necessarily to acquire a massive brain such that you are able to hack into the Webkinz site on-line. Once hacked, it is then essential to steal a legitimate Webkinz code. Having stolen the Webkinz code, all you have to do is to perfectly forge the Webkinz papers of authenticity, insert into a plastic Webkinz liner. Carefully wipe clean of all incriminating evidence, such as finger prints. Be sure to wear latex gloves. Attach code package to the Webkinz, with a pale blue ribbon that you saved from a previous purchase.

I think this is probably where I went wrong?

Anyone want a green spider perchance? I’ll forward the ribbon later on, if I ever find it.

Try This Tuesday

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Truth or Dare? [Part 2]

It's a simple mathematical equation.  If it takes one mother 28 minutes to walk from A to B, then it should take three healthy, youthful, energetic children ….a certain period of time to get from B to A.  I use my usual scientific approach, double it and add half of the original = one hour and fifteen minutes, give or take a heart attack.

I give the new campaign considerable thought to aid a successful and therefore self reinforcing spin.  I invest in three pedometers and dig out three stop watches to appeal the numerate amongst us.  I'm cautiously optimistic that I might be able to tap into the competitive nature of sibling rivalry although that might have hidden dangers.

I remind them of the goal with the assistance of a social story and logic.  The goal is the possibility of adding a dog to our household.  No hound will be bashful, it will require a daily walk.  If no-one is able to walk except me, then the dog shall be mine.  I hesitate over the 'mine' word as it is both banned and a trigger word, a dangerous combination.  I take a back pack full of water, sun glasses, baseball caps, baby wipes and a front door key.

I am ready.  I think?

I shuffle the last one out the door and lock it behind me.  They tumble out onto the driveway when I then remind them that we are walking to school today at 6:45 in the morning.  A deafening ruckus of protest is immediate from my landed salmon, slapping away on the concrete.  I stand and wait.  My daughter picks flowers as we wait and glance around for a neighbour count.  I use the lighthouse technique, pour praise and attention on the one behaving appropriately.  I set her pedometer and stop watch, fiddle with the controls and beam.  We arrange her hair over her ears and the sun glasses.  The sun glasses catch their attention.  We spend a considerable amount of time on the drive way kitting everyone out with their new equipment before we are ready to take a few tentative steps in entirely the wrong direction, since nobody seems to be aware where school might be.

The first real obstacle is one that I should have anticipated, early morning sprinklers.  As they sput into action, he bolts before the first droplet has spurted. I order my daughter to keep a safety hand on her brother, the leaning tower of Pisa, as I leg it into the road to retrieve sparky, a jumping jack of nerve endings with the blood curdling screams of the imminently dead.  He flails to beat me off but he's still small enough to be scooped.  I slope back to the others and piggy back him until he's ready to use his feet again.  He's ready quickly, as he strongly objects to being face to face with a back pack, an added bonus.

We make a motley sight ambling towards the school.   Spaghetti legs, limp directionless bodies and tippy toes mark us out as rabble.  My daughter pauses patiently with each meltdown.  We have a remarkably calm exchange, almost conversational in between the screaming protests and collapsed bodies.  It is slightly surreal to talk to someone, a pre-teen someone, whilst hunkered on the concrete with a brother who rolls too near a storm drain, 'jail,' or  a brother who freaks out at a disfigured road sign or someone convinced that overhead cables are about to fall.

We do not talk about what is happening or who is doing what? She is unfazed and amiable, discusses breeds of dogs, possible names and which sex would be preferable.  I fear for her future.  What kind of person takes this kind of experience in their stride?

Both boys tell me at frequent intervals, how exhausted they are, although not in so many words, but when the school comes into sight, they both burst forth for a hundred yard dash to the doors.  One hour and 17 minutes later, we have completed our first ever leg  of the school trip.

We may have fallen by the wayside a few times, but we've all arrived in one  piece.  Now that's what I call a trip.

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